Slugging It Out
by Worth 12 of Malfoy
Summary: As a war among wizards gathers pace in the outside world, talented misfit Severus Snape struggles to make his way at Hogwarts. Determined to join the ranks of the great and the good, he forms an alliance with charismatic but ruthless Lucius Malfoy, whilst secretly remaining best friends with childhood friend Lily Evans – who stands against everything Lucius believes... COMPLETE
1. Prologue

Prologue

The shattered pieces of a tea set lay on the dungeon floor. A handle stuck up incongruously from half a cup. The teapot, fatally cracked, leaked dark tea like blood into the gaps between the flagstones. Only the spoons, silver and shiny, lay undamaged in the wreckage. The boy stood in the midst of it all, seventeen years old and full of the sudden hot anger of youth. Professor Slughorn was leaning against the sideboard, wringing his hands as he surveyed the carnage. 'Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,' he murmured to himself.

The boy turned to his teacher, face working furiously. He dragged the words from deep inside him, one at a time. 'This – is – all – your – fault! You promised me! You _promised_!'

'My dear boy…'

But the youth wasn't listening, he was pacing again, full of the same angry energy that had resulted in the room's destruction. 'There's got to be a way to make this better,' he muttered feverishly, black eyes darting. 'Got to be. It can't end like this, it just can't. There must be a way.' He rounded suddenly on the Professor with a gasp. 'Time Turner! That's it! You've got to get me a Time Turner, so I can go back and stop this happening.'

Slughorn backed away a step or two, holding up his hands as though to fend off an attack. 'My dear boy, even if it were possible for me to furnish you with such a thing – which it isn't – it wouldn't work. Time Turners don't work that way!'

'Yes they do!' shouted the boy, coming closer to Slughorn than the teacher liked. 'They have to! OK? I won't let this happen, I have to find a way!'

'You can't change the past!' cried Slughorn, gripping his wand and hoping he didn't have to use it against a student. 'I did my best, Severus, I really did. But some things can't be undone. Some things are just… inevitable.'

'Inevitable?' Severus repeated, staring at the Potions master with that alarming intensity he had. For a moment, Slughorn thought the boy was going to do him some harm, but then the youth turned away and slumped down at the table. 'Yeah, I guess it was inevitable. Inevitable that everything would work out just rosy for stupid Potter, and I'd be left with nothing.' The anger was draining out of him now, but the bitterness in his voice was just as disturbing in one so young.

'Come on, now, Severus. You've hardly got nothing! You're a clever boy, with lots of talent, a promising career ahead of you. In less than a year's time you'll be out in the big wide world. These little troubles seem so enormous at school, but they come to very little in the grand scheme of things. You mustn't take things to heart so.'

The boy showed no sign of having heard, continuing to speak to the table. 'No. She's chosen her path. I thought she was different, special. But she ended up getting taken in by Potter and his cronies just like everyone else.' He took a deep breath. 'It's too late now. You're right about that. It's all too late.'

Slughorn ventured a nervous pat of the boy's angular shoulders. 'You're a good boy, Severus, I've always said that. No matter what they say. A good boy. I know you'll choose your own path, not get led astray by anyone… You wouldn't let that happen, would you? You've got a bright future to come! Focus on that.'

Severus stood suddenly, his foot catching on the china debris. He looked rather surprised to see it there. 'I know what I need to focus on,' he muttered darkly, turning to leave the room.

The Professor tried to stop him, moving his vast bulk with surprising speed to block Severus' path. 'Now, Severus, let's talk about this properly over a nice cup of tea. I'll just have to mend the tea-things…'

'No,' said Severus, with a force that stopped the teacher's fussing. 'There's no point in more talk, Professor. Like you say, it was inevitable, doomed to fail. Talking won't change a thing. Please, just let me go.' And he was gone, slipping past and out into the chilly dungeon corridor.

Horace Slughorn remained still and speechless for several moments after the boy had left, staring after him as though wondering whether to give chase. But eventually he turned away, repairing the teaset with a single wave of his wand. He addressed the photographs on his office wall, a habit he'd found himself getting into lately. 'I did my best,' he told them. 'I tried. I did try,' he said again, rather defensively. 'Maybe the boy's right though. Maybe it is too late.'

'If you had a Time Turner and could go back and change just one thing in your past, what would it be?' Severus asked the question to the blue sky. It was an unseasonably warm April in his fourth year at Hogwarts.

Lily Evans turned her head slightly to look at him, and he felt that tightening in his stomach that he couldn't quite explain. Her face was very close to his when they lay side by side like this, as was their habit. It would only take the smallest, slightest movement and his face would be touching hers. 'I don't think that Time Turners work that way.' She spoke softly, but he could feel her breath on his face.

'Yes they do,' he replied, feeling a little flustered.

'No, I'm sure they don't. Otherwise people would be going back and changing things all the time.' She smiled, and turned to look up at the sky again.

Despite himself, he scowled. His face settled easily into the expression, as though that was its default setting. Severus did not like being corrected, even if it was by his best friend. 'Who says they don't?' he asked sharply. 'Anyway, I'm not saying it's possible. It was merely a hypothetical question.'

Lily frowned slightly, and he felt another surge of emotion. 'I don't know,' she said thoughtfully. 'I suppose it would be something around Tuney.'

His scowl redoubled and he turned to look at her sharply, irritated. 'What d'you mean, _Tuney_?' he asked, unable to keep the contempt out of his voice.

'You know, my sister. I'd go back and change things so that she wasn't so hurt by me going to Hogwarts and all. I'd make it so we could still be friends.' Lily sighed, and plucked at the grass.

'You're better off without her,' grumbled Severus huffily.

'Let's not argue about this again. It's too nice a day.' She sighed and stretched out further on the grass, wriggling her bare toes.

He conceded with a grunt, but continued to feel piqued. He wasn't interested in the niceness of the day. Unlike his fellow students, he didn't get overcome with an urge to be outside every time the sun shone. He'd have far rather met up inside, in the library perhaps, or the Owlery at a stretch. The brightness of the sky was making his eyes hurt, and the grass was irritating his nose. But Lily had wanted to come outside, and Severus could never resist Lily.

After a few moments Lily asked, 'So what's yours? What would you go back and change?'

It was a question he'd been turning over in his mind for several days, ever since he read about Time Turners as part of a Charms project. The thing he'd most like to change would not be in his gift to alter even if he revisited the moment. He could return to the time he and Lily were Sorted, but there was nothing he could do to get the Sorting Hat to place her in Slytherin. If there were, he would have done it at the time. Unless he could learn a really strong Confundus Charm and use it on the Hat…

Of course, the alternative would be to go back to his own Sorting and request Gryffindor. But he balked at the thought, even if it would mean being in the same house as Lily. The idea of not being in Slytherin was bad enough, but his sense of house loyalty was truly horrified at the notion of being in Gryffindor. Not to mention that sharing a dormitory with the odious James Potter was his exact vision of what hell was like.

He needed to reply to her, so he gave his other preferred option. 'I'd go back to before I was conceived, and I'd kill my father.'

She sat up suddenly and half turned, propped on one elbow. 'You'd _kill _your _father_? Why?'

'Because I hate him.' It seemed obvious to him.

'But if you killed your father, you wouldn't exist!' pointed out Lily.

The horror in her green eyes gratified him. She was imagining a world where Severus Snape didn't exist, and she didn't like it. He enjoyed her dismay, although it was misplaced. He hadn't intended to imply he wouldn't exist. In his fantasy Severus still existed, much the same except perhaps a little better looking, but with pure unsullied blood in his veins and a brilliant wizard father. Still, he wasn't going to disillusion her now. He gave a little shrug. 'Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.'

'Of course it would!' she responded warmly, fully turned towards him now, leaning over anxiously. 'It would be terrible, especially for me. What would I do without you? You mustn't think like that, Sev. What's at the bottom of all this? Is it Potter?'

'I can handle Potter,' he muttered dismissively, keen to keep the topic on himself, not his arch-rival.

Lily continued as though he hadn't spoken. 'He's a bully, Severus, a stupid pig-headed bully. Him and Sirius Black – I hate both of them! They think they're so great, they've got no idea what it's like for people like you and me. They don't know what it's like to have Muggle parents that don't understand anything about your life anymore, or a sister who doesn't talk to you because you're a witch, or a Dad that hates magic and shouts at your Mum all the time.'

Severus sighed heavily and turned over away from Lily. He found a piece of twig and began to stab the ground with it. He wished that Potter and Black would just vanish from his life. He wished everyone would vanish from his life, leaving just him and Lily, alone in the world together.

'Sev? Look at me. Please?' He rolled back to face her. She looked serious, which didn't suit her. Lily had a face that seemed to smile even in repose. 'Promise me you didn't mean it? You wouldn't really go back and kill your father, would you?'

He shrugged. 'Not if you don't want me to,' he replied, finally. 'Anyway, you said Time Turners don't work that way.'

'That's not the point, Sev. I can't bear you thinking that the world would be a better place without you. You know that's not true, don't you?' She gazed at him earnestly. Her concern seemed to emanate from her in waves, and he felt giddy with it.

Uncomfortable, he began messing with the grass again. 'No, if you say it's not,' he muttered.

He could tell she was exasperated, and for a moment he thought she'd pursue the matter, but she must have thought better of it. 'You know how I feel,' she said eventually.

But that was just the problem. He didn't know how she felt, and he was too afraid to ask.

The hypothetical questions game started early on in their friendship, the year before they started Hogwarts. Severus fascinated Lily, and not just because of his claims about wizardry. His very oddity seemed to back up his story. He certainly didn't seem like other children she knew. Of course, Lily was later to discover that Severus wasn't much like other wizard children either, but by that time they'd forged too close a bond for it to matter.

Lily would ask him endless questions. Is 'hocus pocus' really a spell? Does the Queen know about magic? How many witches and wizards are there? How fast can a broomstick go? No matter how obscure or complicated the question, Severus had the answer.

At first she hung on his every word, believing anything. But Lily was bright, and as time went on she began to suspect that Severus' answers were often flights of imagination. She didn't mind, and began to make up more and more ridiculous questions, just for the pleasure of hearing his inventive responses. That was how they came to the point of asking purely silly 'what if' questions of each other, giving the answers as much care and consideration as they would the responses to their eleven plus exam.

Learning about Severus himself was rather harder. He was not someone who easily gave up personal information, and his thin, scowly face was often hard to read. At school they were in different classes and their paths never crossed. She had never even noticed him before he arrived in her life on that day in the park, eager and awkward and full of stories of her being a witch. And she quickly realised how she'd missed him – Severus was an expert at making himself small and invisible. But once she started looking out for him, she often would spot him, skulking in shadows and avoiding eye contact with anyone.

It was an unlikely friendship, and one that was bitterly resented by Lily's older sister. Petunia disliked Severus, sensing from the very start that he represented a threat of some sort she couldn't quite explain. For a couple of years she had been growing increasingly alarmed at some of the odd things Lily seemed to be able to do, although it didn't stop her from trying to do them herself. The Snape boy with his tales of a secret world of wizards made it much harder to ignore her fears that her beloved sister was somehow not _quite right_.

They began to quarrel about it, Petunia pointing out Severus' many faults – his weirdness, his unkindness, his disreputable family, the hungry obsessive look in his eyes. Lily however insisted that Severus was all right when you got to know him, and that his 'weirdness' was due to his exciting double life as a wizard. Petunia huffed off, pointing out they had no reason to believe he was any such thing as a wizard, and she bet that Hogwarts didn't exist at all.

But Hogwarts did exist. One July day, Lily rounded the corner of Spinners End, her hair flying behind her and cotton dress flapping around her legs. In her hand, held high, was an old fashioned piece of parchment covered in green ink. Severus was already on the road, heading in the opposite direction, and gave a yell of delight to see her. He too was brandishing a letter. 'It came! It came!' she squealed when she was near enough, and flung her arms around him then and there.

More excited than she'd ever seen him, Severus grabbed her letter, devouring the contents, even though it said the same as his own. Lily continued, 'A teacher from the school brought it last night, Professor McGonagall she was called! She was like proper witch, with a tall black hat and everything! Though she was wearing normal clothes when she arrived…'

'Muggle clothes,' Severus corrected her. He hated the word 'normal' being used to describe Muggle things.

Lily poked out her tongue, but was too excited to argue. 'She had my letter, and explained all about magic to Mam and Dad. I felt quite sorry for them, they were so surprised. She did some magic to prove it – she turned the coffee table into a chicken and made the teacups flying around the room! – then she asked if they'd noticed anything odd about me, if strange things ever happened, and Mam said about that time Tuney broke my favourite cup by accident and in the morning it was back in the cupboard good as new. So then McGonagall explained about Hogwarts and so on, and they said they'd have to think about it, and they talked all night – at least till I went to sleep – and this morning they said that if I wanted to, I could go!'

'And you do want to?' he asked, looking up from the letter in alarm.

'Of course I do, silly! Who wouldn't want to go and learn to do magic? Tuney was a bit funny about it though, she's shut herself in her room and won't really talk. I think it's a bit of a shock for her.'

'Yeah, a shock that I was right and she wasn't. I'd love to see the look on her stupid face right now,' said Severus, his eyes glittering with malicious pleasure.

'That's not very nice, Sev,' Lily chided him. 'But it's so exciting! I can't wait to go – I can't believe we have to wait fifty-eight whole days until September 1st! Oh – but before that, Professor McGonagall is going to take me and my parents to the wizard shopping place to buy my school things. You have to have a cauldron and robes and all sorts of weird stuff. I wanted to go right away but I'll have to wait until August.' She pouted momentarily, then having spilled out her own story asked rather tentatively, 'What did your Dad say?'

Severus pulled a face, then did quite a good impersonation. 'Bloody owls flying round, what'll the neighbours think? If that thing's crapped in my living room Eileen, there'll be hell to pay.' The boy shrugged. 'Anyway, Mam said I should make myself scarce for a bit. Let's go to the park.'

The summer passed in a happy blur. Lily told her friends she'd won a scholarship to a boarding school. Severus didn't have any friends, so had no need for a cover story. The two children played together often, at least twice a week. Severus would have happily spent all day every day with Lily, but she often went to see girlfriends, and Severus knew he would not be welcome to tag along even if he'd wanted to. So he made the most of what he could get.

One sultry August evening, they were sitting on a wall in their favourite haunt, a quiet place in the crumbling red brick shadow of the old mill. 'If you could have any famous person as your brother or sister, who would it be?' Lily asked him.

Severus looked alarmed and wracked his brains for famous people. They had no television or radio at home, and he heard the names of popstars and sportspeople mentioned at school with no comprehension. Then a name popped into his head, and he blurted with relief, 'Merlin!'

'Merlin? Is he real?' Lily's green eyes were wide.

'Of course – well, he's dead now, but he _was_ real. He was the most powerful wizard ever known, and he could travel in time, and he was so famous that even Muggles today know his name.' He smiled, proud of his knowledge, gleaned from the card that came with the Chocolate Frogs his mother had once secretly brought him in one of her better moods.

Lily shivered with delight, swinging her skinny legs. 'I don't know if I'd want someone that scary as my brother. Imagine if you fought, he'd always win.'

'He wouldn't fight with _you_,' said Severus, leaning forward eagerly and almost toppling off the wall.

Lily's face fell. 'Tuney does,' she said softly, turning slightly away from him to pick at a scab on her knee.

'Tuney's stupid, just ignore her. No one _proper _would fight with you.' He leaned close, trying to get her to look at him. 'Come on Lily, stop worrying about her, she's a Muggle. You'll have to leave her behind you know, when you go to Hogwarts.'

She looked at him, her green eyes swimming with tears. 'I don't want to leave her behind, Sev. I want us to be friends, like we used to be.'

Her tears caused a pain in his chest. He felt as though he couldn't breathe properly all the time she was so sad. 'Don't cry, _I'm _your friend. I'll always be your friend, for ever.'

She snuffled and gave him a sidelong look through her lashes. 'Thanks Sev,' she said, wiping her face. 'I'm just being silly. Mam says it'll all blow over.' She gave a smile, then noticed the lengthening shadows and jumped down from the wall. 'I've got to go, they'll be cross if I'm late again.'

He cast a resentful look at the sky for spoiling his plans. 'Shall we meet here tomorrow?'

'I can't, Sev, we're going to get my school things, remember? It's going to be so amazing!'

He didn't share her smile, and looked away, his feet scuffing the brickwork. 'Thought that was next week,' he said sulkily.

'Oh come on, Sev, don't be such an old grump. Won't you have to go and get your own things soon, anyway?' She reached out and patted his leg.

'Mam keeps saying she'll take me then changing her mind,' said Severus somewhat reluctantly, not meeting her eye. 'Says she has a headache, or Dad's in too bad a mood to chance it, or the weather's not looking right… whatever. If she doesn't take me soon I'm going to have to start school without any things.'

Lily frowned at him, baffled. 'But your Mam's a witch?'

'Maybe she likes pretending to be a Muggle.' He started pulling a loose thread on his sleeve, avoiding Lily's now anxious gaze.

She took a deep breath, and then said, 'Why don't you come with us?'

He looked around so suddenly he almost fell off the wall. 'Really? Can I?'

She was a little taken aback by the greedy fervour in his eyes. 'Yes, I think so. I'll have to check with Mam and Dad.'

A shadow crossed his face. 'Listen, if they don't want me hanging round, I could just go off on my own once we get there, but I don't know how to get to this place without a grown-up to take me.'

Lily reached out and hugged him awkwardly. 'Don't be silly, Sev, of course you can hang round with us. Now I really do have to go, they might not say yes if they're cross with me.'

They parted their ways, Severus heading for the old mill workers' terraces, Lily for the bigger houses on the other side of the river. At the end of the alley, Lily turned to look back at her friend. Severus was walking quickly, head down, his arms jerky and awkward at his sides, feet occasionally lashing out to kick at a stone. She'd known him for a year, but only now did she wonder if she'd been asking him the right questions all along.

Very early the following morning Lily called for Severus. It was the first time she'd been right up to his house. The door was opened by a thin, unsmiling woman, dressed in an old fashioned plain brown dress and apron. On sight of Lily her face made no change from its dour expression. Lily however smiled brightly. 'Oh hello, Mrs Snape, is Severus at home? He's coming to London with us today, and we're leaving earlier than planned, so I thought I'd better come and get him.'

'Oh aye,' she said, standing aside. 'Wait int kitchen and don't make a noise.'

Feeling suddenly rather nervous, Lily entered the hall. Mrs Snape disappeared up the narrow staircase, and Lily found her way to the kitchen. The house was far smaller than her own, and very bare. It gave her a sad, creepy feeling. After a minute or two, Mrs Snape reappeared, shutting the kitchen door. 'He's coming,' she said tersely, and busied herself making tea. Lily stood in the corner, feeling horrible. She wasn't used to adults being so unfriendly.

'Severus tells me you're a witch?' asked Lily, after the she could bear the awkward silence no longer.

'Severus ought to learn to keep his mouth shut,' said Mrs Snape shortly, catching the kettle off the stove before it whistled.

'Oh no, it's all right, I'm a witch too! He wouldn't tell just anyone, I mean. It must be wonderful, being able to do magic.'

Mrs Snape gave a strange laugh. 'Magic is as magic does,' she said darkly, buttering two pieces of bread. Lily watched as she laboriously hacked some pieces of cheese off a block and slapped them in between the two slices. She cut the across thing wonkily to make an untidy sandwich, which she forced into a shabby paper bag. Lily wondered why she didn't use magic, but didn't dare ask.

Footsteps sounded outside the door, and to her relief Severus appeared. He was dressed untidily, his hair unbrushed, his face still bearing traces of yesterday's grime. Lily expected Mrs Snape to tell him off, but she gave no sign of having noticed. He had a hollow-eyed, anxious look, and even his smile had a nervous edge. Mrs Snape held the sandwich out to him gracelessly, and led them into the next room. She climbed onto the arm of the sofa to reach down a thick book from the top shelf. She glanced at the stairs before removing a wedge of notes from inside the cover.

Climbing down, she handed the money to her son. 'Lose that and you'll wish you were never born,' she whispered, glancing again at the stairs. Severus forced it into an inside pocket of his smock, and gave his mother one of his crooked smiles. 'Behave yourself,' she said, touching his shoulder just for a moment. A sound from upstairs made both the Snapes jump and look fearfully ceilingwards. 'Go on, hurry up,' said Mrs Snape, shooing the children towards the door. Before Lily could even say goodbye, they were on the doorstep and Mrs Snape was shutting the door.

Severus looked as uncomfortable as Lily felt. She felt as though she'd seen something she shouldn't, like she'd caught him on the toilet. He started off down the path, and she hurried after him. Halfway along the road she caught him up and grabbed his hand. 'Come on, Sev,' she said kindly. 'We're going to go and be wizards, remember?'

He smiled properly, and they began to run, hand in hand, towards Lily's house, and Diagon Alley, and a whole different world.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – A Slytherin Man

At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the high table was somewhat depleted. Many of the staff chose to leave over the long summer holiday, or were absorbed in their own interests. Horace Slughorn, the Potions Master, had just returned from an agreeable break in Germany, staying in the fairytale castle of one of his former protégés, and was looking forward to telling his colleagues all about it over dinner. He was therefore annoyed to discover only Professor Vector at the table, head buried in a large book.

Thankfully, a couple of minutes after he sat down, Minerva McGonagall appeared. She usually remained in the school over the summer, having piles of administrative work, not least preparing for the new intake of first years. Slughorn noticed that his colleague, usually prim and tidy, was looking rather frazzled. Wisps of hair escaped from under her hat and she sighed heavily as she arrived at the table.

'What's wrong, Minerva? If you don't mind me saying, you look as though you've been teaching for a day,' said Slughorn jovially, pouring her some wine as she sank into the chair beside him.

'Believe me, Horace, a day teaching would be far preferable to the day I've just had.' She took a long draught of the wine. Seeing his curious look, she elaborated. 'I took a Muggleborn student to Diagon Alley to buy her school things, one of the new first years.'

'Ah, I thought you enjoyed such trips, Minerva?' Slughorn enquired.

'Oh, normally I do. The girl herself was delightful. Red headed enough to be a Weasley, bright little thing. Very pleasant parents too, sensible people, full of interest in our world. But the girl – Lily Evans - insisted on bringing along this strange little half-blood by the name of Severus Snape.'

'Who?' Slughorn frowned, trying to work out the name.

'Oh, you'll not have heard of him. His mother is Eileen Prince – one of yours, I believe Horace?'

He cast his mind back, running through an endless stream of faces and names. 'Prince… Prince… no, it escapes me. Not one of my Slug Club?'

McGonagall rolled her eyes. She did not approve of Horace's favoured group of students. 'I have no idea, Horace. I meant a Slytherin.'

'Oh, well, lots of children are in Slytherin. If you say she was, then I'm sure must have been. Anyway, you were telling me about the boy. Septimus Snide?'

'Severus Snape. A strange child, if I ever saw one. He had identified the Evans girl as a witch a while back, and has spent the intervening time filling her head with stories about our world. Mostly nonsense. It was clear to me that he hasn't got much more idea than she does. I got the impression his mother has renounced magic and apart from a few snippets of information she's given her son over the years, he's practically been brought up a Muggle.'

'Doesn't sound like a good Slytherin girl to me,' harrumphed Slughorn.

She gave a sigh. 'People have their reasons, I suppose. Anyway, he's a rather unlovely boy, I have to say. The first thing he asked me was if I'd been in Slytherin. When I told him I was head of Gryffindor, he sniggered, and informed me both himself and Miss Evans were going to be in Slytherin and he couldn't imagine why anyone would want to be in another house, especially Gryffindor! The cheek of it! A boy of eleven, I ask you.' She shook her head.

'I like him already,' he joked.

'I did feel rather sorry for the boy though. Beneath the bravado he's clearly an unhappy child. He barely had enough money for the essentials, we had to get everything second hand, and you could see he hated that. It made it all rather awkward. It didn't help that the Evans girl has an older sister – a Muggle - with whom Severus seemed to have an ongoing antagonism. She took every opportunity to sneer at his misfortune.'

'Jealous, I expect,' suggested Slughorn, helping himself to more Yorkshire puddings.

'Oh, definitely. It must be horrible of course, to be brought into the wonders of our world, and know you can never be a part of it. Anyway, he got his revenge on her when it came to choosing the wands.' She hesitated. 'Up until then, I'd just thought of him as an ill-favoured little lad, a bit pitiable. But... well, I've never seen anything quite like it before. It made me a little uneasy.'

For the first time, Slughorn stopped eating and gave McGonagall his full attention. 'What happened?'

'We went to Ollivander's and Evans chose her wand. Severus and the sister were bickering in the background the whole way through. Then it was his turn. I've never seen a child take so long to find a wand! He must have tried twenty. I think he was beginning to panic that he wouldn't find one at all. Then we found the right one and it was all much as usual, pretty sparks trailing from the end, him grinning from ear to ear. So I was just about to take it off him and get us out of there – Ollivander's is so stuffy in summer – when he turned to the sister, waved the wand at her, and before we knew it, her shoelaces were tied together and her hair standing up on end.'

'You think he did it deliberately?'

McGonagall spread her hands. 'Well, he swore it was accidental magic, but I looked him in the eye and I know he did it on purpose. He used no incantation, made no apparent effort. I know some children do gain a degree of control and deliberation over their magic before starting at school, but he was so calm about it. And I'm pretty sure he'd never used a wand before.' She shifted uneasily before adding, 'There was a malicious glint in his eye that I really didn't like.'

The Potions master considered this, before shrugging. 'A glint in the eye doesn't mean much, Minerva. Intentional magic at that age isn't unheard of, as you say. It doesn't mean there's anything… special about the boy. I'm sure there's nothing sinister about him. Just an eleven year old boy playing a bit of silly prank on an annoying sister of a friend. No, nothing remarkable there.' Looking rather disappointed, he picked up his fork again and returned his attention to his roast beef.

'Hmm – perhaps. You haven't met him yet,' sniffed McGonagall. 'Anyway, just when I thought that we were nearly done and I could get back and put my feet up, the boy managed to run off…'

The day had started so well for Severus. To start with, he'd felt drunk with excitement to find himself in Diagon Alley. His mother had described it to him a few times, but nothing could have prepared him for the thrill of the real thing. The wizards in robes and pointed hats, striding along with wands in hands. The shops full of creations beyond his imagination. Owls swooping overhead holding letters in their talons. Goblins with tufty ears irritably making their way into Gringotts Bank.

He managed to take Lily's hand, and the pair of them entered the magical world together, running to press their noses to shop windows, tugging each other this way and that as they bounced from one wonder to another. By contrast, Petunia hung back, sticking close to her parents, looking around her with an expression of unhappiness. Severus was convinced it was the best day of his life.

But things had gone downhill when they reached the bank. Once their Muggle money had been converted into hefty wizard coins it was painfully obvious that Severus had barely half the amount the Evanses had converted. Whilst Lily bought brand new things, the thin lipped teacher McGonagall steered Severus in the direction of the second hand goods. He ended up with battered textbooks, a rusty cauldron, and faded robes that were slightly too large. Nevertheless, he refused to change back into his Muggle clothes, and tripped along in his overlong robes.

After they'd purchased their wands, Lily begged to be allowed to buy a pet. 'It says an owl or a cat or a toad – please can I have a cat, Mum? I've got to have a cat – witches always have cats!'

Mrs Evans looked weakly at Professor McGonagall, who said, 'Children often enjoy having a pet at school, it can help prevent homesickness. And a familiar can be useful in practising some spells.' She cast a quick look at Severus. 'But by no means essential.'

They headed off down the road again, Lily chattering to her mother about the type of cat she wanted. Severus fell back, feeling the way his robes swished around his legs, watching two elderly wizards in bright purple robes pass by. 'Nonsense man! You can't make a good Pepperup Potion without a dash of aconite!' cried one.

'Merlin's beard, you have some funny ideas Perceval! I still swear by nettle juice,' boomed his companion. Severus hung back, longing to be part of their conversation. He imagined himself and Lily having a similar discussion, his lips moving slightly as he acted out his own part.

'Talking to yourself now?' said a low, snide voice. He looked round, blushing, to see Petunia had sidled up alongside him. Her face was sour and sullen. 'Even here, amongst all these weirdoes, you don't fit in. You're the oddest thing of all.'

'I fit in better than you do, _Muggle,_' he hissed. 'You're the one that people are staring at, in your Muggle clothes.'

'You were wearing normal clothes too until half an hour ago. At least mine fit.' She gave a nasty smile. 'Aren't you worried that you're not going to be good enough to go to this school? It took you _ages _to find a wand. Lily got one on the third try. I was starting to think they were going to give up on you altogether and send you to St Bart's after all.'

'But once I got the right one I soon sorted you out, Muggle. Shame you didn't leave your hair like that – best I've ever seen you look.'

'So you can play some pathetic little pranks, how clever. Obviously you must be the greatest wizard ever. You're no better than the other scallywags down Spinner's End. Pulling hair and messing with shoelaces is cheap and silly, just because you did it with a wand doesn't change that. Eddie Willets pushed me over last year, I don't see him becoming a brain surgeon.'

Her words hit home, although Severus tried to cover it up. 'You're just jealous,' he mumbled angrily, wishing he could get his wand back from McGonagall. Then he'd show stupid Petunia how good a wizard he was. At least, he hoped he would. What if she was right, and his magical powers were weak? Would he arrive at Hogwarts and find himself bottom of the class?

'Jealous? Of you? I don't think so. Even your own parents don't like you, so you had to come and tag along with us, like a bad smell that no one wants. We're _embarrassed _to be seen with you.'

Furious, he turned away from her to look in the window of a broomshop. 'At least I'll be able to fly one of these soon, whilst you're still wobbling round on your bicycle,' he called after Petunia's retreating back. He felt anger pulsing through him, that red mist of rage that sometimes threatened to overcome him. He tried to focus on the brooms in the window instead. They were amazing, sleek and aerodynamic looking, nothing like the plastic-handled nylon-bristled thing his mother used to sweep the floor.

He took his time examining the brooms, letting his thumping heart slow down and the anger subside, then wandered as slowly as he could on down the street. The Evanses and McGonagall were some distance ahead of him, Lily apparently still chattering to her mother. He stood for a moment, watching the way the sun turned her hair a brilliant copper. She hadn't noticed that he'd gone. He felt a sudden surge of painful emotion, a kind of angry longing, and forced himself to look away. His eye was caught by movement in the window of another little shop, set back from the main street. There was a display of model planets, orbited by tiny moons. Rubbing his eyes, he went over to have a closer look.

When he turned away from the window, calm again, the rest of his party had gone. His heart gave a lurch and suddenly he felt very cold despite the sunshine. He stared at the spot he'd last seen them, as though they might reappear, then looked frantically up and down the street, desperate to see the sun catch in Lily's hair, or the top of McGongall's tall black hat. He'd even have been glad at that moment to see Petunia.

He was alone in the middle of a world that – whilst undeniably wonderful – was also alien. He didn't even have his wand, since McGonagall had firmly put it in a box and insisted on carrying the bag. What if someone challenged him for being there? Would they ask his name and realise he was the son of a Muggle? He knew that not all wizards looked kindly on Muggles or their magical offspring.

Worse than that, he could already imagine the smug look on Petunia's face when she realised he was missing, or got brought back in shame. What if they'd finished shopping and left without him? They'd never really wanted to bring him along in the first place. Maybe Lily, now she had encountered the wizarding world for herself, wouldn't be interested in hearing about it through Severus any more. Maybe they hadn't even noticed he'd gone. Perhaps they'd get all the way home and only later that night Mrs Evans would sit up in bed and say, 'What happened to Severus?'

Severus began to run, turning at impulse down a side road. Whether he was running away from or trying to find Professor McGongall and the Evanses, he didn't know. Unaccustomed to wearing robes, which flapped around his legs, unaccustomed to running at all, his foot caught on a cobblestone and he fell headlong. The shock of hitting the unrelenting ground knocked the breath out of him. For a moment he lay flat on his face, wondering if he should get up again. As the adrenaline drained out of him, his knee began to throb painfully.

Shivering, he sat up, sniffing hard to hold back the tears, and looked around at the unfamiliar shops. He gulped and snuffled, as a shadow fell over him. He looked up an impossibly long way, to a man silhouetted above him. 'Are you all right?' asked a deep voice.

Severus couldn't manage to answer, but tried to get up. The stranger reached out a hand to help him. He stared fascinated at the fingers, which were long and slender with clean short nails. He realised he was shaking as he clung onto the arm of his rescuer. The man crouched down, revealing a narrow face and light grey eyes. He had very long blond hair, tied back loosely so it cascaded down the back of his midnight blue robes. 'Where's your mother?' he asked.

'At home,' whispered Severus, awestruck.

'You're not here on your own, are you?' asked the man, scrutinising Severus closely. Severus felt painfully aware of his shabby, too-big robes and his plain, bony face.

He shook his head, wondering how to describe the complex situation in which had arrived. 'My friend – her Mam –' he spluttered.

'Don't worry, we'll find them.' The stranger noticed Severus' knee, which was now oozing a bright trail of blood. 'Here, let me fix that.' He removed a wand from within his robes, made of dark shiny wood, which Severus longed to touch. The man placed the wand against his knee and whispered a strange word. He felt an intense tingling, like pins and needles, and when the wand was withdrawn there was no more cut, just a pinkish silver mark.

'Wow!' he breathed, rubbing it with his fingers. He could feel a raised bump but no pain. 'Thank you, sir.'

'Just a little medi-magic, nothing special,' said the stranger with a shrug. 'When one plays a lot of Quidditch, one often finds healing spells come in handy. Of course, I shouldn't really do magic in the holidays, but they'll never detect it in Diagon Alley, too much around. It can be our little secret.' He winked.

'Severus!' The sharp shout from behind made Severus jump guiltily and look around to see Professor McGonagall hurrying towards him. With her long black robes and big black hat she looked rather funny, like some sort of big strange bird flapping along the street. He had to suppress a sudden giggle that might have been relief.

McGonagall was not laughing. 'Whatever were you thinking, going off on your own like that! What would your father say? Don't you know how dangerous it can be for a little boy on his own? Come along, we must get back to Mr and Mrs Evans.' She turned to his rescuer. 'Malfoy, thank you for your assistance.'

'That's quite all right, Professor,' replied the man, with a charming smile. He addressed Severus, 'So, are you getting your Hogwarts things?'

Severus nodded, struck dumb again by the realisation that the man was in fact a boy – an older boy, but still at school none the less. If all the other boys at Hogwarts were like him, Severus would always be found lacking.

'Well, see you at school soon then. I hope you're a Slytherin man. You look like a Slytherin man to me.'

Professor McGonagall made a shooing motion with her hands, though she looked like she was trying not to smile. 'Get along with you Lucius, trying to poach students before they even start!' She caught Severus' sleeve and tugged him away. As he jogged along behind McGonagall, barely able to keep up, he cast one last look back over his shoulder. Lucius Malfoy was watching their retreat with a look of amusement on his face. Severus managed a smile back, before McGonagall whisked him around the corner. He knew already that he was, without a doubt, a Slytherin man.

Severus next saw Lucius Malfoy at Hogwarts, after he'd been sorted into Slytherin. Reeling from the experience, he was relieved to see the older boy sitting at the table, and made a beeline for him as the only familiar face. Malfoy looked younger than he had at Diagon, dressed in school robes and black hat, with a prefect badge on his chest, but he still seemed to ooze confidence and sophistication as he greeted Severus warmly. 'I said you looked like a Slytherin man!' he commented triumphantly, shaking his hand. Severus nodded silently, awed by Malfoy and overwhelmed by the situation.

Sitting on the bench in front of the long empty table, his feet not quite touching the floor, Severus risked a look back over his shoulder to try and get a glimpse of Lily. She was at the Gryffindor table, and already seemed to be surrounded by other children. His heart sank. It would be just like their old school, Lily separate and remote and surrounded by others. He'd thought it would be different. He'd imagined him and Lily together, best friends, sharing meals and games and lessons. The disappointment was almost too much to bear.

To make matters worse, the two horrible boys he argued with on the train had also been sorted into Gryffindor. The messy haired boy with glasses appeared to be called James Potter, whilst the boy whose whole family had been in Slytherin had answered to the name of Sirius Black. It had taken a very long time for the Sorting Hat to decide where to place him, and there had been an audible gasp when the Hat finally assigned him to Gryffindor. Sirius Black himself had looked a bit surprised, glancing over at the Slytherin table before making his way to Gryffindor, but he seemed to have got over the shock and was already chattering away to the Potter boy as though they'd known each other all their lives. How could it be fair that those idiots got to sit with Lily whilst he could not?

The rest of the Sorting and Professor Dumbledore's speech passed in a blur. The Headmaster might as well have been speaking Mermish. Suddenly Severus didn't want to be at Hogwarts any more. Seven years spread ahead of him, lonely endless years watching Lily on the other side of the Hall, surrounded by horrible creeps like those boys from the train. Not that the new Slytherins seemed any better. He was never going to fit in with them. He was never going to fit in anywhere.

Tears were pricking his eyes now, to his irritation, and he barely noticed the tables in front of them filling magically with food. The hubbub of voices around him reminded him of the playground, not a place he'd ever enjoyed. The other first years were introducing themselves to the rest of the Slytherins around the table. They had loud, confident voices. Severus felt relieved that he was sitting a little way down the table from them and didn't have to try and make small talk. One of the boys, a plump, self-satisfied looking lad, was busily telling everyone about his flying prowess. The others were eagerly joining in with their own broomstick related exploits.

Beside him, Lucius Malfoy addressed a pretty blonde girl with an upturned nose sitting opposite them. 'So, Cissy, how about your cousin going into Gryffindunce? Breaking the family tradition.'

The girl gave a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She looked rather sad, Severus thought, despite her beauty. 'Yes. Aunt Walburga won't be happy.' She took a deep breath. 'It's the last thing we need right now,' she added, eyes darting furtively, and then blushed as though she'd said something she shouldn't have.

Lucius reached across the table and patted her hand. 'Come on Cissy, it could have been worse. He could have ended up a Huffleduffer.'

She made a strangled sound. 'Don't, Lew. He's going to be mixing with all sorts over there, blood traitors and mudbloods…'

A large boy with a faint moustache sitting a few places down the table suddenly joined the conversation. 'Well, I don't see what difference it makes. After all, Andromeda was a Slytherin and she still managed to hook up with a mudblood.' His words were met with a small pool of silence by those around. Everyone seemed to hold their breath, and suddenly all eyes were on Cissy.

After a few seconds, she said, 'I don't know to whom you are referring,' in a very cold voice, and put down her napkin before leaving the table.

Lucius started to call her name, but two of the girls sitting either side were already getting up to follow her out. 'Nice one, Roddy,' said one angrily, to the large boy.

Several pairs of accusing eyes turned to Roddy, who blushed slightly but held his ground. 'What? What did I say? It's true, isn't it?'

'She doesn't need to be reminded of it,' hissed Lucius. 'For goodness sake, Rodolphus, she's ashamed enough as it is, without everyone talking about it. It's not her fault her sister's a blood traitor.'

'Maybe not, but if little Sirius goes the same way, that'll be two in one generation. And let's admit, Sirius has always been something of a 'black sheep'.' He snickered at this last comment.

'You'd say that to Bella, would you?' asked Lucius, his voice quiet but his eyes angry.

The large boy Roddy now paled. 'I say, old chap, no need for that; you know Bella… It was just a little friendly banter.'

'Well, next time you want to engage in 'friendly banter', leave my girlfriend out of it.' Lucius turned away from Roddy and began to help himself to food. Roddy, still looking taken aback, also busied himself with the dishes in front of him.

Severus was left rather bemused by this conversation, although he felt silent dread at the mentions of mudbloods and blood traitors. He knew from his mother about the importance of blood purity – it was one of the few pieces of advice she'd given her son. _Keep your mouth shut about your Muggle Dad if you know what's good for you. _It wouldn't be hard to follow – he was hardly likely to start singing his father's praises. But he hadn't realised just how big a deal it was. His mother had implied it wouldn't matter that he didn't know much about magic, but hearing the conversation around the table he realised he'd entered a whole new world – one he knew nothing about. It was hard to think of a single conversation he could safely have without betraying himself as an outsider.

'Come on Severus, tuck in.' Lucius Malfoy was looking at his empty plate. 'You just reach out and help yourself to whatever you want.'

Unable to prevent the tears that were pushing at the lower lids of his eyes, Severus avoided Malfoy's cool gaze and nodded. He wanted to be left alone. He wasn't hungry, he didn't want to sit and listen to the other students talking about how they had pure blood and already knew everything about magic whilst he, Severus, knew so little. He didn't want to sit and know Lily was there, just across the hall from him, but might as well be on the moon for all the contact he'd get with her.

After a moment, Malfoy placed a hand on his back. 'Come on now, it's always a bit daunting, first time away from home. You'll get the hang of it. We all felt worried when we started.' Severus was pretty sure Lucius Malfoy had never felt worried about anything in his life. The older boy continued, 'You should have something to eat, it will make you feel better.'

He shook his head, glad that Malfoy was speaking softly and not drawing attention. He felt the pressure on his back increase slightly. Then Malfoy said more loudly, 'I think I'll go down and check on Cissy. Severus here isn't feeling too well, too many sweets on the train I expect. I'll take him with me, show him the dorm. Fortescue, you don't mind showing the others, do you?'

Malfoy steered him out of the Great Hall and led him through a seemingly never-ending maze of corridors and staircases, down into the dungeons. The prefect kept up a running commentary along the way, pointing out classrooms and landmarks, reminding Severus of the way to turn at various portraits or suits of armour to find his way. The fact that Severus didn't say a word didn't seem to bother Malfoy in the slightest.

Eventually they arrived at the Slytherin common room. Malfoy showed him how to get in and made him repeat the password, before leading him to a little dormitory. Severus recognised his mother's tatty old trunk standing at the end of one of the beds. It looked horrible and shabby compared to those next to the others. Several of them had cages on top, from which owls eyed him beadily. He shuddered. Lucius looked at him again. 'Why don't you get some sleep? You'll feel much better in the morning. Breakfast starts at seven thirty, first lesson is at quarter to nine. You'll get your timetable at breakfast. Leave yourself enough time to come back here and collect the right books and things for the morning. Remember how to get back to the Great Hall?'

Gathering his wits, he whispered tonelessly, 'Left at the picture of the battle, right at the armour with the purple plumed helmet.'

'Good,' said Malfoy, sounding satisfied. 'Well, I'll leave you to get changed for bed. Bathroom is just outside here, see? Next door on the left. Word of advice – don't leave your toothbrush in there. Not unless you want some unpleasant jinxes put on it. Good night, then.'

'Good night,' he whispered. A part of him wanted to run after Lucius, grab him and beg him to stay with him, not to leave him alone in this strange room. But he didn't, and the older boy left without a backwards glance. Severus thought of Lily upstairs in the Great Hall, laughing and chatting with her new friends. He lay down on his bed without undressing and stared miserably at the ceiling. Why couldn't life have allowed him this one small thing? Why couldn't she have been in Slytherin too? And how was he going to manage without her?


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – An Inauspicious Start

On his first full day at Hogwarts, Severus found that the other Slytherin boys spoke a language completely alien to him, full of nicknames and in-jokes and coded references. Every lesson was like a lengthy 'who's who' as the teachers reminisced about the relatives of their new charges. It soon became clear that what counted most at Hogwarts was not what you knew, but who you knew. And Severus knew no one.

Apart from Lily of course, and she seemed to have become surgically attached to two other Gryffindor girls overnight. He caught fleeting glimpses of her. It wasn't how he'd imagined things – and he'd spent a lot of time imagining Hogwarts. He'd assumed he and Lily would both be in Slytherin, and spend every day together. The Hogwarts of reality was so different from the Hogwarts of his imagination that he wasn't quite sure how to cope with it.

At dinner, unwilling to spend another hour listening to the other first years going on about Quidditch and people their parents knew, he approached Lily at the Gryffindor table. He stood staring at her, until one of her friends noticed him and made a squeaky noise of horror. 'What do _you_ want?' she asked.

But Lily's face lit up at the sight of Severus, and she jumped up to greet him. 'This is my friend Severus, that I was telling you about! He told me all about being a witch and Hogwarts and everything. If it weren't for him, I shouldn't have known half as much as I do. Come and sit down, Sev. This is Mary, and this is Morgana. I was just showing them some pictures from home. Did you have a good first day? What lessons did you have?'

He sat beside her, ignoring the glances of the other two girls. For all he cared, they could shrivel up and die. All that mattered was Lily, and her smile. He began to tell her about his day, and she enthusiastically joined in with her own experiences, knocking over the pepper pot with a clatter as she demonstrated the four basic wand movements they'd been taught in Charms.

The noise attracted unwelcome attention. James Potter and Sirius Black were sitting just along the table, already looking as though they belonged there. Potter stared at Severus for a moment as though he couldn't believe his eyes. Then he said loudly, 'Hey! I say, what d'you think you're doing!'

Sirius Black also turned. 'It's Snivelly!' he cried. 'What's wrong, Snivellus? Did the Slytherins decide you were too smelly to sit at their table? Or have they just decided to send you home full stop?'

'I don't know, d'you think your family will still let you sit at _their _table, since you're a Gryffindor now?' retorted Severus.

Black's handsome face reddened. 'Shut up about my family, you stupid greasy little toerag! You don't know anything about it. Least I'm from a decent family that people have heard of.'

Meanwhile, Potter had alerted a prefect, who was bearing down on them. 'This boy here says you're not in Gryffindor. Is that right?' he asked.

'What if I'm not?' asked Severus insolently, feeling his cheeks redden.

'Well, if you're not, I'm afraid you can't sit here. Didn't your prefects tell you? You have to sit at your house table. See, the colours at the end of the hall show you which one's which. Can you remember which house you _are _in?' The boy asked the question earnestly, but Potter and Black were sniggering fit to burst. Severus knew he'd never hear the last of this.

'Of course I can remember what house I'm in!' he snapped. A moment later a hand fell on his shoulder, and he looked up to see Lucius Malfoy.

'Is there a problem, Larson?' asked Malfoy calmly.

'This little boy tried to sit at our table, I was just setting him straight,' began Larson the prefect.

Malfoy gave a small cough. 'Well, that must be the most exciting thing that's happened on the Gryffindor table since you last won the house cup… which is, what, three years now? After all, what greater threat faces us than first years who stop for a moment at the wrong table?'

'Look Lucius, you wouldn't stand a Gryffindor sitting at the Slytherin table,' pointed out Larson, although he looked decidedly uncomfortable.

'You're quite right about that. After all, one can never be sure of where a Gryffindor has _been_. Well, we won't detain you any longer. I'm sure young Severus doesn't want to spend any longer here than he has to.' Lucius' hand tightened on Severus' shoulder, which he took as a sign to get up.

Larson was now red in the face and shifting awkwardly. 'Look, I never meant to upset you, Malfoy. If I'd known he was a friend of yours…'

'It's nothing,' said Malfoy graciously, steering Severus away from the table.

Severus managed a last look at Lily, who was red faced and mouthed 'Sorry' at him. He gave her a smile before Lucius yanked him round towards the Slytherin table. He could feel the older boy's grip as they made their way across the Great Hall. Around them, heads turned and he could hear derisive laughter from the Gryffindor table. His cheeks were so hot he thought they might actually burn.

At the Slytherin table, Malfoy pushed him onto a bench, taking his own seat next to him. He caught Severus' chin with his hand and forcibly turned the boy's head to face him. Severus' black eyes met Lucius' pale ones. 'Now, Severus, listen to me. You are a Slytherin man, yes? In Hogwarts, we stick to our own houses. Otherwise what would be the point of _having _houses? I'm surprised your father didn't explain all this to you. You are a Slytherin, so you sit here. Green and silver, picture of a snake on the banner. I'm sure you can remember that, yes?'

'Yessir,' whispered Severus. Inside he screamed at the injustice of it.

'There's nothing wrong with speaking to people from other houses, but sitting on another house table… it's just not done, old chap. If you don't want to be embarrassed like that again, stick to your own.' He lowered his voice. 'You don't want to go mixing with Gryffindors. Half of them aren't even from wizard families.'

'OK,' said Severus.

'Good. Now, eat up.' Lucius reached for one of the big dishes in the centre of the table, but Severus had never felt less hungry in his life.

'I think I'll go to bed,' he muttered, and fled the Great Hall.

He spent a miserable lonely evening staring at his History of Magic homework and not reading a word. When the other first years got back to the dormitory, he had a frosty reception. He tried to catch the eye of one of them, a skinny boy called Jones, but the other glared and blanked him. Unable to bear it, he said timidly, 'It was a mistake. I never meant to sit at their stupid table. I just got confused.'

'You must be pretty stupid then,' said another, a heavily built red-head called Moran. 'It's not hard.'

'It was just a mistake,' he repeated, helplessly.

Moran stopped halfway through pulling off his socks, and turned to face Severus. 'Look, Severus, I don't know what your problem is. You think you're better than us, or something?'

'No!' gasped Severus, stunned that they could suggest something so far from the truth.

'You don't talk to us, you go off from the feast yesterday with Malfoy, you try and sit with Gryffindors at dinner. You think you're something special. No doubt your parents are head of some foreign government or something – though judging by the state of your stuff it must be a pretty rubbish one.' He glared at Severus.

'My parents… my parents aren't head of any government,' said Severus weakly.

Moran continued to stare at him. 'Well, whoever they are, you're not one of us,' he said coldly. 'And you're not going to be if you go around giving yourself airs.'

'I'm not giving myself airs!' he snapped, unable to let this go unchallenged. 'Just 'cos I'm not some toffee nosed prat with more money than sense.'

Moran's eyes narrowed. 'If you're trying to make friends, you're not doing very well at it,' he said coldly, turning away.

Severus' second day was characterised by none of the other boys in his dormitory talking to him. He sat silently at breakfast and poked at a bowl of porridge, more for something to do than because he actually felt hungry. His first lesson was Potions, and as he arrived he realised with a sinking heart that they would be sharing this one with Gryffindors, rather than the Ravenclaws like their previous day's classes.

'Snivelly!' cried Sirius Black, like he was greeting an old friend, except for the nasty look in his eye. 'Let's hope that snot dripping into potions doesn't spoil them, or you're going to be getting rubbish marks.'

'Snivelly's going to be getting rubbish marks anyway,' said James Potter. 'He can't even remember which table to sit at, after all.'

'Perhaps he's colour blind and can't tell the difference between red and green!' piped up a very small boy, who looked too young to be in Hogwarts. He looked hopefully at Potter and Black after he spoke, and was rewarded with a lukewarm smile.

'Or perhaps you're all jealous that Severus has friends in more than one house,' chimed in another voice, and his heart soared as he saw Lily. 'Come on Sev, stand here with me.' He gratefully tucked himself in next to her. 'I'm really sorry about yesterday, I didn't realise they'd make such a big thing about it!' she whispered. 'I felt so terrible. I wanted to come and find you after dinner, but I didn't know where the Slytherin Common Room was.'

'It doesn't matter, you you'd only have got in more trouble,' he replied, smiling at the thought of Lily being worried about him. 'I should have realised, I'm the one who knows about Hogwarts.'

'Well, I think it's rather silly,' said Lily, tossing her head. 'Fancy making such a fuss! It's all the same food. If stupid Potter hadn't gone running to a prefect,' she raised her voice, 'like a pathetic crybaby snitch, no one would even have noticed.'

Potter might have retaliated, if Professor Slughorn hadn't appeared in the doorway and ushered them into the classroom. Potter and Black headed to the back of the room, apparently already inseparable, followed by the two other Gryffindor boys. Lily took hold of Severus' sleeve and led him to a desk in the middle. 'Come on, let's sit together.'

He hesitated, torn between desire to spend time with Lily, and fear of more ridicule. 'D'you think it's allowed?'

'I don't care,' said Lily, rather loudly, looking defiantly at Potter. 'You're my best friend, I want to sit with you.'

The glow that Lily's words gave him was worth the sidelong glances and mutterings of the other Slytherin students. He ignored them – they didn't like him anyway so what was the point in sucking up to them? At that moment, he felt like all he needed in the world was Lily by his side.

But at the end of the lesson, she was hurrying off for a different class. 'When will I see you again?' he asked, wishing he could stay with her.

'I don't know, Sev,' she said distractedly, forcing her scales back into her bag. 'I've got to go, I've got Herbology and I'm not sure of the way.' She gave him a fleeting smile before rushing after the Gryffindor girls. 'Mary, wait!'

'When will I see you again?' came a silly, high-pitched voice. It was Potter and Black, apparently not worried about being late for Herbology. 'Ah, is little Snivelly missing his ickle fwend?'

'I expect when he sees her again really depends on whether Evans sees him first or not,' said Black, slinging his bag casually over his shoulder.

'She's my best friend!' said Severus hotly, trying to walk past them.

'Yeah, but for how long, Snivellus?' asked James Potter, lazily blocking his path. 'You really think that now she's at Hogwarts, in Gryffindor, with so many other wizards to choose from, that she's going to want to hang around with a little Slytherin creep like you?'

'She sat with me today,' he snapped back, feeling the heat creeping into his cheeks. He would not cry in front of Black and Potter.

'That was today,' said Potter dismissively. 'I'd bet you good money that she won't want to soon – except you don't have anything worth betting.'

'Oh come on, James, wouldn't you like a rust bucket cauldron or a set of patched up robes?' Black made a move to grab Severus' bag. Before he could think, Severus brought round his wand and willed something nasty to happen to Black. To his surprise, the boy gasped and his hand flew to his face, as though struck. Severus took advantage for this distraction to get round them and hurry away up the corridor. He could hear Black saying, 'He hexed me!'

'Yeah, run away, you Slytherin coward!' called Potter after his retreating back. 'You can run but you can't hide, Snivellus!'

Severus had never had any real friends. He had an air of strangeness that repelled his classmates, with his odd clothes and obsessive eyes, his lack of knowledge of television shows or normal things. There was an edge of desperation in his interactions which put off other children almost immediately. Yet when he did find someone to play with, it wasn't long before he upset them. He had a superior, know-it-all attitude and seemed unable to resist the temptation to show off his cleverness, usually at the expense of his new friend.

At Muggle school, he was the boy who walked around the edge of the playground, putting one foot in front of the other with exquisite care, cocooned in a world of his own. When the class did partner work, he was usually paired with Fat Gary – a boy whose simple-mindedness Severus despised. When children handed out party invitations, Severus was always the one left out.

So he was used to loneliness. He could survive. He told himself this as he awoke every morning and silently dressed, while his housemates chattered around him. He repeated it as he sat at breakfast, watching Lucius Malfoy and his gang as they hastily finished off homework whilst sharing round sweets from home and discussing the latest wizard music. He spent morning breaktime in the toilets, hoping to keep out of the reach of Potter and his friends. In the evening, he went to the library, the one place in Hogwarts he truly loved.

Occasionally Lily would join him, though never often enough. One Thursday evening they sat together, Severus pretending to read a book whilst really watching Lily trying unsuccessfully to write an essay. She hadn't got hang of using a quill yet.

'Stupid thing,' she cursed, as once again it slipped from her fingers, leaving a blot and trail of ink.

'You need to get the angle right – try to line up the straight bit of the quill with the paper. Like this, look.' He leaned over, taking her hand very gently in his own, moulding her fingers around the quill tip and moving it lightly across the paper. 'See, it runs nicely now. Then you need to watch, ready to dip it again when the ink gets light. The trick is to dip it before it runs out, or it gets spluttery and scratchy and spoils the paper.'

'It would be so much easier to use a proper pen,' grumbled Lily, re-inking her quill and trying again.

'I never liked those stupid pens at school. Quills are nicer, don't you think? They look better. It's fun how everyone has a slightly different one. And they last much longer, you can just sharpen them up. Of course, you can get self-inking ones …'

'Even if they're self-inking, it's still trying to write with a big _feather_,' said Lily with feeling, as the quill twisted in her fingers, leaving an inky mess.

Severus removed his wand from his pocket and cleared his throat.

'What are you doing?' she asked, rather alarmed.

'Trust me, I'm a wizard.' He smiled broadly as he raised his wand, then a look of concentration came over his face. Lily fidgeted and looked as though she was considering taking her hand away. '_Tergeo!' _he said, with a flick of his wand. The ink disappeared from Lily's fingers, leaving just a faint stain. Severus looked pleased with himself as he pocketed his wand again.

Lily examined her fingers dubiously, then looked back at her friend. 'How did you do that?'

'Magic!' he replied, with a grin. 'It's at the back of the Standard Book of Spells. I had practiced it,' he added, seeing the look on her face.

'You're going to be top of the class at this rate, Severus!' She looked at her hand again, running her fingers over the place where the ink had been. 'Whereas I can't even use a stupid quill.'

'Don't be silly, you'll get the hang of it soon. Come on, give me your hand, we'll have another practice.' He leant in closer to her, his lank dark hair close to her bright coppery head, as he guided her hand patiently across the parchment.

But such times with Lily were too few and too short, and most of them were spoiled by the presence of James Potter and Sirius Black. He read every book he could find on duelling to learn curses he could use to defend himself against his two chief tormenters. He still found he could sometimes work magic without knowing specific spells, but as no one else seemed to do that he became wary of people discovering this apparently unusual skill.

In his third week, he successfully brought Potter out in boils, though his triumph was short lived when he was given his first detention, supervised by the ultra-strict Professor McGonagall. He and the other two detainees were given the task of cleaning the trophy room without magic. Severus found it rather an interesting task, reading the names of previous award winners. He found two Malfoys, five Blacks, and to his delight, one Prince. He spent so long gazing at the latter that McGonagall noticed and sharply reminded him that this was an exercise in cleaning, not in reading.

At the end of the detention the other boys could hardly get out of the room quickly enough, but Severus hung back, trying to get another look at the trophy that bore his ancestor's name. 'What are you doing, Snape?' asked McGonagall.

'Nothing,' he said quickly, turning away. The teacher was looking down at him.

'I must say, I was very disappointed to find you in detention so early in your school career, Mr Snape. You seem like a bright boy, you don't want to waste your talents getting into trouble.'

'That Potter boy provoked me,' he said sullenly, keeping his distance from her.

'Provocation is no excuse, Severus. You must learn to rise above it! Don't let your temper run away with you.' She shook her head. 'What does Professor Slughorn have to say about all this?'

Severus shrugged. 'He doesn't say anything. He can't even get my name right. Calls me Septimus, or Cerberus, or Sagittarius. He doesn't care about people like me. I could be in detention every night and he wouldn't notice.'

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips as though she was going to argue, but instead she gave a sigh. 'Well, _I_ have noticed, Mr Snape, and I expect better of you. And don't think that because I'm not your head of house, I won't write to your parents if this naughtiness continues.'

'Don't do that!' he almost shrieked, before he could stop himself. McGonagall raised her eyebrows. 'I mean… my Dad will go mad if any more owls come to the house.'

McGonagall continued to look at him very hard. 'Well then,' she said eventually. 'You'll have to make sure you behave yourself from now on, won't you?'

Severus nodded and escaped the room before McGonagall could lecture him any further. Behaving himself was all very well, but he knew Potter and Black weren't going to change their ways and he could hardly take that lying down. What was the point of being a wizard if you couldn't defend yourself?

But he did try harder to avoid the two boys. Unfortunately, only a few days after his detention, details of the first flying lesson were posted. With a sinking heart, Severus saw that the Slytherins were paired with the Gryffindors.

The other boys in his dorm talked about nothing else for the next two days. They were all aching to show off their flying and bemoaning the fact they couldn't have their own brooms. Severus was dreading the lessons. It sounded suspiciously like PE to him. Severus had always been terrible at PE.

The teacher did nothing to allay his fears. Madam Hooch had the hard boiled outdoorsy look of PE fanatics everywhere. She also had the foghorn voice and whistle on a string. 'Everyone stand beside a broom!' she bellowed, in the tones of one who had spent her career addressing large numbers of children in open spaces.

In the scrum to find a broom, Severus tried to get close to Lily, but ended up separated from her by two other Gryffindor girls, who gave him a disgusted look. Opposite him with the other Slytherins, Moran caught his eye before coldly looking away. Severus' heart sank a little bit more. Madam Hooch was bellowing at them again, instructing them to put out their hands and say 'up'. He did so reluctantly, but the broom remained firmly on the ground. He tried again, a little louder. The broom rolled slightly, but didn't rise. Looking around, he could see that most of the class were now holding onto broomsticks that were hovering next to them.

Panic gripped him, and he shouted 'UP!' again almost as loudly as Madam Hooch. Several people looked round and giggled. 'Having trouble, Snivelly?' shouted Potter.

'The broom probably doesn't want to get germs all over it,' commented Black, to the general amusement of the assembled students.

He looked down at the broom with a feeling of purest hatred, and said once again, 'Up!' in what he hoped was a menacing tone. He meant it too – if the stupid thing refused to obey again he had a good mind to snap it in half. Fortunately, this time the broom zoomed off the ground – so hard it knocked his hand aside and upended itself, hitting him on the nose. A wave of laughter spread around the class. Even Lily was laughing, though looking rather apologetic.

Seething, he pushed the broom down so that it was level, whilst Hooch bellowed for quiet, and instructed them to mount the brooms. Many of the class hopped on as though it was no more difficult than sitting on a chair. Severus glowered at the broom and tried to grab it. The broom had other ideas, slipping out of his grip and pulling backwards. He tried again, also unsuccessfully. Glancing sideways, he could see he was the last one not to be on his broom. Everyone else was watching his attempts with growing amusement.

'Come on, boy, we haven't got all day!' shouted Hooch. 'Stop being so lily-livered about it – you need to show it who's boss! Good firm grip now!'

He snatched at the broom, but it moved again, and he lurched over it. The laughter grew louder. Furiously he grabbed again, and managed to take hold of it. The handle tilted sharply, one way and then the other, as the broom resisted his attempts to mount it. He tried to swing a leg over, but the broom hit him painfully in the knee. It was all he could do to cling on. The rest of the students were now almost weeping with laughter, whilst Hooch shouted increasingly impatient advice. His face burned with humiliation, but he kept his hands locked around the broomstick. Letting go and giving up would be even worse than continuing this embarrassing pantomime.

Severus had never felt as miserable in his life before as he did during that lesson. He did eventually manage to sit on the broom, and even rise up and down on it. Potter, Black and most of the other Slytherins were placed in an advanced group, who could already fly well. They were soon soaring around, playing an aerial version of tag, and showing off with dives and tricks. Severus was stuck with mostly Muggle-born students, rising up and down like children on a merry-go-round.

Of course, Potter and Black took every opportunity to rub it in, waving and catcalling as they zipped about like birds. Potter in particular stood out. His turns were sharper, his dives more daring, and his ability to dodge around others in a black blur impressed even a couple of the Slytherins. Severus heard Jones and Moran both saying admiring things to him.

Finally it was over, and they were allowed to leave their brooms behind and return to the castle for dinner. Severus could hardly get away fast enough, and virtually ran from the scene of his torment. Someone was calling his name, but he ignored them. All he could think of was reaching the castle, and the relative safety of the common room. He couldn't even face the library.

'Severus!' Someone snatched at his sleeve and he rounded on them, teeth bared and wand out. He found himself face to face with Lily, looking shocked at the expression on his face. 'Are you all right?' she asked, tentatively.

Anger and hatred rose inside him like a tide of bile. 'Come to laugh at me some more?' he spat, tugging his robe furiously from her grasp and continuing up the steps.

'No! Severus, Sev! Wait!' She managed to get in front of him. Her cheeks were flushed and a couple of strands of hair had been blown across her face. 'I didn't mean to laugh at you – I didn't! It was just... I couldn't stop myself. I didn't mean to upset you, I really didn't!' He could see tears in her big green eyes, but all he could hear was the mocking laughter, all he could see was Lily, giggling with the rest and trying to hide her smile behind her hand.

He could also see, for real, the rest of the class approaching, Potter and Black loping in the lead. He only had a minute to make his escape before they were upon him. 'Just leave me alone!' he hissed to Lily. 'Go off to your stupid Gryffindor friends and enjoy laughing at me, you… traitor!' He pushed her aside, ignoring her continued pleas, and headed for the dungeons.

He found a chair in the common room near the fire and curled up in it, hoping to avoid notice. The dorm wasn't safe – Moran and the rest would be sure to go back there to change before dinner. Fortunately, the common room was quiet, with most students simply passing through to drop off books and meet friends before departing for the Great Hall. Severus had no desire to eat dinner. All he wanted was to disappear. He wished he could curl up so small, so tight, that he vanished altogether. Maybe he would die of shame, and become a ghost. He tried to imagine himself swooping around the castle, haunting Potter and the rest. Even that thought gave him little pleasure.

After a while, voices and footsteps indicated the first of the students were arriving back. He got up from the fire, shaking slightly, and made his way towards to the corridor leading to the dormitories. He would draw the curtains around the bed, get in, and pull the covers over his head. He would lie there and pretend to be asleep. The boys in his dorm did not actively tease him, they simply ignored him. He hoped that tonight would be no different.

'Severus?' He thought about ignoring the voice, but turned slightly, and saw Lucius Malfoy approaching him. The boy's long blond hair shone in the firelight. He looked, as always, impossibly cool. 'I didn't see you at dinner,' said Malfoy, laying a hand on his shoulder, something which made Severus squirm immediately.

'I didn't go,' said Severus, feeling his face burn hot. He didn't want Malfoy asking questions, looking at him suspiciously. He didn't want to be delayed so he was still there when the rest of the first years came back, ready to spread the story of his broomstick nightmare to the rest of the house.

Malfoy frowned as he looked him up and down. 'You're always missing meals. You must eat, Severus, a man has to keep his strength up.'

'I wasn't hungry,' whispered Severus, hating this, wanting to run. 'There's no rule says you have to go to meals.'

Lucius made an exasperated noise. 'No there isn't a rule, because most people _want _to go and eat. You have to eat, Severus, or you will get ill. You're already thin. When winter comes it gets very cold here. A little boy like you is sure to catch a chill, and then you'll be weak and tired and you won't be able to do your classes. You don't want that, do you?'

Severus shook his head. 'Sorry,' he whispered, hoping that would suffice to let him go.

But Malfoy was still staring at him with a slight frown, as if genuinely bewildered by Severus. 'You don't have to be sorry to me,' he said eventually. 'Look, why don't you run down to the Great Hall now? There'll still be some pudding left. It's spotted dick and custard.' He smiled in what he probably thought was an encouraging way.

The thought of going down to the Great Hall now, walking in as everyone else was walking out, sitting conspicuously trying to eat pudding, made his stomach tighten and constrict. For a horrible moment he thought he was going to be sick all over Malfoy. 'Please don't make me,' he said, in a choked whisper.

The crease between Malfoy's brows deepened further, and he looked for a moment so baffled that Severus felt a surge of liking for the older boy. 'Well, look,' he said eventually. 'You shouldn't go to bed with nothing to eat at all. Here.' He reached into a pocket and brought out a handful of brightly wrapped sweets. 'Why don't you have these? Keep your energy up.'

Severus looked down at the colourful wrappers and felt the tears rising inside him again. He swallowed hard to hold them back and tried to refuse, but Malfoy pushed them into his hands. 'Go on, take them, I've got lots more. My mother's always sending them to me. She'll send some more tomorrow, I expect.'

Realising it would be faster to accept than refuse, he forced them into the threadbare pocket of his robes and whispered, 'Thank you,' without looking Lucius in the face. To his alarm, he could feel the tears rising faster than he could resist them. Why wouldn't Malfoy just let him go?

'Hey, come on now,' said Malfoy, awkwardly patting his shoulder again. 'There's no need for that.'

With a superhuman effort, Severus forced down the urge to sob, and quickly wiped his face on his sleeve. 'M'OK,' he said. 'I think I'll go to bed now. Thanks, Malfoy.' He fled into the cool darkness of the corridor before the older boy could think of another reason to hold him back.

Lucius stood and stared after the little boy, before returning to his friends, who were now settled around the fire. He sprawled into the seat they had left for him, in a prime position close to the hearth. 'You're not making firsties cry are you, Lucius?' asked Narcissa in a teasing voice.

'No,' he said thoughtfully, looking again towards where Severus Snape had stood. 'He's a very strange little boy, he never eats anything.'

'So? More for us!' said Walden Macnair, who had taken the chair next to him. 'Runty little thing like that wouldn't need much anyway.'

'I'm supposed to look out for the younger boys,' said Malfoy, with a hint of irritation. 'I am a prefect, you know.'

'You may have mentioned it once or twice,' said Narcissa, with a roll of her eyes, but she rubbed his hand affectionately. 'I think it's very sweet that you're worried about the first years, Lew.' She leaned over to kiss him, and suddenly all thoughts of the strange little first year went out of Lucius' mind entirely.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – The Deal

The final straw for Severus came shortly after the first flying lesson. He'd passed a miserable two days, enduring the sniggers of the other first years, led by Potter and Black. He determinedly ignored Lily, refusing to look at her, although it was a torture to him. The harder he tried to pretend she didn't exist, the more she filled his every waking thought. He felt sick from spending all day in a state of tension, ready to flee at the first sign of Lily, Potter or Black.

As a result, he barely ate anything. Once or twice at meals, he caught Lucius Malfoy looking at him, which only made him feel more nervous and less hungry. However he piled up his plate in the hope that this would be enough to satisfy the prefect. He began to feel cold and headachey, and wondered if Lucius had been right about him making himself ill. He longed to escape.

But it was a disastrous Potions lesson that made up his mind. Potions was one of his better subjects, and more importantly, Potter and Black did not seem to share his aptitude. He sat next to Lily, although he was still hardly talking to her. She kept looking at him sidelong when she thought he wasn't looking. But Severus was always looking, out of the corner of his eye. Whenever Slughorn made a joke, she gave an extra big smile and a sort of effortful laugh, looking at him as though willing him to join in.

The more he ignored her, the harder and worse it felt, but the longer it went on, the less able he felt to make it up to her. He took out his anger on his asphodel, pounding it so thoroughly with his pestle and mortar that it was reduced to virtually its compound elements. They were supposed to be making a Burn-Cooling Paste, and he forced himself to focus slavishly on the instructions, the better to ignore Lily beside him. As a result, his potion was progressing well, unlike the rest of the class. He heard James Potter swear and Sirius Black snigger. 'I don't think it's meant to be that colour, mate.'

Severus stirred his potion carefully, adding the powdered asphodel bit by bit. It was thickening up nicely. Next to him, Lily's had developed lumps. He felt a thrill of anticipation that he might best even her this time. Judging by the bad smell now coming from behind them, the Gryffindor boys were failing spectacularly. Slughorn bustled past him as he added the final pinch of asphodel to his near-perfect paste.

'Oh dear, Porter. You weren't paying attention when I told you to add the nettle juice a little at a time, were you? Next time, spend a bit more time listening and a bit less whispering to Black here. I don't talk for the good of my health you know. And as for you Sirius, you can do much better than this! Just because you aren't in my house, doesn't mean I can't take an interest in you! After all, your relatives number among my very best students…'

Severus switched off from the rest of Slughorn's lengthy anecdote about Black's family. He went on in a similar vein every lesson. Lily whispered, 'Yours is looking really good, Sev.' He exchanged a quick look with her before he remembered that he was angry with her, and looked away again frowning.

Behind them, Slughorn had finished with Potter's gang and thankfully removed the foul smelling potion. The Professor lumbered forwards to their desk. 'Now, Miss Evans, let me see.' He ladled up some of her potion and examined it closely. 'Not bad at all for a first attempt, though the consistency isn't quite right. You need to add the asphodel more slowly, and stir very thoroughly. Good work though.'

Severus gazed at Slughorn as he approached. He felt as though he would burst. His perfectly brewed paste, the only one in the classroom, sat in his cauldron in front of him. Suddenly he felt that perhaps he would forgive Lily after all. Slughorn stood over the desk and looked down. Severus' eyes remained fixed on his face, waiting for the look of surprise, the declaration of approval.

Slughorn's moustache twitched. 'Whatever has happened here? What a frightful mess! Do clear it up, Septimus. It looks like you need to get your parents to buy you another cauldron before the next class.' He moved on without another glance.

Frozen with horror, it took Severus a long moment before he could bring himself to look down. His cauldron, old and rusty to start with, had finally broken. The bottom had fallen away, and his perfect burn-cooling paste was reduced to charcoal by the naked flames. Swearing, he saw at once that the cauldron was beyond repair. Next to him, he could hear Lily exclaiming sympathetically, whilst raucous laughter from the desks behind indicated Potter and company had witnessed the whole thing.

'Maybe the caretaker, Mr Filch, could fix it?' Lily was saying anxiously. He saw on her face that she knew he wouldn't be able to afford another one.

'Filch is an evil old git,' he muttered dismissively, all his old anger with her returning. Why did she have to be so nice and naïve? If only Slughorn hadn't gone to her first, he might have seen the potion before the cauldron broke. 'He won't help. I might as well throw this bit of junk,' he angrily slammed the cauldron off the fire, 'straight in the bin.'

'The gamekeeper then! He seems nice, I bet he'd help!' She was trying to catch his eye, but he didn't want to be pacified.

'We're not asking anyone for help, just leave it, Lily,' he muttered as the bell went. 'Stupid thing's completely screwed up, there's no point. You can go and have a good laugh with your friends about that too.' He grabbed his bag and stormed towards the door.

He was followed by a mocking chorus from Potter and his friends. 'Hey _Septimus_, d'you want me to ask my house-elf if he'll fix your cauldron for you?' called Black. 'He's ever so nice you know!'

As he left the room, he heard Lily's piping voice, shrill and indignant. 'Shut up Black, you're a pathetic bully! Your parents might have bought you a fancy cauldron but even that can't make up for the idiot using it!'

Severus didn't hear if Black had a come-back to that, as he made his way angrily back to his dormitory. He forced the broken remains of the cauldron into the bin. It wouldn't fit, and sat on top. It looked ridiculous. He slumped back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was going to miss Astronomy theory, but he didn't care. In fact, he didn't care about any of his lessons. He couldn't go back to Potions without a cauldron, and he certainly didn't have any money to buy a new one. How long before the rest of his miserable shabby possessions followed suit?

He lay for a long while, listening to his breathing returning to normal, his heart beating steadily in his chest. He began to imagine a world without him. He could get up right now, walk out of the school and never return. He thought of the purple mountains that stood on the horizon, soft and misty and magical. They seemed to represent another world. He imagined finding his way into those mountains, finding a cave, somewhere no one would find him.

Would anyone even look? He wasn't sure. He imagined the world forgetting about Severus Snape. Perhaps he would spend years in the mountains, teaching himself magic. He would practice and practice, inventing his own spells, until he was the most powerful wizard of all. Then he would return to the world, grown-up and handsome and skilful, and teach them all a lesson. He would dazzle the world with his brilliance, and laugh at the look on the faces of Professor Slughorn and Potter and Black. And then he'd go to Lily, and she would be speechless with astonishment, and beg him to be her friend again.

In fact the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like the obvious – the _only _– thing to do. He would run away from Hogwarts, and his problems, and strike out on his own. He would go that very night. Feeling a bit better, he rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. All he had to do was wait.

Severus awoke at midnight. It was dark in the dormitory and the air had that stuffy, heavy feeling of a room full of sleeping people. After listening for a minute, he got up and dressed in his robes and cloak. Moving as quietly as he could, he emptied his schoolbag and went through his meagre possessions. He selected his least threadbare pairs of underpants and socks, took the candle from his bedside table, and after some thought placed the _Standard Book of Spells Grade 1 _and _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi _back inside his bag along with the underwear and candle. He added his hairbrush and toothbrush, and his box of potions ingredients, and then slung the bag over his shoulder. His wand he kept in his hand.

He looked around the little room and tried to feel some remorse at leaving it. But he felt nothing. It was just a place. Maybe he didn't believe in his heart of hearts that he'd never return again. So he left, and made his way down the dark corridor. Snores came from some dormitories, and soft voices from another. Then he was in the common room, which was deserted. The fire had burned down low and the room was full of shadows.

He'd made it all the way to the exit, when it opened in front of him and someone stepped through, almost colliding with him. 'Oh! Sorry, I… where are you going?' It was Lucius Malfoy, looking at him with his grey eyes narrowed suspiciously. 'What are you doing up this late? Don't you know it's past curfew?'

Cursing his bad luck, Severus didn't know what to say. 'You're out past curfew then,' he said finally.

'I'm a prefect,' said Malfoy coldly. 'You, however, are a first year. You should be in bed with lights out by ten o'clock, never mind wandering around the common room at quarter past twelve. And certainly not heading out into the castle. What are you doing?'

'Nothing,' he muttered sullenly. 'I didn't realise it was this late.'

Malfoy raised one eyebrow, which looked so cool Severus longed to ask him how he did it. 'You must think I was born yesterday. What's going on? Did one of the older boys put you up to this?'

'No!' he protested, irritated at the assumption he couldn't have decided to be up after curfew on his own volition. His brain was in overdrive trying to think of a lie. 'I… I realised one of my library books was overdue. And I was really worried about it. I couldn't sleep. So I thought I'd try and take it back.' He stared at Lucius, wondering if the prefect would believe him.

Malfoy made a disbelieving noise. 'Well then, let's see inside your bag. If your story is true, I assume it holds the aforementioned book.'

Severus stared at the prefect, clutching his bag tightly to his chest, outwitted and furious. At that moment he actually felt as though he hated Malfoy. He was so smug, so confident, standing there and clearly enjoying Severus' discomfort, knowing the younger boy was lying but prolonging the misery. Malfoy wouldn't be able to comprehend how bad Severus felt. Lucius could never imagine the indignity of being a friendless half-blood with possessions that were falling to pieces and teachers that couldn't even get his name right.

'Come on, Severus, hand it over. We haven't got all night.' Malfoy held out a hand with a look of long-suffering patronisation on his face.

He didn't know why he did it. Maybe something inside him snapped. Maybe it was the natural reaction of a trapped animal to an advancing predator. Before his brain had really intervened, he had pulled out his wand and waved it at Lucius. The older boy gasped, caught off guard, and fell to the side, as though pushed. Severus tried to dodge around him to the exit, but Malfoy dived sideways to head him off. Furious, no longer sure what he was trying to achieve, Severus waved his wand in a sweeping gesture, willing the candles to extinguish themselves. The room was plunged into semi-darkness, lit only by the shifting flames of the dying fire. He tried once again to run for the door.

But Lucius had his own wand out now, and brandishing it he shouted, '_Expelliarmus!' _and Severus' wand was wrenched from his hand and clattered to the floor by Malfoy's feet. Severus tried to run again, but in two steps, the prefect was upon him and grabbed him by the front of his robes. Malfoy looked very angry now, his face tense and so close to Severus' he could see the blood vessels in the older boy's eyes. 'What the hell are you doing! How dare you attack a prefect, attack _me_! You listen to me, Severus. _I_ am in charge around here. Do you understand?'

Severus, unable to breathe properly, managed to nod his head. Malfoy continued. 'Now, you had better tell me what is going on, and tell me fast. Unless I hear a damn good reason for your behaviour, you'll be going into detention for a month. And believe me, that is the very least of what I could have done to you.' He glowered at Severus for a moment more, then let go of him. Severus fell down as Malfoy stepped back, gathering up Severus' wand and pocketing it. 'Talk,' he said, through gritted teeth.

Shaking with fear and rage and defiance, Severus clambered to his feet. 'You can put me in detention if you want. It doesn't matter now. I'm leaving school, and you can't stop me.' The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Malfoy raised his eyebrows. 'I think you'll find I can.'

'No you can't! Maybe tonight you can, but I won't give up. You can't watch me all the time, and you can't lock me up, it's not a prison. Soon as I get the chance, I'll escape. Or I'll do something really bad so I get expelled.' He stood staring Lucius down, fists clenched, breathing hard.

The older boy was staring at him, his expression unreadable. Finally he said, 'I suppose it's too much to ask why you are so desperate to leave?'

'I hate this stupid school, I hate everything about it. I'm not going to stay here for seven whole years, I'm better off on my own. I'll teach myself magic.' He hefted the bag over his shoulder and wondered whether he could dodge past Malfoy.

'Pah!' Malfoy made a noise halfway between disgust and amusement. 'You wouldn't last five minutes before they tracked you down and brought you back, you silly little boy. I've never heard anything so stupid. Teach yourself magic!'

'I could teach myself magic! Most of the magic I do is stuff I make up myself. I managed to almost knock you right over, no one taught me that. We've spent the last four weeks in Charms learning two stupid spells that I learned in five minutes. I'd learn _more _on my own.'

Again, Malfoy stared at him, his eyes narrowed. Some instinct told Severus to hold his tongue, so he waited. Eventually Lucius said, 'All right, you have some talent. All the more reason to stay in school and learn how to do proper magic. No one ups and leaves Hogwarts, it's just not done. Whatever would your father say?'

Severus laughed, seeing an opportunity. 'He never wanted me to come here anyway. He hates me, and he hates magic.' He stared at Malfoy, suddenly seeing a way he could persuade the prefect to let him leave. 'He's Muggle. My Dad's a Muggle, a stupid, worthless Muggle. There, see? I'm a mudblood, I shouldn't even be here at Hogwarts. Now will you let me go?'

Malfoy looked taken aback, but he didn't stop blocking the exit. 'Your mother? Your mother is a witch?' he asked.

'Yeah, though she never does magic. _He _doesn't let her.' He shrugged his shoulders, as though trying to rid himself of the thought of his parents.

'So you're a half-blood then. What is your mother's maiden name? Her family name, from before she married your father,' he added, as though Severus might not know what 'maiden name' meant.

'Prince,' said Severus sullenly.

'Prince… yes, there is a Prince family I think. Not one of the better families, but pure enough. Obviously, it's not a desirable situation_. _It's not as good as being pureblood. But you still have a right to study magic. Your mother is a witch, you are therefore of wizarding stock. If you were a mudblood, you would never have been sorted into Slytherin.'

Severus hesitated as he absorbed Malfoy's words, but decided it made no difference. Even if being a half-blood was acceptable, it didn't change the fact he was poor, and inadequate, and unpopular. 'I still hate Hogwarts,' he told Malfoy. 'I still want to leave.'

Malfoy sighed deeply. 'Very well, why don't you tell me what you hate about Hogwarts so much?'

'Everything,' he said shortly, considering if he could grab his wand back from Malfoy. He wanted to get away as soon as he could. He had a feeling that if he left it too long his nerve would go.

The prefect held out a single hand and blocked Severus. His wand was grasped in his other hand, but he didn't move to use it. 'Well. Let's hear it then.'

'There's no point talking about it,' muttered Severus, desperate to get away. 'Look, please just let me have my wand back. I'm sorry I tried to hex you. You're the only person here who's been nice to me. Please, Malfoy, I really am sorry. Please just let me go.' He stood, head bowed, hoping.

'You're about to leave the school forever. Another ten minutes telling me what the big problem is won't make any difference.' Malfoy spoke lightly and he sounded almost amused. He indicated a chair. 'Sit down.' Malfoy said a spell and the chair shot across the room to stop behind Severus. He indicated it again and raised his eyebrows. Furious, Severus sat down on it. Malfoy definitely looked amused now, and took his time selecting a chair opposite and sitting down. He lolled back in it, apparently relaxed, toying with the two wands. 'Come on, then. What has upset you so much that you'd leave school?'

He stared at the fire to avoid looking at Malfoy. How could he begin to explain? Trying to describe the problems faced by someone like him, to someone like Malfoy, was like trying to explain to a fish why running was hard work. 'You won't understand,' he said sadly.

'This is getting tiresome. Tell me what the problems are, or I'll send you to bed and put a body bind on you to stop you escaping overnight, then in the morning we'll go to Slughorn and you can tell him. I don't have all night to sit here.' Malfoy's voice was suddenly hard. 'I've been more than kind to you tonight, Severus. Not many boys would be allowed to get away with hexing me. The only reason I haven't shown you what a proper hex looks like is because you interest me. I suggest you would find it preferable to remain interesting.'

'Fine! I'll tell you then.' The words spilled out of him, as he described how he didn't fit in, how he knew next to nothing about the wizarding world, how his cauldron had disintegrated and the rest of his possessions were heading the same way, how he was hopeless at flying and tormented by Gryffindors. When at least he'd listed every miserable event of the past month, he paused and took a deep breath, staring defiantly at Malfoy. 'So, you see, I'm better off to go and live in a cave somewhere and teach myself.'

'A cave?' Malfoy laughed. 'Where are you going to find a cave? And supposing you do find one, what will you eat?'

'I'll Transfigure stuff,' said Severus, although he knew he hadn't mastered matchsticks into needles yet, let alone dinner.

'You can't Transfigure food, it's an exemption to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration,' said Lucius wearily. 'You're so far out of your depth you don't even realise how preposterous what you're saying is. Even supposing you succeeded – which you wouldn't – what would you do once you came of age? Go and find a job? How's that going to work out when you've got no exam grades and no connections? Or do you propose to continue living in a cave for the rest of your natural life?'

With a sinking heart, Severus knew Lucius was right. Knowing he didn't even have the option of running away, he slumped in his chair as despair overtook him. He wanted to cry but no tears came. He felt too hopeless even for that. He wasn't even aware of Lucius watching him closely, a calculating look on his handsome face. Malfoy drummed his fingers thoughtfully on the arm of his chair. The fire crackled softly in the background.

'You are a strange little boy, Severus,' said Malfoy eventually. He gave a heavy sigh. 'It so happens that right now I find myself in need of assistance with trivial tasks. One does find it very hard work balancing all of one's commitments, when one is a prefect, and studying for five NEWTs, and captain of the Quidditch team.' Lucius paused after listing his accomplishments so that Severus could look fully impressed. 'It would be very useful for me to have someone to help me with all the minor daily annoyances – feeding my owl, fetching library books, running errands. And goodness knows someone needs to keep an eye on you. If you stick with me, you can't go wrong.'

Rousing himself from his gloomy thoughts, it took Severus a moment to realise what Lucius was saying. 'You mean… me help you?'

'We help each other. My friendship is a gift you cannot afford to refuse, and will far outweigh any minor assistance you can give me with daily chores. Well, what do you say? If you're not interested, I'm sure one of the other first years would be. Jones, for instance…'

'No!' said Severus quickly. 'I'll do it.'

Malfoy smiled and rose to his feet. 'Good. We have a deal then. Shake on it.' He held out his hand. Severus hesitated for only a moment before shaking it. Malfoy gripped very tightly, hurting Severus' fingers. 'No more talk of running away, then. You are to make yourself available when I request it. You may sit with my friends and I, unless I send you away. If you have difficulties such as the ones you have described, with Gryffindors and cauldrons and such like, you may inform me and I may choose to assist you.'

Severus nodded. 'Thank you.'

'Now, off you go to bed, I need you up in the morning to take a letter to my owl.' He reached into his pocket and removed Severus' wand. As the younger boy jumped eagerly to take it, he snatched it back out of reach. His voice was still light and he was still smiling, but his eyes were very cold all of a sudden. 'And Severus? If you ever, _ever_, behave like that towards me again, I will make sure you live to regret it. Comprendez?'

Severus had no idea was 'comprendez' meant, and stared terrified at Lucius. After a moment the older boy rolled his eyes. 'Understand, do you understand?' he asked.

'Yes,' said Severus, nodding his head vigorously.

'All right then. Just remember, I've granted you clemency on this occasion. Step out of line again, and I will make your life so miserable that you will look back on the misfortunes of the last month as a golden era of happiness by comparison.' He smiled again, and threw the wand carelessly towards the younger boy.

Severus fumbled the catch and had to chase the wand across the floor. With one last glance at Lucius, he fled back to his dormitory. He wasn't sure if what had just happened was a good thing or not, but as he clambered into his bed he had to admit to himself he was glad not to be setting off into the cold night.

'Severus! Severus, wait! It's me.' Lily's voice was breathless, and she elbowed her way past a big group of Ravenclaws in her haste to reach him.

Despite himself, Severus stopped and waited. When she drew near, he said, 'What do you want?'

She laid a hand on his arm. 'Oh Sev, please stop being cross with me! I'm so worried about you. Look, I've been saving up my pocket money, and I think it's enough to get a new cauldron.'

Surprised, he bit back the retort he'd been preparing. 'Really? You'd spend all your pocket money on a cauldron for me?'

'Of course I would! Sev, I'd do anything for you. You're my best friend.' Her big green eyes were bright with tears. 'I'm sorry I'm in Gryffindor, Sev. I did ask the hat about Slytherin, but it said I'd be better in Gryffindor. I didn't know what to do... I mean, it's up to the hat, isn't it.'

'I s'pose so,' said Severus grudgingly. He was impressed that Lily had at least asked about Slytherin. 'Anyway, thanks for offering about the cauldron. That's really kind of you.'

'It's nothing. Look, I'll go to Professor McGonagall and ask how we can get one. They won't let us go to Diagon Alley on our own, but I expect there's a way to get things sent.'

'Listen, you don't have to do that, Lily…'

'I know I don't have to, but I want to! And Sev, if you don't get another cauldron, how will you do Potions?'

He shifted his weight awkwardly. 'I mean, you don't have to because I've already got another one. One of the sixth years – Lucius Malfoy - is letting me borrow his. His classes are different days to ours. He's taught me a good spell to clean it as well. But thank you, Lily.' He smiled at her, feeling a sudden warm glow of happiness.

Lily's eyes widened. 'Lucius Malfoy? You're friends with Lucius Malfoy?'

'Yeah,' he said, trying to sound casual. 'How come you know of him?'

'Oh, everyone knows Lucius! I mean, all the older girls talk about him – they're all a bit in love with him, even though he's a Slytherin and he has a girlfriend. She's that stupid Sirius Black's cousin, apparently – though she doesn't look like him, does she? Anyway, Black says Malfoy's family are really rich – and Black's family must be pretty rich themselves. Fancy you're friends with him, Sev!' She beamed at him, looking so impressed that Severus felt as though he'd grown a couple of inches taller.

'You're still my best friend though,' he said generously. 'D'you want to meet up in the library after dinner? I've found a really good book of hexes.'

'Hexes? Are we allowed to do hexes?'

He shrugged. 'If we weren't allowed to them, they wouldn't be in a library book, would they. But if you're scared…'

Immediately she puffed out her chest defiantly. 'Course I'm not scared! I'll see you in the library at seven then.'

They parted company as the bell rang for the end of breaktime. He felt so happy he smiled at Jones without thinking about it, and to his surprise the other boy smiled back. Things were looking up at last.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – The Wonderful World of Lucius Malfoy

Severus carefully adjusted the fork, tilting the bread against the flames. There was a certain art to getting the right level of browning on the toast. His back was against the carved leg of Lucius' chair. He listened to his mentor's smooth voice, talking to Macnair and Blackwell over the pages of the _Daily Prophet. _'Of course, there's a lot of liberal handwringing going on, as always does when these incidents occur. People can't accept it's inevitable. If Muggles insist on wandering into inconvenient places, they're bringing it on themselves.'

'Do you think Mr Higgs will get off?' asked Blackwell. Severus listened closely as he removed the toast from the fire, transferring it to the small side plate. He quickly added a thick coating of butter.

'Oh yes, once things have calmed down. He'll be quietly released, I'm sure of it. After all, what's the point of having the Statue of Secrecy if wizards are going to be punished for trying to enforce it?' Lucius yawned and rustled the paper. 'Oh, thank you Severus,' he added, as the younger boy handed him the plate.

'My father told me old Hildebrand Moncrief is going to try getting a Muggle baiting law passed again. Playing the legitimate sport card. You know; older than Quidditch, part of our cultural heritage and whatnot.'

Lucius crunched on his toast. 'Ah yes, dear old Hildebrand. The law will never pass of course. Might as well tackle a dragon with a parchment shield. Still, the likes of Moncrief are a useful distraction. Whilst everyone is sniggering or up in righteous indignation, more subtle politicians can get on with the real work.'

Blackwell looked up, baffled. 'Like what?'

'Like amendment thirty-seven,' said Lucius in an offhand voice. 'Severus, you can get on with the research for that Charms essay now.'

'What's amendment thirty-seven?' asked Blackwell, shooting a look at Severus. If Malfoy had needed anything else to seal his place at the head of the Slytherin in-crowd, it was his stroke of genius in finding a younger boy to act as his general dogsbody.

Malfoy tutted. 'Honestly Monty, don't you pay attention? It's a very minor change to the Improper Use of Charms Act. It removes the word 'non-human' from one of the paragraphs.' He flipped over the _Prophet _and began doing the crossword_._

'What difference does that make to anything then?' asked Macnair, who was trying to write his own Charms essay. 'Hey Severus, have you found anything about Replicating spells yet?'

'No copying my work,' said Malfoy smoothly. 'The difference is that, if the amendment is passed - which it will be because everyone's too busy worrying about Hildebrand's Muggle-baiting to notice two little words in an obscure act generally used to prosecute old codgers with rather too much _fondness _for their pets - if the amendment passes then the act could be applied to Muggles.'

'So if someone does something bad to a Muggle, they could get off?' asked Macnair, looking hopeful.

'Not get off, exactly. But they could be tried under the Improper Charms act, where the punishments are a lot less severe than some of the Muggle related ones. That said, it's only a theoretical thing – you'd need a good lawyer to argue the case. But it's a small step in the right direction.'

'My father is thinking about joining these new Wizard Rights people, the Death Eaters,' said Blackwell.

'The who?' Macnair looked up from his essay in disgust. '_Death Eaters_? What sort of a name is that? Sounds horrible.'

'It's the new name the Knights of Walpurgis are using,' said Lucius in a supercilious tone. 'You really should make more effort to follow politics, Walden.'

Macnair made a dismissive noise. 'Politics is boring. Anyway, I don't need to when I've got you to tell me – you understand all this stuff far better than I do. So why have they changed their name?'

'Knights of Walpurgis was never their real name, it was just what people called them, since their first protest was on Walpurgis night. Cuffe in the _Prophet _made it up – his idea of a clever play on words. Since they've been recruiting more actively, they've been using their proper name. They believe if wizards didn't have to waste effort hiding from Muggles, and had purer blood, they would live longer.'

'D'you think they're right?'

'Maybe. Muggles don't live as long as wizards, so probably Muggle blood shortens one's lifespan. And just think of all the wizards who spend their lives maintaining the Statute of Secrecy and looking after Muggles. If they were all researching anti-death magic, like alchemy...'

'So we should all be joining up then?' asked Blackwell, watching Malfoy intently.

Malfoy shifted his gaze from the _Prophet _and seemed to give this real thought. 'If they stood a chance of succeeding, then yes. There have been groups like this before and they've never got far. No one knows much about their leader – he calls himself 'Lord' something. I suppose if he turns out to be credible then they might have a chance.'

'Well, once my father has joined up, I'll be able to let you know,' said Blackwell, looking rather pleased that he would be able to lay claim to superior knowledge of the shadowy organisation.

The entrance the common room slid open and Roddy Lestrange entered. Severus heard Lucius make the smallest noise that may have been a groan. Roddy was in the seventh year, and was one of the few people who considered himself above Lucius. He greeted the boys, ignoring Severus, and pulled up a chair to join them. 'So, Malfoy, Hufflepuff for the first game of the season. I hear they've got some pretty strong Beaters, maybe we should rethink…'

Lucius interrupted him. 'We? There is no 'we', Rodolphus. _I _am Quidditch captain, and any decisions about tactics are mine and mine alone.'

Roddy didn't let this hostile reception bother him. 'Just thought I'd give you the benefit of my expertise, old boy. You really don't want to lose to the Huffleduffers in your first game as captain! Just imagine! You'd never be able to show your face in here again.'

Lucius folded the _Prophet_ suddenly and stood up. 'I'm tired. Severus, bring those books to my dorm.'

Severus obediently gathered up the pile of textbooks and followed Lucius to his dormitory. Lucius was perfectly good at hover charms, but having Severus struggle along behind him with a pile of possessions was a far better status symbol.

'I've folded up your Quidditch robes,' he informed the older boy.

'Good,' said Lucius in an offhand voice, tossing the _Prophet _onto the floor. 'Have it if it you want it,' he added, indicating the discarded paper with his toe. He unloosed his hair and began to brush it viciously. 'Stupid bloody Lestrange. Benefit of his expertise indeed! Like he thinks flunking his exams and having to repeat the seventh year is something to be _proud _of!'

'Roddy's an eighth year?' asked Severus, surprised.

'Oh yes. He was Quidditch captain last year. What with that and his girlfriend, his exams rather fell by the wayside – well, Roddy's not the brightest candle in the chandelier and he's hardly the studious type. So he's had to repeat the year, and I took over as Quidditch captain. But he still thinks that he knows best.'

'I think you're a great Quidditch captain, Lucius,' said Severus loyally. He didn't have much to compare to, but Lucius certainly was good at giving people orders.

Lucius smiled. 'Of course you do. Well, run along then.'

Fortunately Slytherin won the Quidditch game by a large margin, and the celebrations went on all night. Many of the students used the journey home for Christmas the following day as a chance to catch up on sleep. Severus searched out Lily and they spent the journey playing card games. As they neared London, she put her wand away and said, 'It's weird, isn't it, that we can't do magic now for three weeks? I've sort of got used to it.'

'Yeah,' agreed Severus with a scowl. 'Stupid rules about not using it out of school. They let the older children use it in Hogsmeade when they go there – what's the difference? Boy in my house _lives _in Hogsmeade. How's it different whether he does spells there in the summer or on a term time Saturday?'

'Does your Mum do much magic at home, Sev?'

He shook his head, still frowning. 'No, I don't think she ever does. She says magic makes the electricity go funny. And Dad wouldn't like that.' He hesitated and then asked, rather breathlessly, 'Can we play, during the holiday? I mean, it'll be cold for outside, but maybe I could come to your house?'

'Oh yes, I expect so. But I want to see my friends from school first – it's been three months since I saw them! You know, Jenny and Lizzie and Sarah. I want to catch up with them whilst I'm home.'

His frown deepened further. 'What do you want to see them for? They're… you know… Muggles. You won't be able to say anything to them. When you're with me, we can talk about normal things.'

'Sev, they're my friends! Anyway, I can see you all the time at school, I can only see them in the holiday. And there's my family too, my Mum and Dad and Tuney.'

'Yeah, but we don't see each other _all the time, _do we? I hardly see you at all.' He hunched his shoulders and stuck out his lower lip.

'Oh Severus, please don't sulk. You know I see you as much as I can. Come on, stop being such a grump, it's Christmas!'

If Eileen Snape was pleased to see her only child when the train pulled in at King's Cross, she showed little sign of it. She heaved his trunk onto a trolley and led him away to the Muggle part of the station, grousing all the way. 'Why they insist on sending you kids all the way from Scotland down to London, just so I can take you halfway back again, I don't know. Had to save all month for the train fares.'

'Can't you apparate us?' he asked, trying to get a last glimpse of Lily.

'Haven't apparated in years,' she said dourly, 'and I don't think it's a good idea to try now. Besides, it's too far for the likes of me, especially hauling a great big lad like you. Still growing like a weed, I see.'

Severus hadn't really noticed, but now he thought about it, his robes were a bit less overlong than they had been at the start of term. His mother continued, 'You went into Slytherin, then?'

'Yes.' He hadn't been able to exchange letters with his mother due to her fear of owls 'attracting attention'. He knew from the letter of Petunia's that Muggle post could reach Hogwarts, but he hardly wanted to be seen by his classmates sending or receiving letters that way.

'That's good, wasn't sure if they'd have you, with your Muggle blood. Is Slughorn still there?'

'Yes, he never gets my name right though. He only likes the posh pureblood kids, like Sirius Black.' He pulled a face at the thought of his enemy.

'Oh, I remember the Blacks. Very grand family. Is Armando Dippet still Headmaster?'

'No, it's Professor Dumbledore. We don't see him very often, Lucius says he's always got better things to do.' Severus almost had to jog to keep up with his mother's fast pace.

'Dumbledore? He taught Transfiguration when I was at school. Most of the kids loved him, but I always thought he had a funny way of looking at you. I'd have thought old Sluggy might have got made Head before Dumbledore.' She sniffed. 'Anyway, that's enough yabbering about your school. Better not mention it again, your Dad won't like it.'

Severus could fill a book with things his Dad didn't like, although magic would definitely have been on the first page, along with Severus himself. The main thing his Dad did like was beer, and lots of it. Once they got home, he hid his school things, keeping only his favourite books for reading. He shut himself in his bedroom until he had virtually memorised _Joking With Jinxes, _a book of interesting curses and hexes he'd borrowed from the library, that he hoped to use on Potter and Black.

Three days into the holiday, there was a knock on the front door and his mother called him downstairs. Lily was standing on the doorstep, her beautiful coppery hair shining in the winter sun. 'Lily! Hello!' He saw his mother hovering disapprovingly in the background. 'Hang on, I'll get my coat.'

They walked down towards to old mill. 'Are your friends busy?' asked Severus, hands plunged deep in pockets as they trudged down the street.

'Oh… yes.' Lily didn't meet his eye. In fact, she wasn't her usual smiley self. He tried to entertain with talk about the hexes he'd read, but she barely seemed to be listening. When they reached the mill, Severus led the way to the brick wall overlooking the river that was their main haunt. He gave her a hand up, and they settled themselves.

'What's the matter?' he asked her, after a heavy pause.

Lily swung her legs so her feet beat against the wall, and refused to look at him. After a moment, she said, 'It was weird, Sev. I thought… I thought it would be just like it used to be, when we were at school. But it wasn't.' He thought he could see tears in her eyes, and he tentatively reached out and put an arm round her. To his alarm, she turned and threw her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder.

'They'd all changed so much, Sev! They kept talking about these new girls they'd met at St Bart's, and going on about teachers and things I didn't know anything about. Sometimes one of them would say something, and the others would laugh, like they all knew what it meant, and I didn't have a clue! It was so horrible, Sev!'

He nodded sympathetically. He knew exactly how horrible that was. After all, the other Slytherin boys did it all the time. Lily continued, 'They kept talking about this new band they like, and of course I'd never heard of them, and Lizzie was wearing _make-up_! I couldn't say anything about Hogwarts, because I can't tell them about being a witch, so I just have to pretend it's a normal boarding school. I'm never going to be able to tell them anything, Severus.'

'They should get rid of the Statue of Secrecy,' said Severus, patting her vaguely. 'Then you could show them! They'd know then, that you're better than them.'

'But I'm _not _better than them!' wailed Lily. 'I don't want to be better than them, I want to be the _same_ as them. I want things to be just like they were. And home's weird too. Mum and Dad like hearing about magic, but it's like I'm talking another language. It means nothing to them. And Tuney's still cross with me. I thought she might have forgiven me by now, but if I try to talk to her she says she's busy listening to records or doing homework.'

'Petunia's horrible anyway,' he said, trying to console her, but Lily still cried into the shoulder of his ill-fitting anorak. 'Come on, Lily. It was bound to be different after you'd been to Hogwarts. But it's worth it, isn't it, to be able to do magic?'

'I suppose so,' she said, not sounding sure.

'You've still got me,' he reminded her. 'I'll always be your friend, whatever happens. I'm your friend here and at Hogwarts.'

She gave a watery smile. 'Yes. Thank goodness I met you, Sev. You're my best friend, for always.'

His smile was the biggest and most sincere she'd ever seen. 'Come on, let's play exploding snap. I've brought the cards.'

Christmas came and went. Eileen burned the dinner again – she'd never got the hang of Muggle cooking – and the row went on for the rest of the day and most of Boxing Day. Severus was glad when January came, and once again they found themselves at King's Cross station. His mother hugged him goodbye rather stiffly. She was wearing a hat with a veil to hide her black eye. 'Maybe you should stay up at school for Easter,' she said. 'The train fares… you know.'

'Yeah, OK,' he said, wriggling out of her arms. 'See you then.'

On the train, he found Lily red-eyed after saying goodbye to her parents. He put a proprietorial arm around her and steered her in search of a spare compartment. Halfway along they came across Potter and Black. Severus felt his old hatred reawaken as he remembered just how much he detested that pair. 'Oh look, it's Snivelly,' said Black. 'I wouldn't let him touch you, Evans.'

But Potter was looking at Lily's tear stained face. 'I say, are you all right, Evans?' he asked, rather earnestly.

'She's fine,' snapped Severus, not liking this friendly overture. 'At least, she was until you two appeared, sticking your noses in. Why don't you just leave us alone?'

Black opened his mouth to say something, but Potter tugged on his sleeve and the two slunk back into their compartment. Feeling he'd won a small victory, Severus continued down the train.

Lucius had brought back some of his old school robes for Severus, which was just as well as the ones he'd bought in Diagon Alley were starting to get a little tight. He spent the first few weeks of term teaching Severus some new spells, mostly ones that would be of use in his role as Lucius' unofficial servant. One was a tricky warming charm, that resulted in Severus setting fire to several pairs of old socks before he'd mastered it. Fortunately Malfoy found this highly amusing. 'Next thing we've got to do is get you on a broom, Severus,' he added casually.

Severus was so alarmed he dropped the smouldering socks. Flying was not something he enjoyed. His fortnightly lessons were a form of torture, and he still wouldn't fly any more than three feet off the ground. 'No chance,' he said. 'Thanks and all that, but I'm no good.'

'Nonsense, you just haven't been taught properly. You have to be able to fly, Severus, if you want to be a proper wizard.'

'Can't I just apparate everywhere?' he asked hopefully.

Malfoy shook his head. 'Where's the fun in that? Anyway, apparition is far more dangerous than flying, unreliable over long distances, tiring, and dull. After next Quidditch practice, I'll take you up.'

When Lucius finished the next evening's practice, Severus hopefully headed back towards the changing rooms, but the older boy called him back. 'Not so fast, Severus. Come on, don't you trust me?'

'Course I trust you,' he said, irritably. 'It's that thing I don't trust,' he added, indicating the broom.

''_That thing' _is a Nimbus nineteen-hundred,' said Malfoy, sounding rather offended. 'One of the best racing brooms on the market. It's not one of your pokey school brooms. Come on, get on.'

'What… with you?' asked Severus, keeping a healthy distance between himself and the broom.

'I'm not letting you take it up on your own! Hurry up now.'

Severus hesitated, but you couldn't really say no to Lucius, so he climbed on behind the older boy. He reached around his friend, uncomfortable at the physicality of the situation. Lucius glanced back at him. 'Ready?' he asked. 'Hold on tight then.' Without waiting for an answer he kicked off from the ground and Severus forgot his inhibitions and clung on tightly as they shot into the night, seeming to leave his stomach behind. Air rushed past his face, colder than he could have imagined. He realised he was holding his breath, and gasped as though drowning, the air gushing into his mouth like liquid.

Then they tipped suddenly and he made a noise that could only be described as a squeal as they banked and turned, before dropping in a dizzying dive. Lucius pulled up several feet off the ground, and they began to ascend again in a spiral. Severus, who had closed his eyes, managed to open them, as they circled slowly.

The world was spread out beneath them, the forest stretching away further than he could have imagined. The mountains, which had always seemed like a cardboard backdrop from the ground, now gained a new depth. He could see valleys and gradations in height, false summits, even hidden pools of snow in sunless crevices. Lucius leant to the left and they were flying over the lake, which seemed to glow in the moonlight.

'All right?' Even at this slow speed, Lucius' words were whipped past his ears.

Severus nodded, then realised his friend couldn't see. 'Yeah,' he managed, his voice squeaking only slightly.

Lucius continued to speak over his shoulder, barely looking where he was going. 'See, it's not so bad. You just need to get a feel for it. You've got to be at one with the broomstick. Lean with it.' He flew in a lazy figure of eight. 'No, you're leaning against it. That will make you wobble about.'

'But it's hard not to,' gasped Severus. 'If I lean the same way, I might tip over altogether!'

'You won't though. And even if you did, you've seen me do a standing roll, right?' That trick was a speciality of Malfoy's. 'So even if you go right upside down, you can still stay on and come up. Don't worry though, we won't do that today.'

Severus had to admit that it was quite exhilarating, though he was heartily glad to get his feet back on the ground. He made sure he thanked Malfoy profusely, praising the older boy's skills, which Malfoy lapped up happily. 'Don't mention it,' he said, once Severus had mentioned it sufficiently often. 'Now run along to the kitchens and fetch me up some crumpets, will you? I fancy a snack. Then you can clean my broom.'

Being Lucius' friend – albeit a rather downtrodden one – opened social doors for Severus. He found himself much more accepted, on the fringe of the multi-year gang of 'old family' Slytherins. No one thought to question his blood status. But one door remained firmly shut, and that was to the Slug Club. Naturally, Lucius was part of Slughorn's group of favoured students, as was Narcissa, but Severus never got to go along to any of the 'gatherings' or 'supper parties'.

'Can't you wangle me an invite, Lucius?' he pleaded on one occasion, when Malfoy was in a particularly good mood having beaten Ravenclaw at Quidditch.

'No, Severus, it doesn't work like that. Slughorn himself has got to pick you out. Either because you've got family connections, or because he likes you. You'll just have to do something to impress him.'

He certainly tried his hardest. He swotted up on potions until he was consistently the best in the class, although Lily also showed a flair for the subject and came a close second. But despite his good marks, Slughorn never gave him more than a second glance and a 'good work, Septimus'.

'I don't know why it bothers you so much, Sev,' said Lily, one evening in the library. Severus was fuming about Slughorn's latest brush off. 'He only cares about people who've got rich, important parents! If someone is that silly, I think I'd rather not be liked by them.'

Severus couldn't really put into words exactly why it did bother him. All he knew was that he was fast becoming obsessed with getting into Slug Club. 'It will make all the difference, Lily,' he told her, as he thumbed through his mother's old NEWT level potions textbook that he'd found in the attic. 'People in Slug Club get all the best jobs – Slughorn knows everyone, and he can get favours off them. He got Jones' brother a good job in the Ministry, and Cissy's big sister a charm-setter's job in one of the big firms.'

'If by 'Cissy' you mean Narcissa Black, her sister would have got a good job anyway,' said Lily dismissively. 'The Blacks always get what they want, without having to work for it. It's what makes Sirius so insufferable.'

Severus could have made a list of things that made Sirius Black so insufferable, but he decided now probably wasn't the time to go into it. Instead he said, 'Slughorn isn't only interested in the high class families, he invites people who're talented too.'

But Lily wasn't listening properly, she was staring at Severus looking puzzled. 'Why are you talking like that?'

'Like what?' he asked, feeling colour rise in his cheeks.

'All posh. _'High clahrrrrs'_' she mimicked, then realisation dawned on her face. 'You're trying to sound like him, aren't you?'

'Like who?' asked Severus, now decidedly uncomfortable.

'Lucius Malfoy! You're trying to talk like him. Do you think they'll let you into Slug Club if you go round sounding like you're 'old family'?'

'Can't hurt,' muttered Severus, not meeting her eye.

'Honestly Sev, there's nothing wrong with your accent! _I _have an accent. Are you going to decide you're too grand for me next? Because I'm not changing how I speak for anyone, and certainly not stupid old Professor Slughorn.'

'Shhh!' he hushed her hastily. 'Pince will hear you. You don't need to change, do you? You're just right. All I want is to fit in with the others in my house, it's not a crime.'

She grinned at him. 'You sound proper Yorkshire again when you're cross.' Seeing his face, she added in a kinder voice, 'Oh Sev, I don't want to see you changing who you are just to please them. If you have can't be yourself with them, they're not real friends. I like you just the way you are.'

Lost for words and unable to believe his luck, he simply smiled back at her. Sometimes his feelings for her were so huge, so painfully intense, that they threatened to overwhelm him completely. But he had a feeling that Lily would like him a whole lot more if he could just rise up in the Hogwarts pecking order a bit. No matter what Lily said, he would change anything about himself if meant he could get into Slug Club.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – A Fall Into Grace

The last Quidditch match of the year was against Gryffindor. The Slytherin team trained harder than ever, and in all weathers. Given the animosity between the two houses, the game was bound to be a bitter battle, both on pitch and off. Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws began to take sides – mostly with Gryffindor – and even those Slytherins who usually turned their nose up at Quidditch began discussing earnestly what tactics Lucius should employ.

Lucius himself was irritable and tense, snapping at everyone. Severus kept his head down as he scurried to do the older boy's bidding. Narcissa, worried about how late her boyfriend was working in order to keep on top of his homework, made the mistake of suggesting that perhaps he should ease off on the Quidditch practices a bit. The resulting row ended up with Narcissa telling Lucius he could forget being her boyfriend, not that she'd notice the difference for all she saw of him, and Lucius accusing Narcissa of lacking proper Slytherin pride. He was in an even worse mood after that, and Roddy ended up with antlers after he tried to lecture Lucius on attacking formations.

The day of the game was the worst possible weather – high winds and heavy rain. At breakfast, Lucius sat poking at his porridge, casting the odd furtive glance to where Narcissa sat with her friends further down the table, pointedly looking in the opposite direction. Severus was trying to waterproof Lucius' cloak, a tricky spell to apply across an entire garment. Macnair and Blackwell, not boys to be greatly bothered by such mercurial emotions as anxiety, were eating steadily through a large pile of bacon and eggs.

Roddy, still with vestigial bumps on his head from the antler spell, sat down opposite. 'Malfoy,' he said coldly.

'Lestrange,' replied Lucius, glancing again towards Narcissa, who happened to catch his eye. She immediately went pink, and turned her attention to Rodolphus, wiggling her fingers in a silly wave quite unlike her and giving a smile that even Severus recognised as flirty. Lucius looked away furiously, his eyes falling on Severus. He snatched the cloak. 'Oh for goodness sake Severus, do I have to do everything myself?' he snapped, getting to his feet. 'Come along, we haven't got all day to sit around eating, some of us are trying to maintain the pride of Slytherin!'

In the dressing room the atmosphere was even more tense. No one liked playing in bad weather, and the fact that the team were barely speaking didn't help. Severus followed Lucius, fetching and polishing, afraid to speak. When they emerged onto the pitch, they could barely see the tops of the stands. The warm red and gold of Gryffindor stood out a lot better than the Slytherin colours, making it look as though they had no support. Severus tucked himself in as best he could near the changing room doors, holding a flask and a spare cloak. Once the players were airborne they were swallowed by the gloom.

It was a miserable, low scoring game, which dragged on and on. The crowds grew more and more subdued as it got later, and the rain and cold permeated everything. Hooch called a pause, and Lucius landed briefly to have a drink and swap cloaks. He was so wet that his hair looked like translucent seaweed and his robes were almost black. 'We're ten points up, if only bloody Lestrange would grab the Snitch, we could all get out of here,' he muttered. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked exhausted.

'Won't they stop it soon?' asked Severus, helping his friend into the 'dry' cloak.

'Not until it's really dark. We're starting again.' He kicked off and soared away, into the twilight.

Severus huddled back next to the edge of the pitch again, staring up into the mess of rain and hurtling bodies that was the game. He wished the match would end – his fingers and toes were going numb. He barely even cared who won, although the thought of the mood Lucius would be in if Slytherin lost was not a happy one.

Then he saw a streak of scarlet diving from the centre of the melee, and above the howl of the wind the commentator shouted, 'Williams of Gryffindor has seen the Snitch! He's making a daring dive – will he make it? Yes! Williams catches the Snitch, Gryffindor win the game!'

Severus searched out Lucius, eventually seeing him almost overhead, slumping on his broom, about seventy feet up. Another pair of green robed figures converged on him, and Lucius' head snapped up. Probably Roddy, telling Lucius he should have used Ogden's Forthright Pincer. The cheering around the stadium was deafening, fuelled by relief at the thought of getting inside to dinner. Red and gold sparks erupted from the north end of the stadium, where the main body of Gryffindor house were sitting. Bright and blinding, the sparks were blown on the howling gale

From his angle, Severus was able to see what happened next through the dazzling air. Lucius shot forwards suddenly, bashing into his team mate. The next instant, he was off his broom and falling in seeming slow motion through the air. Severus' shout of horror was drowned out by the crowd and the wind.

The figure struggled as it fell, clawing the air as though to climb back up, blond hair streaming back in the wind. Panic rising, Severus looked around frantically. There was no sign of the referee, and the sparks obliterated the stands. Desperately, Severus pointed his wand. He didn't know any spells that would help, so he simply made an inarticulate sound and kept his mind focussed on his intention – slowing Lucius down before his friend hit the ground. He pushed into it every bit of his determination, reaching out through his wand, through magic into the air around him. Everything went blurry and slow and then, exhausted, he fell forwards onto the grass.

He woke up what felt like seconds later, feeling the cold from the ground seeping up through his wet robes. His face was against the grass, his head spinning. Someone grabbed at his robes, turning him over, and there was Lucius, with a manic look on his face. He was deathly pale and so wet that even his eyelashes were clogged with water droplets, and his lip was bleeding, and for a second Severus thought he might be an inferius. But his breath was clouding the air.

'Severus!' Lucius gasped. 'Are you OK?'

'I think so,' he said. To his surprise Lucius pulled him into a brief, tight hug. 'Lucius, you fell! It was such a long way…'

'I'm all right, it's all right,' said Lucius, although his voice sounded rather squeaky and he clutched Severus' shoulder so hard it hurt.

They were interrupted by the arrival of Professor Slughorn. His moustache was limp and dripping, but he looked pleased and excited, despite the fact Slytherin had just lost. He was staring at Severus in a strange, hungry way. 'Goodness me, goodness me, boys! Are you both all right? Did you pass out, Severus?'

'I'm fine, but Lucius ought to see Madam Pomfrey – he fell a long way,' Severus explained. Despite the way his head was spinning, he noted that Slughorn had got his name right.

'Of course, of course,' said Slughorn, with barely a glance at his favourite student. 'Good grief, you gave us a fright. The air was full of those blasted sparks – couldn't see a thing – until Severus performed his piece of magic. Up you get, now.'

Severus struggled to his feet and offered a hand to Lucius, who also managed to stand, although he kept a hand on Severus' shoulder for balance.

There were thuds as the rest of the Quidditch team landed around them. Roddy, unusually pale, stepped forwards but was elbowed aside by a hooded figure, which flung itself at Lucius with a wail. 'Lucius! Thank Merlin you're all right! I'd die if anything happened to you!' Narcissa hugged her boyfriend so hard he staggered slightly and all of them almost fell.

'Horace!' Professor McGonagall had arrived, also looking rather shaken. 'For goodness sake, get these boys inside!' She took one look at Severus, who was swaying slightly, and Lucius, who was now being propped up by Roddy and Narcissa. 'You're in no fit state to walk, either of you! Stretchers, now!'

'We don't need stretchers,' protested Severus, filled with horror at the thought of Potter and his friends seeing him getting carried into the castle. After all, it wasn't like he'd fallen off a broomstick. 'We can walk.'

An hour and several mugs of cocoa later, things were rather calmer. Lucius had finally stopped shaking, and judging by the amount of hair-stroking and cuddling going on, he and Narcissa were back together. Madam Pomfrey had healed Lucius' cut lip and confirmed that he had no other injuries. The rest of the Quidditch team, some still steaming slightly from the effects of Pepper-Up Potion, were gathered round, and Lucius was telling his story yet again.

'I just slipped straight off my broom, quick as that. Everything was really wet and my fingers were numb, it's a miracle that Roddy didn't fall too. I hardly realised what had happened until I was halfway down. Then I saw the ground and realised no one was stopping me…'

'We couldn't see a thing,' interceded Slughorn, as he kept telling everyone who'd listen. 'Those damn sparks, and the weather…'

'I was so close to the ground and I couldn't breathe. I was trying to relax and fall properly, but I didn't feel very relaxed! Then Severus appeared and cast a spell, and the air went thick and stretchy, and I slowed down. When I was a couple of feet off the ground, he passed out, and I fell the rest of the way.'

'A remarkable bit of magic from Mr Snape!' exclaimed Slughorn, gazing raptly at Severus, who sat quiet and watchful in his bed. 'We're all dying to know how you did it, boy!'

Severus gulped as everyone turned to look at him. Apart from Lily and Lucius, no one knew about his ability to perform magic without using specific spells. Nobody else seemed to do it, and he had a feeling it might be disapproved of. 'I didn't do much. I had to save Lucius, so I just cast a spell to stop him falling. That was all.'

'What spell did you use?' asked Slughorn, leaning forwards, his moustache quivering.

'One I found in a book.' He brazened it out, holding the teacher's gaze with his own inscrutable black eyes. Seeing Slughorn was about to ask more, he quickly added, 'I don't feel very well, could someone get Madam Pomfrey?'

As everyone hurried to fuss around him, Slughorn was forced to back off. Madam Pomfrey cleared everyone out, insisting that Severus ought to rest. 'A first year, stopping a falling body from that height! He's drained completely of power! The boy needs sleep. And Mr Malfoy had better stay too, just as a precaution.'

Finally everyone was gone, and it was just Lucius and Severus, lying in neighbouring beds and sternly instructed to sleep. Madam Pomfrey had turned the lamps right down and disappeared into her office. In the quiet and darkness, Severus realised how terrible he felt. The adrenaline of the past hours had gone, and was replaced by a cold dread. 'Lucius?' he asked softly.

'Yes?' He heard a rustle as Lucius turned over to face him.

'What Pomfrey said… I'm not going to lose my power am I?' The last words came out in a rush.

To his relief, Lucius laughed. 'Of course you're not. You don't get a finite amount of magic that can be used up! You've just worn yourself out. It's like… running a race. Afterwards you'll be very tired and can't run again until you've had a rest. But you _will _run again. Don't worry.'

Severus felt giddy with relief. 'Thank goodness! I think I'd rather die than lose my magic.'

'You have no idea, do you?' asked Lucius quietly. 'You really don't understand. What you did was… extraordinary.'

'Why? I've seen the teachers stop people fall before.'

'But they're teachers! They're fully trained, grown up wizards. You're a first year. And you don't even think anything of it. That's what made me notice you, that time you tried to run away. You do spells without even knowing them, and they work.' Lucius' face was just visible in the low light, his pale skin seeming to glow.

'Slughorn's suspicious now,' said Severus softly.

'Slughorn has just realised what I worked out long ago – you're remarkable, Severus.' He hesitated. 'You saved my life today. I'll never forget that.'

They were quiet for a moment, embarrassed, then Severus said, 'What if Slughorn keeps asking questions? It's not normal to do magic like I do.'

'Tell him the truth. You've got a talent for inventing things, I suppose. It's a strength, not a fault. Sluggy likes people who are different, who can do things others can't. Listen, he might be a strange old coot, but he's a very useful man to know, especially for someone like yourself, without family connections. Slughorn can open doors to get you any career you want. And he can stand in the way of those he dislikes just as easily. He's interested in you now. Take advantage of it.'

'You mean… the Slug Club?' He whispered the hallowed words.

'Yes, the Slug Club. Play your cards right, Severus, and I'd be very surprised if you didn't get an invite. Just play to his vanity. Let him think that he's inspired you and taught you everything you know. You might be a little oddball, Severus, but you're talented, and Slughorn won't be able to resist that. Trust me.'

'Will you stay still!'

Severus' scowl deepened even further. He was standing on a chair in the common room with his arms held out, trying to ignore the sniggers and glances of his housemates. The sleeves of Lucius' old dress robes hung limply over his hands. Narcissa tutted and frowned, before tapping the sleeve again. A band of material fell away, and she muttered another spell which made the ragged end start stitching into a hem.

She stepped back to review him critically, glaring at him with almost as much dislike as he was at her. 'He looks like a goblin refugee,' she said. 'He's so scrawny…'

'I'm not scrawny!' Severus protested, crossly shaking out the flapping sleeves and jumping down from the chair before anyone decided the robes needed further adjustment.

Lucius seemed to be highly amused by the whole thing. He'd been in a good mood ever since the end of year exams had finished. 'You look very grown up,' he assured Severus, smirking. 'Good job with the sleeves Cissy – I'd never have had you down as a seamstress.'

She sniffed. 'If you expect me to start darning your socks for you can think again. Now shall we get going? We're late already.'

'It's fashionable to be late,' said Lucius, taking Narcissa's arm and ushering her out, followed closely by Severus, whose overlarge robes made a whomping noise as he moved. All the same, he rather liked his new clothes. He felt as though some of Lucius' glamour might have rubbed off on them.

Slughorn's rooms had been transformed for the occasion, hung with silken purple and gold fabric. Fairies fluttered amongst tiny floating silver lights. Some sort of lively music was playing, and house-elves wove their way amongst the guests with huge silver trays of food. The room was full of people – some students, but mostly adults, and all of them dressed in wizard attire. Severus felt a frisson of fear and excitement and giddy joy as he entered.

Narcissa stopped to speak to a witch in lime green robes, and the boys went another step before they were greeted by a young woman with dark hair and heavy lidded eyes. She was wearing a black dress, despite it being summer, and a stylish pointed hat with a silver motif. 'Well, well, Lucius. Nice of you to join us,' she said, in the posh voice that Severus recognised as 'old family'.

'Bella, what a pleasant surprise.' Lucius spoke lightly, but his words sounded ironic and insincere, as was the smile he flashed her. 'What brings you back to Hogwarts?'

She shrugged. 'Poor old Sluggy practically _begged _me to come.' She looked around the room. 'I'd forgotten how _small _Hogwarts is.'

'Either that or you have grown bigger,' suggested Lucius, causing Severus to snigger. The woman's gaze locked onto him and gave him an appraising stare.

'No need to ask who this is – Roddy told me you'd found some silly first year to act as your lackey.' She looked him up and down. 'Does it do tricks?'

Lucius smiled again, his eyes remaining hard and cold. 'Severus knows when he's on to a good thing. Sluggy has him down as a man to watch. Severus has a reputation for knowing more curses than half the school.'

'And do you?' asked the woman named Bella.

Severus shrugged. 'People confuse 'knowing' with 'being prepared to use'.'

She smiled, a rather unpleasant expression on her. 'It _does _do tricks. Well, one thing I can say for you Lucius, you usually have good taste in possessions.'

At that moment Narcissa joined them, and rushed to hug Bella. 'Bella! I didn't know you were coming!' The two leaned in and made kissing motions in the air next to the other's cheek. Severus noticed Rodolphus had also sidled over, and was standing next to Lucius.

The two girls broke apart. 'Lew, have you done introductions? Honestly! Bella, this is Severus Snape, a friend of Lucius'. Severus, this is my older sister, Bellatrix Black.'

He held out his hand to shake hers, but Bellatrix just laughed at it. Roddy put a proprietorial arm around her and said, 'My future wife!' He gave Bella a very soppy look. She ignored him and held out her hand to reveal a huge diamond ring.

Narcissa squealed and nearly dropped her glass. 'Why didn't you tell me? When did Roddy propose?'

Whilst Narcissa exclaimed over the ring, and Roddy hulked in the background looking uncomfortable, Severus took the opportunity to quietly ask Lucius, 'Aren't Roddy and Bellatrix really young to get married?'

Malfoy replied equally quietly, without taking his eyes off the others or moving the fixed smile from his face. 'If Bellatrix told Roddy to wrestle a manticore, he would. Roddy wasn't in the front row when brains were given out.' He caught Severus' eye and gave a sudden grin that was almost mischievous. 'Let me show you round.'

They circulated in the room, Lucius pointing out the great and good of wizarding society. 'That guy over there is Horatio Blowhorn – made his fortune in newt parts, owns the Montrose Magpies. New money,' he added dismissively. 'And that's Barnabus Cuffe, he writes for the _Prophet _– you'll have read his stuff. And see that plain chubby woman over there? That's Miranda Goshawk, author of the _Standard Book of Spells_ series. She's stinking rich now of course.'

Severus gaped around, drinking in everything Lucius said. 'And they're here, with us?' he asked at one point. 'I mean, we can talk to them?'

'Of course, it would be a very dull party if no one talked to each other! This is Slug Club, Severus. These parties where he has ex-Sluggers along are a great way to meet people. When one is still at school, one gets to meet people who will be useful in later life. When one has left, one comes back to show off how well one's done, and Sluggy can have a little gloat about it too.'

'What if you haven't done well?' asked Severus, watching a very beautiful witch arriving on the arm of what appeared to be a vampire.

'Ex-Sluggers nearly always do well – he makes sure of it. For the ones who don't amount to anything… well, I imagine old Sluggy just stops inviting them.' Lucius shrugged.

'Severus! Lucius!' Slughorn was bearing down on them, dressed in the same purple as the decor and with his moustache waxed into points. He was holding a half-empty glass and judging by the redness of his face and loudness of his voice, he'd had plenty more. 'There you are! Fashionably late as always! I know you, Lucius, probably spent an hour in front of the mirror!' He nudged Lucius, completely missing the look on the boy's face. It was true, though; Lucius was always immaculately turned out and in Severus' opinion spent far longer fussing with his hair than was necessary. Severus himself seldom looked in the mirror, let alone styled his hair.

'So, what do you think of your first Slug Club get-together, eh Severus? Impressed, I expect! A veritable who's who of the country, I think you'll find. Representatives here from every walk of life – that is to say, every _desirable _walk of life. Name your interest, someone here will be an expert!' Slughorn paused to slosh back some more wine. 'Now, who shall I introduce you to? Ah, I know just the man!'

Severus found himself propelled through the crowd towards a dark haired wizard with a neatly trimmed goatee beard and moustache. It looked as though he spent as long at the mirror as Lucius did. 'Ernest! Good of you to come, old chap!' boomed Slughorn. 'And how's your lovely wife? Not able to make it today?'

'Working aboard at present,' replied Ernest, looking at Severus with some interest.

'Ah, what a shame! Do remember me to her, and thank her for that splendid claret she sent me. Hit just the right spot! Now, let me introduce you to young Severus here. He's a natural innovator! Severus, Ernest Micklethwaite is an expert on theoretical magic and a first class spellmaster. He can tell you all you need to know about innovation!'

Not sure what a spellmaster was, Severus stared up at Ernest, who returned his gaze levelly. He had dark, twinkly eyes and a clever sort of look about him. 'A natural innovator, hmmm? That's unusual. So, you like inventing spells?'

'I suppose so,' said Severus, feeling out of his depth and wishing Lucius would materialise to take over the conversation.

'Or perhaps you don't do it consciously?'

'I just… do what I want. If I want to do something, and I don't know the spell, I try anyway.' He shrugged his shoulders. 'I don't understand why everyone doesn't.'

Ernest smiled. 'Lack of ambition. The truth is, it's hard work to perform controlled magic without the use of specific spells. Inventing spells is a very particular skill, and one that few wizards bother with. Usually it's the preserve of those with a natural flair – very often from the fine house of Slytherin.' His smile broadened. 'It goes with the typical character - resourceful, ambitious, unwilling to accept the boundaries and laws that others comply with.'

'It doesn't always work,' admitted Severus. 'And when it does, I often can't do it again. How do I invent spells that work forever – like in a book?'

'That is a very good question. There's a big difference between doing a piece of intentional but innovative magic, and inventing a specific spell. Intentional magic without spells is one thing – some people are better at it than others. But as you've found, replicating the effect is even harder. For a new spell to have been truly invented, it must be replicable by others, with a consistent and reliable method. At the extreme end of magic – the very difficult stuff – spell creation is harder to define, as maybe only the inventor has the skill to perform it.'

He glanced around the room before continuing. 'Take for example, the Dark Lord. The greatest living wizard, without a doubt. The magic he performs is extraordinary. Magic that has never been seen before in this world. But few, if any, could replicate his success. He is innovative, but he does not create 'spells' as such.' He gave a little cough, as though embarrassed to have said this.

'The leader of the Death Eaters? Do you know him?' asked Severus, eyes wide.

Ernest looked alarmed. 'Of course not, just hearsay,' he said, rather too quickly.

Severus stored away this for further reference. 'So if I wanted to create a spell - a proper spell that has a word and other people can learn, and works every time you try it – how would I do that?'

'You need to work hard.' He scrutinised Severus' face again. 'Yes, I can see you have focus. You will already have learned about intent in your classes. As you grow and develop your powers, so you learn how to adapt your basic set of spells to enable you to perform a wide variety of magic. So _Wingardium leviosa _will allow you to not just lift an object off the ground, but move it laterally in the air, make it hover, or drop.'

'I can do that already,' said Severus, smugly.

'Adapting existing spells is commonplace. Wizards do it all the time, some more successfully than others. Creating new spells is a different matter. Few even think to try, as most effects can be achieved by using the basic spellset, or combinations thereof, coupled with intent. Inventing separate spells for certain things is useful though, for several reasons.'

He began to count them off on his fingers. 'Firstly, a specific spell is almost always faster. Therefore are good in emergency situations, such as a duel. Hence why there are so many different curses and jinxes out there. Secondly, specific spells are often stronger because they are more direct. Thirdly, you can link the spell to a specific counter-spell. That means that it is harder to break the spell.'

Severus nodded eagerly to show he was still listening, and Ernest Mickelthwaite continued. 'So to invent a spell, first you need to practice it until you can do it consistently. You then need to find a suitable magic word and wand movement, and work until they are attached inextricably to your spell. There's lots of trial and error involved. It takes a long time. Then you can give it to others to use, and they should be able to replicate it.'

'And if I do all that, and it works – I mean, other people can do it and get the same effect – then I'll be a spellmaster?' asked Severus breathlessly.

Now the older man did laugh. 'No, not quite! 'Spellmaster' is an official title, earned by those who gain a reputation for having invented a number of spells. Still, everyone has to start somewhere.'

Severus felt a hand on his shoulder and looked round to see Lucius, who smiled at Mickelthwaite. 'Hello, Professor. How are you?'

'I'm very well thank you… Malfoy, isn't it?' Seeing the surprise on Severus' face he explained, 'I did a stint as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher last year. Just for a year – I made it clear I was going to leave of my own free will before any curse got me. And believe me, a year was more than enough.'

'You're not coming back then, sir?' asked Malfoy, with what appeared to be genuine regret.

'Not for all the gold in your father's vault,' said Mickelthwaite shortly.

Malfoy and Mickelthwaite began chatting about people they knew. Severus looked around surreptitiously. The room was so full of people it was hard to see, especially as Severus was a foot shorter than most of them. He could hear Slughorn's booming laugh even over the hubbub. Then he heard two quieter voices nearby, and saw Narcissa and her sister in a corner of the room behind them. '…more exciting than you can imagine,' Bellatrix was saying, staring intensely at her sister.

Narcissa's face was hard to read and her voice softer. Severus wished there was a spell to make it easier to eavesdrop. Maybe he could invent one. As it was, he only caught snatches of Narcissa's reply. '… not approved of… talk of a ban… leave it to others… hardly befitting a Black.'

Bellatrix was easier to hear, as her voice had a wild, excited edge. 'Befitting a Black? What does befit a Black? Cowering away from Muggles? No, Cissy. Wizards are going to reclaim this country, and when that happens, the Blacks are going to be right at the forefront. Or this one is anyway. You can carry on simpering away looking like butter wouldn't melt but I am going to fight!' She threw her hair back over her shoulder and strode away, nose in the air.

When they got back to the common room, Severus was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open. Lucius was in a good mood but Narcissa was quiet and withdrawn. When Lucius pulled her hopefully towards his dormitory, she said, 'Not tonight,' and kissed him demurely before going off the girls' dormitories alone.

A scowl spoiling his handsome features, Lucius turned to Severus. 'What's the matter with her?' he asked.

Severus barely heard the question. He was in the middle of a daydream about being the greatest spellmaster ever. As they headed for their dorms, he said, 'When I grow up, I'm going to be famous. I'm going to invent spells and do new magic that no one's ever seen before. I'll amaze everyone.'

'Will you indeed?' said Lucius, amused despite himself.

'Yeah, and I shan't tell anyone else my spells, so they'll just be mine.' He paused. 'Or maybe I'll tell you, Lucius,' he added thoughtfully.

'I suppose I should be honoured. Now go on, get to bed. You're not famous yet, and tomorrow morning you've got my trunk to pack and my boots will need cleaning. Good night.'


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – A Tragic Accident

When Severus and Lily returned to school for their second year, Lucius Malfoy had been made Head Boy and was more busy and important than ever. Severus accompanied him to prefects' meetings to take the notes, and between lessons could usually be found jogging along in the older boy's wake, laden down with books. Slughorn always got Severus' name right now, and invited him to all the Slug Club parties. For the first time Severus felt truly happy at Hogwarts. Even his ongoing rivalry with Potter was little more than a mild annoyance.

Despite his additional responsibilities and impending NEWTs, Lucius insisted on practicing Quidditch at every opportunity. He still hadn't recovered from the indignity of losing the cup to Ravenclaw the previous year. Severus, whose interest in Quidditch only extended as far as Lucius' part in it, trailed along to practises and spent the time buried in a large book. Occasionally Lucius would press him into service, throwing or retrieving balls.

He was engaged in just such an activity one October Saturday, trying to pelt Quaffles at the team for them to dodge. His throws were feeble and badly aimed, which was causing a mixture of hilarity and irritation in the team. He was just determining that he'd have to work out a way to do it by magic, when his least favourite voice spoke behind him, putting him off balance and causing him to throw the Quaffle in completely the wrong direction.

'Auditioning to be a Chaser, are you, Snivelly? Oh I do hope they put you on the team, it'll make our life so much easier.' Severus turned to see Potter, dressed in Gryffindor Quidditch robes. Seeing Severus' gaze, Potter's smile widened. 'Yeah, I'm on the Gryffindor team now, youngest Chaser in five years. Hardly any second years make it onto teams. You see, unlike you, Snivellus, I can actually throw in a straight line.'

By this time the rest of the team had come out as well, and Severus spotted the other second year Gryffindor boys in the stands; Black lounging nonchalantly, Lupin reading a book, and Pettigrew eagerly watching events unfold. The Gryffindor captain, Jackson, yelled up to the Slytherins, who were still flitting around in the sky overhead. 'Hey, Malfoy! I say, Malfoy! Time to finish up, old boy, it's our turn on the pitch now.'

Lucius took his time in coming down, flying so deliberately slowly it was lucky his broom didn't stall. When he reached the ground, he casually swung his legs across the broomstick and stepped off before it had come to a halt, catching the end smoothly in one hand. It looked incredibly cool. 'I didn't see you there, Jackson,' he said in his poshest, laziest voice. 'Your team are so small and puny you barely show up.' He noticed Potter and his lip curled delicately into a scornful smile. 'Why, is this your new Chaser? Is he really the best the house of Gryffindor could offer?'

Jackson, who looked rather scared of Lucius, made an obvious effort to stand up to him. 'You won't be laughing when you see him fly, Malfoy. Now be a sport and leave us to get on, would you?'

Malfoy laughed and motioned casually to the rest of the team to return to the changing rooms, saying to Jackson, 'I won't keep you any longer. You need all the practice you can get, that's for sure.' He snapped his fingers at Severus, who hurried after him.

Back in the changing room, Severus busied himself laying out Lucius' clothes. 'Well, I think we can safely dismiss any threat from Gryffindor,' Lucius was saying, his strident voice carrying from within the shower cubicle. 'Jackson will be hopeless as a captain, and their new Chaser is still wet behind the ears. Ravenclaw will be the team to beat, and their main threat is from the Beaters. Which is why we need to improve our evasive flying.'

'Yeah, so you keep telling us. Or maybe our Beaters could try improving their accuracy,' snorted Roberts, causing two indignant shouts from Blackwell and Macnair.

The shower stopped and Lucius stepped out into the towel Severus was holding ready. 'You _all _need to raise your game if we're going to win, which is why I've booked the pitch on Tuesday evenings for extra practice,' he said smoothly, towelling his long blond tresses.

This was greeted by general groans from the team. Severus began gathering up the muddy robes that were discarded around the room. 'What are you doing, Bernards?' said Lucius suddenly.

'Look at these weird things! One of those Gryffindunces must've left them behind.' Everyone turned to see their new Seeker holding up a pair of blue jeans, with a look of wonder on his face. 'They seem to be made out of sacking.'

'Muggle leg coverings,' said Lucius dismissively.

'Trussers,' said Bernards, earning him a sharp glance from Lucius and several of the others. 'I mean… that's what I heard they're called… hey look, they've got weird little metal knobbly bits on!'

'What are you talking about?' asked Lucius, going over to have a closer look. Severus watched out of the corner of his eye.

'These; look, see.' Bernards pointed to the zip. The Slytherin Quidditch team gathered round, fascinated. Lucius snatched the jeans away and examined them himself.

'It's some sort of primitive fastening,' he reported, zipping and unzipping thoughtfully. 'Just what one wants, a sharp metal crunching device inches away from one's manhood. It's a wonder Muggles manage to procreate at all.' Suddenly he began to flounce up and down the changing room, wearing only his pants, holding the jeans at arm's length. 'Look at me, I'm a Muggle. I like wearing leg coverings that show the shape of my legs. I think it's great that every Professor can admire the curve of my bum.'

The Slytherins fell about laughing. Lucius continued, 'Why, I don't know why they don't just walk around _naked. _They might as well for all that these things leave to the imagination. Oh, but then they wouldn't be able to feel the lovely rough material chafing their skin, and what a shame that would be!' He threw the jeans down onto the bench and his smile vanished. 'Where's my wand, Severus?' he asked, in a harder voice.

Severus scrambled to retrieve it, and handed it over. Lucius stood regarding the jeans thoughtfully, then applied the tip of his wand to the zip. He muttered a complex incantation, then stepped back to review his work. 'That's better, definitely an improvement.' He reached down and skimmed his hand over the zip, pulling it hastily back. The zip became a mouth, with two rows of metal teeth, that snapped and snarled at his touch.

'Ha! Nice one, Malfoy, that stupid Gryffindunce mudblood's going to get a nasty surprise!' crowed Hunstable. The team began to return to dressing.

'Wait,' said Severus suddenly, stepping forwards. 'Lucius, you should put a time delay on that charm. At least thirty seconds.'

Lucius considered it, then nodded. 'You're right Severus. Good thinking.' He reapplied the charm, and then hurried off to wash his hands in case of 'Muggle germs'.

As they got ready to leave the dressing room, Wilkes said suddenly, 'Malfoy, d'you think we'll be in trouble?'

'Trouble? Whatever for?' Lucius was brushing his hair and scowled at the interruption.

'Bewitching a Muggle artefact. I mean… it's illegal, isn't it?' Wilkes looked like he might lose his nerve and run at any moment.

Lucius, however, just shrugged. 'If the Gryffindunce didn't want his artefact bewitched he shouldn't have brought a piece of Muggle crap into a school of magic, should he? If you're a wizard, then act like a wizard, damn it. Or piss off back to Muggledom if you love it so much, then you can wear leg coverings every day and be stupid and live a life no better than a cow's. Besides, I'd like to see him go to crying to McGonagall about this, _Professor, my willy's got bitten by a Muggle button thing!_ No, they'll never tell.'

'I wonder if they're Potter's,' suggested Severus, on the way back to the common room, laden down with kit. 'I'd give a lot of money to be there when he puts them on.'

'Potter is a pureblood,' said Lucius, sounding vaguely horrified. 'He would have no need for leg coverings.'

'He's a Muggle loving blood traitor,' Severus reminded his friend. 'He probably thinks he's something special, wearing Muggle clothes, getting all touchy feely with the Muggles. I bet he and Black dress up in them all the time…'

'Don't let Cissy hear you say that!' Lucius interrupted, rounding angrily on the younger boy. 'Black's her cousin, even if he is a Gryffindor and has questionable taste in friends. His blood is pure, you don't get much purer.' He gave Severus a hard look which Snape understood to mean he – half-blood that he was – had no right casting aspersions on his pureblooded brethren. Ashamed and angry he turned away, pretending to be busy preventing a set of robes escaping the pile.

As Lucius predicted, no one reported the incident with the bewitched jeans. Severus did watch Potter at dinner hopefully, but he saw no evidence of injury. Over the next few weeks though, it became obvious that Potter was a very good Quidditch player. Gryffindor's first game was against Hufflepuff, and to Severus' dismay Potter scored five goals and was treated as something of a hero by his housemates.

But all worries about Quidditch were forced out of their minds one day in November. The Slytherins were at dinner when a small Ravenclaw approached them anxiously and tapped Lucius on the shoulder. 'Mr Malfoy – er, Lucius?' he asked in a tremulous voice.

'Yes?' asked Lucius, rather haughtily. Everyone stopped eating and turned to look at the boy, who squirmed on the spot.

The words all came out in a rush. 'Professor Dumbledore asked for you to go to his office immediately.'

'Did he?' Lucius shrugged. 'Must be some urgent Head Boy business. Make up a platter for me to take in the Common Room, Severus, for when I get back.' He rose to his feet.

The small boy was still standing there, gazing awestruck at Lucius. 'Um… he said to bring a friend.'

Lucius paused, temporarily wrong footed. 'A _friend?' _he repeated. He looked across at the others. 'Well… all right Macnair, I won't deprive you of your apple crumble. Severus, come along.'

Puffing up with pride at being chosen, Severus dropped his knife and fork and scurried after Lucius, feeling the curious eyes of their classmates on his back. He followed Lucius with breathless excitement to the wall that blocked the entrance to the Headmaster's office. Severus had walked past many times, but had never had the opportunity to go within. The chance to see inside the office, maybe even to speak with Dumbledore himself, was more than he'd dared hope. Lucius addressed the gargoyle, 'Lucius Malfoy, the Headmaster wishes to speak with me.'

'Go ahead,' said the gargoyle scratchily, moving aside with a scrape of stone against stone.

They stepped onto a spiral staircase which carried them smoothly upwards until they reached a door with a griffon-shaped brass knocker, which Lucius rapped before the door opened to reveal the most incredible room Severus had ever seen. He followed Lucius inside, almost tripping over his own feet as he stared around. A huge, circular room, full of so many weird and wonderful things he couldn't take it in. He felt like he had the first time he'd visited Diagon Alley, his senses overloaded.

Professor Dumbledore was seated behind his desk, and looked up as they entered. Severus felt his chest tighten. He had never been so close to the Headmaster before. Dumbledore looked at them over his glasses. He looked very serious. 'Ah, Lucius, thank you for coming. Do take a seat. And I see you've brought a friend. This must be Severus.'

Astounded that Dumbledore knew his name, Severus could only gape, rooted to the spot. Lucius had to propel him forward and into a seat with a little push, smiling apologetically at Dumbledore. 'He's a little shy,' he said. 'What did you want to see me about, Headmaster?'

Dumbledore had lain down his quill and was giving them his full attention. 'Lucius, I am afraid to say I have some very sad news to impart.' He paused, and Lucius frowned. A knot of dread started in Severus' stomach. 'I have had word from your father. I am afraid that there has been a terrible accident. Your mother was involved in a collision with a Muggle car, and I'm afraid she is dead.'

The words hit Severus like physical blow, and he couldn't breathe for a moment. He stared, not at Dumbledore, but at Lucius. Malfoy's chiselled features had frozen into a blank mask. 'What is a car?' he asked eventually, in a small quiet voice quite unlike his own.

'A Muggle transport device, like a carriage without horses,' said Dumbledore gently. 'They travel at great speed. I understand she apparated right into the path of one. Some Muggles took her to a hospital and they tried to help her, but they could not. I am so very sorry.'

Lucius sat very still, not moving a single muscle. His eyes seemed unfocussed. Severus' heart was racing. He didn't know what to do, how to help. A sudden wave of nausea passed over him, and he thought for a moment he was going to throw up. He forced himself not to; he couldn't do anything that stopped this moment being about Lucius.

Dumbledore didn't speak for a minute or so, then continued softly. 'Of course, you will want to return home tonight. You can use the floo network from here, your father is waiting for you. You must take as long as you need.' He looked at Severus. 'Perhaps you could go and fetch Lucius some essential belongings, for his time at home.'

Severus didn't want to leave the office, to leave Lucius, but he obeyed. He ran back to Slytherin and packed a bag for Lucius, and returned. On the way he had to dodge past the rest of Lucius' gang, returning from dinner. They shouted after him, but he didn't want to stop and explain. He didn't want to tell them, to repeat the words and somehow make it true.

When he reached the gargoyle he simply said, 'Move.' The staircase spun him back up to Dumbledore's room. After the frantic few minutes in the castle, it felt strange to enter that sanctified space again, like stepping into a dream. Lucius was still seated at the desk, his head now bowed. Dumbledore was watching him, but looked up when Severus re-entered the room.

Lucius took the bag from him with a hand that trembled. He managed a weak smile at Severus, as he stood. He looked so lost, and so young. Lucius always seemed impossibly poised, controlled. Severus remembered how stunned he'd been that Malfoy was still a schoolboy, and even since he'd known him better, he'd never really thought of Malfoy as being a child still. But he looked it now as he walked over to the fireplace, holding the bag loosely, as though he might forgetfully drop it at any moment.

On the hearth he turned back. 'Look after Narcissa for me whilst I'm gone, Severus,' he said solemnly. Then he stepped into the fire, saying, 'Malfoy Manor!' And with a whirl of green flames, he was gone.

The following day passed in a haze. The news spread quickly around the school. Lucius was known to almost everyone, and there was a sense of disbelief that someone who led a seemingly charmed life could suddenly be dealt such a cruel blow by fate. For Lucius' friends, it was hard to focus on anything. Severus struggled through his lessons without hearing a word.

Before dinner he was accosted by Narcissa in the dungeon corridor. She was hurrying towards him, dressed in a travelling cloak. He immediately suspected she was going to Lucius, and felt a stab of red hot jealousy. He and Narcissa did not see eye to eye, and she clearly hadn't forgiven him for being present when Lucius received the bad news. Her first reaction had been to say 'You let him go?' as though Severus had somehow had a choice.

He expected her to sweep straight past him, but instead she caught him by the collar and virtually pinned him to the wall. 'Severus,' she said in a low voice, eyes darting a look around. 'Go and pack an overnight bag, quickly and _discreetly. _Then meet me outside Sluggy's office. We're going to see Lucius.'

His heart skipped with excitement. 'Both of us?'

She scowled at him. 'Well, obviously Lucius wants me with him at this difficult time. But for some reason he has also asked for you. He was most insistent.' She sniffed. 'I did point out that he _has _a house elf. But I'm hardly going to deny him anything at the moment. So get a move on, whilst I sort things out with Sluggy.' She released him and made a shooing movement. 'Go. Quickly.'

'But will they let me out of school?' he asked, hesitating.

'Leave that to me. Of course, it makes things complicated, but Lucius has asked me to get you to him, so get you to him I will. Now _go._' She turned on her heel and strode away.

Narcissa wasn't there when he arrived outside Slughorn's room only a few minutes later. He had a nasty feeling she might have gone without him. He waited, unable to stand still, until Slughorn emerged. The teacher looked decidedly uncomfortable at the sight of Severus, and looked away as he hurried past. Narcissa appeared in the doorway and motioned him inside. 'Hurry up,' she snapped.

'What happened? Am I allowed to go?' he asked, as she pulled him into the office.

'He's turning a blind eye and I'm personally responsible for you. So you'd better not do anything to screw things up, understand me? I'm doing this for Lew, and that's the only reason. And you mind what you say to Lucius – don't you go upsetting him.'

'What sort of an idiot do you think I am?' he asked resentfully.

'I'm not going to answer that,' she said curtly, handing him a cloth bag from beside the fireplace. 'The address is Malfoy Manor.'

He hesitated, looking at the greenish powder in the bag, wishing he didn't have to ask. Noticing this, Narcissa gave an unnecessarily exasperated sigh. 'Just throw a handful of powder in the fire, step in and say the name of where you want to go, then stay still. You should just fall out on the right grate. Think you can manage that?'

'Yes, of course I can,' he snapped back, determining to get it right.

In the event, it turned out to be easier than he thought, and after a sickening blur of green flames and glimpsed hearths, he found himself rolling out of a fireplace into a large, stone flagged room. Coughing, he scrambled up, looking around. The room was very grand, with large chandeliers full of fat white candles, and high beamed ceilings. Lucius and Narcissa were standing in the middle, embracing tightly. Severus scowled and brushed the soot of his clothes.

Lucius finally let go of Narcissa. He looked paler than usual, and drawn. His eyes found Severus, and a ghost of a smile touched his lips. 'Severus, I'm glad you could come,' he said.

'I had a nightmare convincing Sluggy to let him leave,' interrupted Narcissa. 'Bribery and blackmail. I've taken personal responsibility for the brat, so he'd better behave himself.'

'Thank you, Cissy.' Lucius squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek. 'I knew I could rely on you. Come, both of you, sit down.'

They settled in ornately carved armchairs around the fire, Narcissa perching on the arm of Lucius'. Severus felt a bit anxious sitting in one, aware of his sooty robes and general unworthiness. Lucius rested his head against Narcissa's side for a moment, before continuing. 'My father and I are having a little trouble. With the Muggles. They have taken…' his breath caught and he shut his eyes for a moment before he carried on, '…taken my mother's body and are keeping it from us. My father and I… we do not know how to get these Muggle beasts to relinquish it.'

'Can't you just blast the scum apart?' asked Narcissa, trembling with anger.

'That is very tempting Cissy, believe me. But the Ministry takes a rather dim view of such things.' Lucius sighed. 'I need someone who understands Muggles, who can talk to them. Father and I… we don't even know what to wear.'

'Can't the Ministry help? Don't they have people who are paid to do this sort of thing? What do we pay our taxes for?' Narcissa glowered at Severus as though it was his fault.

'Father and I do not ask help from the Ministry,' said Lucius sharply, looking horrified. 'Father tells the Ministry what to do, he doesn't go begging to their mudbloods for advice on Muggle matters.' He turned to Severus. 'You are my only hope, Severus. Can you help us? And keep quiet about it?'

'Of course I will,' he said softly, although his mind was racing. He knew nothing about how dead bodies were looked after, or how he could persuade Muggles to give one up. But he was determined to find a way. He couldn't let Lucius down. 'First of all, we'll have to get some Muggle clothes. If you have some Galleons, we can go to Gringotts and change them to Muggle money, then we can buy some.'

Lucius swallowed and then nodded, rising to his feet. 'All right. We'll keep my father out of it. He cannot dress in Muggle clothes and plead with Muggles – the humiliation… I don't think he could stand it right now. He is unwell as it is…'

'I don't know if they'll let us do it without him,' said Severus hesitantly. 'You're not of age in Muggle terms, you have to be eighteen.'

Narcissa interrupted him. 'We will find a way. Lucius is right. His father is not young, and should not suffer such an indignity. This is for us to do.'

'Cissy, you don't have to come,' said Lucius. 'I don't expect you to pretend to be a Muggle. You shouldn't have to get involved in something so…' He couldn't find the right word, but the curling of his lips said the rest.

'Of course I'm going to come. You're in no fit state to manage on your own, and Severus, for all his _many talents, _is only twelve.'

Severus was about to protest, but he realised Narcissa had a point. He wasn't entirely sure how he was going to manage this situation, and Cissy had proven herself to be clever and capable. Lucius obviously thought so too, because he said, 'Well, if you're _sure…_'

'There's no question about it. Come on, we'd better make a plan.'

It was late on Saturday evening, and the three Slytherins were in the drawing room again. Severus, who had never encountered a drawing room in his life before, loved thinking those words. _Just sitting with Lucius, in the drawing room._ If only the circumstances were different.

Lucius looked exhausted, and he had curled himself around Narcissa on the sofa with his head on her shoulder. In the fireplace, a pile of Muggle clothing and documents blazed. It had been weird, seeing Lucius in flares and a blazer. He'd looked good in them, though no one would have dared say so, and Lucius had made his discomfort and revulsion in the clothes clear. It had taken some effort to persuade him that he couldn't carry his wand in plain view. Eventually he'd consented to put it inside a briefcase, which he kept clutched to him through the whole episode. Narcissa had hidden hers in her overlarge sleeve. Severus, unable to do magic out of school, hid his along with Lucius', in case of a dire emergency.

It had been an odd situation. Lucius, usually so confident and assured, had become almost mute, a fish out of water, as they entered the Muggle world. He'd stared around in horror at the traffic as they negotiated the streets around the hospital, and almost fell off his chair when the telephone rang in the office they were shown to. Severus had been extremely glad Narcissa was with them. She took the Muggle world in her stride, and her quiet resolution seemed to reassure Lucius. In fact, despite their antipathy, she and Severus worked well together, communicating silently through glances as they negotiated the release of Mrs Malfoy's corpse between them.

Severus had lied that they were French tourists, which conveniently explained why there were no records of Mrs Malfoy, and why Lucius remained silent. 'My bruzzer, 'e does not speak ze Eeenglish,' explained Snape, in a truly terrible fake French accent, tinged with Yorkshire. His lies got them within striking distance of the body, and then Narcissa did the rest with a swiftly placed Confundus Charm. He followed her instructions without question, privately rather impressed.

They escaped with the body, disapparating from the morgue having managed to convince the Muggles they had just seen the body leave in a hearse. Severus hadn't wanted to hold onto the body – the woman was stiff and greyish and cold to the touch. But he could hardly expect Lucius to do it. In fact, as soon as the corpse was brought out, Lucius seemed to turn into an inferius himself. Even back in the wizard world, at the undertakers, Lucius stood silently whilst Narcissa dealt with the officials. Again, Severus was rather awed by how she handled herself. Her confident bearing and posh voice sent the wizards scurrying to do her bidding, whilst he stood by with Lucius.

'Lew, sweetheart, why don't you go upstairs and have a thorough wash?' suggested Narcissa when they returned to the Manor. 'Get all the Muggle off you?'

After changing into wizard clothes, Narcissa and Severus arrived back in the drawing room at almost the same time and took some grim pleasure in throwing the Muggle garments onto the fire. 'Such nasty, nasty things,' said Narcissa with a shudder. 'How do you bear it, going back into the Muggle world every holiday?'

'I hate it,' he said honestly. 'Soon as I'm old enough, I'm sticking with wizards and never going near Muggles again. Narcissa? Are you scared of them finding out that you Confunded Muggles?'

'Not really. I'm a Black.' She gave him a rare smile, but it faded quickly. 'I'm so worried about Lucius. If I could get my hands on those Muggles…' The look on her face was so angry that Severus shivered. Narcissa Black was not a woman to cross.

Severus went to bed early. Lucius was absorbed with Narcissa, and he escaped when Lucius' father joined them. He had no idea what to say to bereaved people, and Malfoy's father was frighteningly stern. Severus had been given a guest bedroom as big as the entire ground floor of his family home and with a huge four poster bed. He slept uneasily, full of nightmares about corpses. Lucius, dressed in Muggle clothes, turned his back on him saying, 'I always knew you were Muggle deep down, Severus.' He woke in a cold sweat.

Unable to go back to sleep, he got up and lit his candle, wandering around the room. He ran his fingers over the walls. They had a deliciously smooth, silken feel. His toes sank deeply into the carpet. A group of wood nymphs capered in a large picture, giggling and blowing kisses when he went to take a closer look. He drank in every detail, and the longing to belong to a place like this swept over him in a painful wave.

A noise from outside the room made him pause, and he went to the door. Listening for a moment, he eased it open. Lucius was standing at the end of the landing, at the window overlooking the gardens. He turned and looked at Severus, then smiled slightly. 'Shouldn't you be tucked up asleep, my little friend?'

He glowed at being called Lucius' friend. 'I woke up,' he said, by way of explanation.

Lucius beckoned to him, and he went to the window. The grounds looked strange in the pale moonlight, the shadows long and deep and very black. The water in the fountain danced and sparkled. 'So, you like my house?' asked Lucius, his breath misting the diamond panes of the window.

'It's amazing,' said Severus at once. 'When I was at Muggle school we went on a trip once, to a stately house that one of their queens lived in. It wasn't as nice as this.'

'Of course not.' In the moonlight, Lucius' face looked hard and gaunt, and he stared out at the gardens in silence, lost in thought. Just when Severus thought he'd been forgotten, Lucius spoke again. 'Those Muggles, Severus. You know what bothers me more than anything? It was the marks on her body. It wasn't enough that they killed her with their horseless carriage, that they stole her wand. They then went and cut up her body _after she was dead._' Lucius' voice quavered and he shivered violently. Severus reached out uncertainly and put a hand on his friend's shoulder.

'Why would anyone do something so barbaric? Dishonour her body in that way. They are no better than animals, Severus. No, they are worse. They talk, they look like us. They purport to be intelligent. What sort of monster would do such a thing? You saw, you saw the cuts? They had sewed them up with a needle and thread, like she was… like she was a piece of cloth.' He shuddered again, and gripped the windowsill so tightly his knuckles went white. 'It is bad enough that we must hide from them, live depleted lives in order to evade detection. All that effort to protect their precious lives, but what's to stop them harming us? And who will punish them when they do?'

There wasn't an answer, so they stood in silence, gazing contemplatively at the grounds. Eventually Lucius said, 'Without you and Cissy, we'd never have got her body back. You both did the Malfoys a great service today. I won't forget it. Family, that's the most important thing in life, Severus.' He cast another look at him. 'At least, if one has a decent one. You and Cissy, you are like family to me now. And we look out for our own.'

'Like family?' whispered Severus, hardly able to believe his ears. To be an honorary Malfoy was an accolade he could hardly have dreamed of.

'We have our deal, after all. We look out for each other. One of my better ideas, that.' He patted Severus on the back. 'Remember what I told you. Stick with me and you can't go wrong.'


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 – Muggle Things

Severus spent Christmas at Hogwarts, with the unexpected bonus of Lucius' company as the older boy had decided to stay at school in order to study. Mr Malfoy had gone abroad and Severus suspected Lucius' sudden interest in academia was a way of avoiding spending Christmas with the Blacks. Since his mother's death, Lucius would go to any lengths to avoid talking about it, whereas Narcissa seemed obsessed with getting him to do just that.

So to Severus' delight he got a whole two weeks with Lucius to himself, although they rarely spoke. During the day, Lucius spread out his books and made endless revision notes. Severus sprawled in his customary place on the rug beside the fire despite having an entire common room full of empty chairs, occasionally getting up to make Lucius snacks and fetch him things. In the evenings, they played lengthy hard-fought games of chess.

The two boys went to greet the Hogwarts Express when it returned in the New Year. Whilst Lucius was absorbed with Narcissa, Severus ran along the train until he spotted Lily. He felt a soaring sensation in his stomach. He pushed through the crowd, not caring who saw, and shouted her name. Her head snapped round, and her face lit up in a radiant smile. She abandoned her friends as she ran to greet him.

'Happy New Year Sev!' she cried, hugging him. 'I missed you back home, it wasn't the same without you. How was Christmas at Hogwarts?'

'It was good, we all sat at one big table to have Christmas dinner – Dumbledore wore a Muggle paper hat and Flitwick got giggly on the sherry.' He beamed at Lily, remembering anew how much he liked her and how good her presence made him feel. 'I missed you too, though. Next year you should stay too.'

'Maybe,' she said gently, linking her arm through his. 'Come on, you must tell me all about it.'

Severus spent a happy evening in a corner of the library, regaling Lily with tales of the Christmas dinner and New Year fireworks and general gossip, before they were both forced to go their separate ways. 'I wish you were in Slytherin,' he said for the thousandth time as they parted.

'And I wish _you_ were in Gryffindor,' she replied, with a grin as though it was a joke. 'Night night, Sev.'

He stayed where he was until the sound of her feet running up the stairs had faded away. Sometimes it felt like all he ever did was say goodbye to her.

Potions lessons were a high point in Severus' week. Not only was it the only subject in which he outperformed Potter and Black with ease, but it was also the only one that year he shared with Lily. The two vied good-naturedly for top marks each week, although their styles differed. Severus was methodical and logical, always pushing to improve upon the simplified recipes in the book, aiming to impress Slughorn. His work bench was always meticulously tidy, his ingredients laid out in order, each element carefully prepared.

Lily meanwhile appeared to throw things into the cauldron with careless abandon. Her side of the bench was covered in bits of frog liver and spilled nettle juice, one lot of ingredients mixing up with the next, often threatening to encroach on Severus' own space. Strands of hair escaped from under her hat and her robes were covered in splashes. It appeared to be utter chaos, and yet somehow from the midst of it all, she produced the same near-perfect results as Severus.

If he hadn't liked her so much it would have driven him mad. But he could forgive Lily anything, even when Slughorn constantly praised her. When the teacher wasn't extolling her virtues as a potion maker, he tried to work out whether she had any famous relatives. 'You're not related to Howell Evans, out Aberystwyth way, are you?' he asked one lesson, as he collected their exemplary flasks of Swelling Solution.

'I don't think so,' said Lily, colouring slightly. She had learned to be cagey about her heritage, especially in a class full of Slytherins. Severus knew that Slughorn's questioning made her uncomfortable, and wished he could get the teacher to shut up.

'No? What about the Prewetts – you're not related to the Prewetts are you? You've got the red hair. They were fine Potion makers, those twins, and decent lads, even if they were Gryffindors.' He winked theatrically. 'I didn't hold it against them!'

Lily shifted awkwardly and began to put things into her bag to avoid looking at the teacher. 'Actually sir… I'm Muggle born.'

'By Jove!' Slughorn stepped back as if in astonishment. 'Really? Are you quite sure?'

'Yes, of course I am,' she said, her eyes flashing.

'Well I never, Muggleborn! Not that there's anything wrong with that,' he added, rather too hastily. 'It's just that I rarely find Muggleborn students have much aptitude or inclination for Potions. Muggleborn, eh… I suppose that explains why you're not in Slytherin.'

'Oh, I wouldn't want to be in Slytherin, I like it when my house wins the Quidditch too much.' She gave a little smile as she spoke, and Slughorn laughed loudly as though she'd made a good joke.

The following Potions lesson, Slughorn casually presented Lily with a piece of thick cream coloured card. 'Just a little get-together I'm organising,' he murmured.

'Oh my God!' whispered Lily excitedly, as soon as Slughorn had moved out of earshot. 'It's an invite for Slug Club!'

Severus snatched it from her and examined it before handing it back. He had mixed feelings about this development. On the one hand, it was another opportunity for him to spend time with Lily, and a way of drawing her out of her Gryffindor-centric world and closer to his own. On the other, it meant bringing his two very different friends into direct contact. Up until now he'd been able to keep them separate without too much difficulty, and that was the way he'd hoped it would stay. He was pretty sure Lucius would not approve of Lily, and he doubted Lily would think much of Lucius once she heard some of his opinions.

He tried to prepare Lucius, waiting until the boy was in a relatively good mood before mentioning in what he hoped was a casual way that a girl in his year group had been invited to Slug Club. 'She doesn't really know anyone else,' he explained.

Lucius, who was flipping through the pages of _Quidditch Quarterly, _said, 'Well, you must make sure you look after her then, Severus.'

'Really?' It was a better reception than he'd dared hope.

'Well of course. It's the gentlemanly thing to do. Goodness me, you really don't have any social graces, do you? Now go and make me some coffee.'

Nevertheless, he was nervous before the meeting, nearly as much so as Lily. She was almost shaking when she met him outside. 'Do I look all right?' she asked anxiously.

Severus thought she looked more beautiful than anything he'd ever seen. 'You look great,' he said gruffly.

In fact, things went well. Lily was charming and funny. He steered her towards some Ravenclaws that he knew slightly, and soon it seemed everyone in the room was hanging on her every word. Even Lucius smiled at a couple of things. Severus began to feel a creeping itch of jealousy. Suddenly he was surrounded by rivals for Lily's attention, and was being outshone in front of the powerful friends he'd worked so hard to cultivate.

At the end of the meeting, Lily linked arms with him and they left together. Her cheeks were pink and she was glowing with happiness. 'Oh wow, I had such a nice time, Sev! All the Slug Clubbers are so nice, aren't they? Thank you for looking after me. D'you think Slughorn will invite me again?'

'Oh yeah, he'll definitely invite you again,' said Severus, a little less enthusiastically.

Lily needn't have worried, her performance had sealed her place as one of Slughorn's favourites. She became a regular fixture at Slug Club events. A couple of the old family crowd treated her with slight disdain, but there was unofficial rule that Slug Club should remain civil. Severus knew that Lucius strongly disapproved of Muggleborns, but Lucius was good at hiding his true feelings when necessary. Even when Narcissa remarked cuttingly about how Severus kept 'gazing at the Mudblood like a lost puppy', Lucius just laughed it off and remarked that Severus was 'at that age'.

In fact, Severus let his guard down to the extent he no longer worried about every Slug Club gathering. They got to almost the end of the year without a problem, until a May supper party. It was exam season and everyone was tired and irritable. Severus was still picking the odd stray feather off himself, having spent the day being turned into various animals by Lucius, who had his Transfiguration practical the following day.

Having agreed not to talk about exams, the group was discussing the summer holidays. Lily was describing a Muggle seaside holiday, and everyone was rolling with laughter at her description of sandcastles. 'I can't believe you're Muggleborn,' said a Ravenclaw boy. 'I always thought you must be a Prewett or a Weasley.'

'Nope, Muggleborn,' said Lily, with a touch of defiance. The mood was sobering and several people looked uncomfortable at this change in topic.

'Actually, you're probably half-blooded,' said Lucius airily, pouring himself some more tea.

Lily looked at him aghast. 'I'm sorry?' she said eventually, her icy tone suggesting she was anything but.

Unperturbed, Lucius expanded. 'Your father was probably a wizard – your real father I mean. It happens all the time I'm afraid – wizards have their way with Muggle women. Use Imperius or Confundus or a love potion – you can read about it in the _Prophet. _So you're probably a half-blood, really.' He stirred his tea delicately, smiling mildly across the table at Lily, who looked horrified.

'How can you say that? That's a horrible thing to say,' she said eventually.

Lucius frowned and sipped his tea. 'Well, not necessarily. Your mother might have genuinely liked him of course. He didn't necessarily use foul play. I'm just saying, it's a possibility.'

'So now you're saying my Mam lied about my Dad?'

Lucius pulled a pained expression. 'Look, I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just saying, you're probably not a Muggle at all, you're probably a half-blood-'

'Oh, and I should be glad, should I?' snapped Lily, pushing her chair back as she rose to her feet.

The colour rose in Lucius' cheeks, just slightly. He stared at Lily, his teacup frozen half way to his mouth. 'Well, of course,' he said.

'You think it's a good thing, to imagine those horrible things, to think my father might be someone I don't even know, as long as it means I can be a half-blood?' Her voice was rising dangerously. Around the table, the other children averted their eyes, unwilling to get involved in this row. Severus stayed frozen, his eyes flicking from one to the other, not knowing how – or who – to help.

Lucius sniffed and replaced his teacup, a calm movement, but Severus noted the fingers of his other hand twitched. 'Look, I'm not saying _any_ of it is _desirable_,' he said, in a weary tone. 'I mean, one wouldn't _choose _it. I'm just saying that's probably how it is.'

'Now, now, Lucius, Lily, that's enough,' said Slughorn, looking anxiously from one to the other. 'No fighting in Slug Club, we're all friends here. Lily dear, I'm sure Lucius didn't mean any harm, and Lucius, perhaps you could express yourself more sensitively in future. Lily, do sit down, your tea will be getting cold. Have another fondant fancy.'

'I don't want a fondant fancy!' snapped Lily, eyes bright with tears of hurt and rage. 'I don't want to stay here, if that's what you all think! I don't care if he's sensitive about it, if that's what he thinks, that's just nasty!'

'Lucius didn't mean any harm, my dear,' began Slughorn, wringing his hands, but Malfoy interrupted him, speaking directly to Lily. His tone was level and icily polite, but the cold grey eyes were hard as steel.

'Clearly I do think in a very different way from you. That is the way I have been brought up to think. I am afraid you will find that most wizards and witches – those with pure blood – have been brought up to think the same way. I am sorry that our cultural values differ from yours, but since you have chosen to come into our world, the world of wizardry, you would do well to assimilate yourself, or return to the Muggle world if you find our way of life unpalatable.'

Lily gaped at him, open mouthed. Severus saw Narcissa smile, and a couple of the others looked approving too. It seemed like no one dared breathe, let alone speak. Finally Lily said, through her trembling lips, 'I find _you _pretty unpalatable, actually.' She turned and fled the room, ignoring Slughorn's feeble cries. Severus watched her go, distraught and desperate to follow her, but unable to do so with Lucius watching.

There was a pause. Then Lucius reached for his teacup again and said glibly, 'I suppose it's too much to hope that she's actually flouncing all the way back to the Muggle world.'

Several people tittered but Slughorn looked cross. 'Now, look what's happened! Slug Club is supposed to be about people with talent coming together, regardless of their circumstances! It transcends all that! There shouldn't be any fighting…'

'She started it,' said Lucius coldly. 'And come on, Professor, surely you agree with me. You are head of Slytherin house, after all. We all know what Slytherin's views were on the subject. She might not like it, but it's true, isn't it? Wizards aren't the same as Muggles, and all the time there's a Statute of Secrecy that isn't going to change much. I'm sure if we did a poll of your past students –' he waved a hand to indicate the photographs adorning the office walls – 'then we'd find my views are comparatively moderate.'

Slughorn clearly didn't like this topic of conversation. His big face was redder than normal and a few beads of sweat stood out on his brow. He wriggled on his seat and ran a finger around the inside of his collar. 'Well… if we can't all agree to disagree, perhaps it would be best not to raise the topic at all,' he said finally, and looked significantly at the clock. 'Well! Look at the time. Perhaps you should all be getting back to your houses now. It's my turn to do night on-call duty.'

Lucius rose to leave immediately, and swept out of the room, with Severus and Narcissa jogging to keep up. He walked very fast along the corridor, now showing the irritation beneath his apparent unruffled calm of earlier. 'He's an old phoney,' he spat suddenly, after they'd turned the corner leading back to the common room. 'A stupid old phoney. Who does he think he is? A two-bit teacher from no great family. He'd do well to remember who it was that put him where he is. Without people like my father and yours, Cissy, he'd be nowhere. He hasn't got the position he has now by sucking up to silly little mudbloods.'

'Don't let it bother you, Lew,' said Narcissa.

'I was trying to be nice to her!' snapped Lucius, as though Narcissa hadn't spoken. 'Stupid ungrateful little mudblood bitch. Any normal person would be _glad _to think they were half-blooded, rather than a Muggle magic thief. I wish I hadn't bothered.'

Severus had never seen Lucius so angry. The older boy was usually calm and languid, but now he was close to ranting. 'Stupid mudbloods like her are going to destroy our world, with their Muggle clothes and Muggle games and Muggle things. Wearing trussers, playing kicking-ball – last time I went to Diagon Alley, half the people there were in Muggle clothes! In Diagon Alley, for goodness sake! They make you feel like a stranger in your own world!'

'Just ignore them, Lucius,' said Narcissa breathlessly, trying to walk slightly in front of Lucius to slow him down.

'No!' he shouted, causing Narcissa to jump back in shock. 'There's been too much ignoring them. These people are a threat, the enemy within. They are slowly eroding our values, diluting our culture – soon we'll be nothing more than Muggles with wands! We've got to stop ignoring it, and start fighting back, before it's too late.'

They entered the common room, where Lucius launched himself at a fourth year sitting by the fire, wearing a T-shirt bearing the words _Hobgoblins UK Tour_. 'What are you wearing?' Malfoy barked, lifting the boy from his chair. 'Filthy Muggle thing! How dare you wear such a thing here, in Hogwarts, in the house of Salazar Slytherin himself!'

'It's a wizard T-shirt! I bought it at a Hobgoblins gig – it's a wizard T-shirt!' gasped the boy, looking petrified. The whole common room had stopped to stare. No one interceded. No one would challenge Lucius Malfoy.

'A _wizard_ T-shirt?' repeated Lucius, in a dangerously soft voice. 'There is no such thing as a 'wizard T-shirt'! Wizards wear robes! T-shirts are a Muggle invention. What will be next? 'Wizard' leg coverings? 'Wizard' horseless carriages? 'Wizard' kicking balls? Wizard….' But Lucius' Muggle knowledge was exhausted. 'You should be ashamed of yourself. You don't deserve to be called a wizard.'

'Lucius.' Narcissa made no move, and said nothing more than her boyfriend's name, but her tone now had enough quiet menace to get through.

Malfoy glowered at the boy for a moment longer, then released him. 'Get that thing off, and if I ever see you wearing it again I'll make sure everyone knows that your family are in league with Muggles. Your father works at the Ministry doesn't he? I suggest if you want him to keep his job then you'd better start showing a bit more pride in your heritage.' He stalked away towards his dormitory, grabbing Severus by the wrist and hauling him after. Narcissa followed.

In the relative privacy of the dorm, Narcissa's voice was harder and angrier than before. 'What are you thinking, Lucius?' She saw Severus lurking and added, 'Go and leave us in peace.'

'Severus is staying here,' snapped Lucius.

'Very well,' said Narcissa through gritted teeth. 'What on earth has got into you? I know you're worried about Transfiguration…'

'Transfiguration is nothing,' he said feverishly. 'Nothing to the potential destruction of the world.'

Narcissa drew herself up to her full height, an impressive sight. 'Lucius, will you get a grip. Potential destruction of the world – what rot! And whilst blood purity is a worthy goal, you aren't going the right way about it. Offending mudbloods – especially Sluggy's favourite pet mudblood – and threatening people in the common room isn't going to do any good.'

'Then what is?' he asked bluntly, sitting suddenly on his bed and staring at Narcissa and Severus as though they had the answers. 'What _is_ going to do some good? Why can't anyone else see what's happening? I can't sit back and watch everything I know fade away.'

Narcissa went over to him then, and wrapped her arms around him. 'I'm not suggesting that you do. But there are better ways to go about it. The Lucius I know doesn't go round shouting and making scenes. You're different from that, _better_ than that. No one is going to solve the mudblood problem on their own, not even you.'

'_They _might. The Death Eaters. This Lord Voldemort.' He lowered his voice to speak the name, and gave a slight glance over his shoulder, as though the man might materialise behind him.

Fresh alarm dawned on Narcissa's face. 'No, Lucius. No. Don't you even think about it.'

'Why not? They represent everything we care about. Don't you hate the idea of Muggles taking over?'

'Of course I do! But the Death Eaters have been banned, Lucius. You've read the _Prophet. _The disappearances and so on. If they carry on killing wizards there won't be anyone left.'

He was shaking his head before she'd even finished. 'Sometimes you have to sacrifice a piece in order to win the game. Besides, you know how the _Prophet _exaggerates. They might be an extreme solution, Cissy, but they're the only solution on offer. No one else even talks about neutralising the Muggle threat. Hell, the politicians only talk of being kinder to Muggles, doing more for them! The influence of Dumbledore and his cronies, it's too strong to break.'

'Well, maybe these Death Eaters do offer a solution, but that doesn't mean you have to join up, Lucius. Let them get on with it, and if they succeed then that's great, and if they don't, you're not caught up in it. It's not the first time there's been a movement like this, or a 'Dark Lord'. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgement.' She stroked some hair away from his face, looking into his eyes. 'Come on, you know I'm right.'

He made an exasperated noise and slumped against her. Narcissa smiled victoriously as she took his head in her hands. But as he slunk away to find Lily, Severus had a feeling that Lucius hadn't really conceded the argument, or given up on the idea of joining the Death Eaters.

Lily was tearful when he found her in a quiet corner of the castle that they sometimes used as a meeting place. He sat next to her and tentatively patted her back. 'They all hate me, Sev,' she said, sniffing piteously.

'Don't be silly, no one could hate you,' he said at once, meaning it.

'But they do. They all think that, even the ones who are nice. I see it all the time, how surprised they are when they find out I'm Muggleborn.'

'That's because you're really good.' He reached into his pocket for a handkerchief, but seeing it was monographed with Lucius' initials, hastily hid it again.

'Yeah, they can't believe that someone who's good can be a Muggleborn.' She sniffed again and then turned to rest her head against his shoulder, which made him feel very weird. He put his arm around her and tried to breathe normally. 'What if he was right, Sev?' she asked very quietly, so he felt the hum of her voice against his arm. 'What if…'

'He's wrong,' said Severus immediately. 'You look just like your Dad, remember? Your eyes are like his. Listen, in his way, Malfoy was only trying to be nice to you. I mean, from him it's a compliment to say you're half-blooded.'

She pulled out of his arms. He'd obviously said the wrong thing. 'Why don't you understand that that doesn't make it all right?' she asked, with genuine curiosity in her voice.

He avoided the question. 'What you've got to remember is that his mother was killed by a car, not very long ago. And he doesn't understand Muggles, so he thinks they killed her purposely and got away with it. It's no wonder he doesn't like them.'

'It's not just Lucius though, is it? Wizards don't like Muggleborns, or Muggles.' She looked at him sorrowfully.

'That's not true. Look at Dumbledore – he really likes Muggles, and everyone says he's the most powerful wizard alive. And Slughorn, he's on our side too – you should have heard him tell Lucius off!' It wasn't strictly true, but he could see he was persuading her. 'Then there's Professor McGonagall, and Professor Flitwick – in fact all the teachers here. And everyone keeps saying how the Ministry is changing the laws to protect Muggles more.'

She smiled weakly, then brightened up more. 'Maybe you're right, Sev. I suppose I should be kinder about Malfoy, after all, he has lost his Mum. That must be so terrible. And maybe he was just trying to be nice.'

'That's right, so stop worrying about people not liking you. Everyone likes you. And just ignore any anti-Muggle stuff. It's all rubbish. It doesn't matter. We're here, at Hogwarts, learning magic. We're best friends, and we'll be friends forever, and none of the rest of it matters, OK?'

'OK,' she agreed, her face settling back into a proper smile. He felt a lump in his throat at the sight of it. He wished he could lock Lily away somewhere, hide her from the world, from all the bad things that he knew were out there. Lily was just too lovely for her own good.

After the exams, Lucius announced casually that he had a try-out for the Montrose Magpies. Everyone was abuzz with excitement. Severus spent the preceding evening getting all of Lucius' kit ready, and polishing his broom until he could see his reflection in the handle. Lucius departed early the following morning, and didn't arrive back until well after dark. He looked tired and his hair was limp with sweat. 'Lucius! How did it go? When do you start?' cried Narcissa, flinging herself into his arms.

Lucius responded rather stiffly to her hug, pulling away. 'Oh, it was fine. But I decided not to do it. The team was full of mudbloods and I didn't like the attitude of the manager.'

'Oh.' Narcissa stepped back, her face blank with surprise. 'Oh, well… I suppose you wouldn't want to be with mudbloods.'

Severus watched them closely. He could see Narcissa didn't believe Lucius, and he wasn't sure he did either. Malfoy continued, 'Besides, my father's health has taken a turn for the worse since my mother died. One has to think of one's family responsibilities. Severus, you can come and sort out my kit for the elves.'

Lucius never referred to his trial again, but two weeks later he casually handed Severus the _Prophet. _Since he'd finished his NEWTs, Lucius did nothing more than lounge around, reading the paper and canoodling with Narcissa. 'There's an article there you might be interested in,' he said in an offhand drawl, so bored it sounded like a yawn.

Scanning the page, Severus read out, 'Ministry source: Death Eater threat grows daily.'

'Opposite.' Lucius tapped the paper without looking, causing a picture of a scantily clad witch to shake her fist at him in indignation.

It took a moment to find what Lucius meant. Then his mouth fell open in an 'o' of surprise as he read. _Marty McGinty, long-time manager of the Montrose Magpies, was today dismissed from his post amidst allegations of match fixing. McGinty, 57, had an illustrious flying career with the club and has guided the team to no fewer than three league victories in his time as manager. He is accused of accepting undisclosed sums of money in return for sabotaging his own team. McGinty was not available for comment._

'Such a shame,' said Lucius, in a very smug voice. 'Still, looks like I made the right choice. I could tell he had a bad attitude.'

'Yeah, you were right,' said Severus softly, but he had learned enough from Lucius to understand subtext. He suddenly felt very glad he was on the same side as Lucius. Malfoy was not a man to cross.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – The Half-Blood Prince

It was the last day of term and Hogwarts had a strange, excitable feel about it. Lessons were over and everyone was in a happy flurry of activity. Lucius and the others were packing up their trunks for the last time, leaving Hogwarts forever. Severus sat on his mentor's bed, carefully folding clothes. Lucius was going through his books. 'Rune Dictionary – never likely to need that again, thank goodness. D'you want it, Severus?'

Severus shook his head. 'No thanks,' he said glumly, transferring a pile of robes into the trunk.

'Cheer up!' The older boy suddenly jumped up and sat next to Severus on the bed. 'You look like you've lost a Galleon and found a Knut.'

'I'm all right,' said Severus, embarrassed. He performed a summoning charm and a moment later was covered in odd socks which flew at him from all angles. He held one up. 'Is this yours?'

Lucius examined it dubiously. 'No… it might be Walden's… though looking at it, it might have belonged to whoever had this dormitory before us.' The two boys viewed the sock with distaste, before Lucius flicked his wand and sent it into the fireplace.

'So you're going travelling,' said Severus, for something to say.

'Yes, I suppose so. One has to do something with oneself. See Atlantis and all that. Cissy's going off to France for a year so there's not much point hanging around here. Macnair is keen to come with me, though I'm not sure if I can bear his company undiluted for several months. I think I might prefer to go it alone. Then once I get back, I suppose I'll do all the usual things. Join pater in his business affairs, get married… and so on and so forth.'

'Yeah, of course,' said Severus. He took some books out of the trunk and restacked them unnecessarily. He felt suddenly heavy hearted. He couldn't see any place for a half-blooded misfit in Lucius' future. He realised Lucius would move on and leave him behind.

He remained gloomy for the entire journey home. He was in a compartment with Rosier, Wilkes, Avery and Mulciber, fourth years who were part of Lucius' gang. They spent the whole time discussing their big plans for the summer. Severus kept his nose in _Magical Drafts and Potions_, occasionally making a note in the margin of something to try. Potions were the only things he could practice in the holidays.

When the train stopped at King's Cross, Severus got stuck in a queue waiting to get off the train. By the time he emerged onto the platform, he looked around frantically for Lucius, but there was no sign of the older boy or any of his crowd. He stood, forlorn and alone amidst the crowds of people, embracing and chattering and calling greetings and farewells.

'Severus! Severus!' He had been so caught up in self-pity, he didn't hear Lily calling him until she tapped his shoulder. He turned and saw her there, her beautiful red hair down to her waist, smiling at him and holding out her hand, Sooty's basket in the other. It was like a visitation from heaven. 'I'm here. Come on, Mum and Dad will meet us on the other side of the barrier.'

His face broke into a crooked smile. Who needed Lucius when he had Lily, a whole six weeks of Lily's company, all to himself? They heaved their trunks onto a trolley and made their way to the barrier. Lily was bright and bouncy, full of her plans for the summer. The Evanses were driving back from London, and had offered to take Severus as well. He'd gratefully accepted, glad not to risk incurring his father's wrath over the inconvenience and train fares before he'd even set eyes on his son.

Mr and Mrs Evans were waiting on the Muggle side of the barrier, and Lily rushed over to hug them. Severus did not come from a huggy family, and hung back awkwardly. He turned away, staring across the concourse to where the ugly Muggle trains stood. He glanced down at his trunk, and when he looked up, Lucius Malfoy was standing in front of him.

'I thought I'd missed you,' said the older boy, with a smile. 'You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye?' He held out a hand, and Severus shook it. Lucius' grip was very tight. 'Until we meet again.' He stepped back and smiled, then pushed something into Severus' hand, nodded curtly, turned on his heel and was gone.

Severus looked at the object. It was a package, wrapped in black paper. 'Come on Sev, we're going!' called Lily. He pushed the gift into his pocket. In the car on the long journey back up north, he felt the size and shape of it there. He didn't join in Lily's enthusiastic chatter about school, her descriptions of the castle and the end of term feast and the Quidditch final. He was quite happy to watch her, listen to her. The way she widened her big green eyes when making a point, the way she screwed up her nose when she smiled. He loved having her there, so close to him. He wanted the journey to never end.

But of course it did, and soon he was back at Spinner's End, hiding his trunk away in his bedroom where his father wouldn't notice it. His mother greeted him without enthusiasm. She had a faint bruise on her cheek, he noticed. 'Have a good year, did you?' she asked him.

'Yeah, not bad,' he replied. 'We won the House Cup, just by twenty points. Those Gryffindunce prats looked sick as dogs.'

For a moment, she smiled properly, reaching her eyes. 'I remember in me sixth year, we won by two points. I got ten points right at the end of term, for winning the Gobstones championship. We had such a party that night! Aye, Slyths know how to celebrate all right.'

Excited by this reminiscence of her school days, Severus dared to ask, 'If I could get a Gobstones set, we could play, if you like? Over the summer. I'm not much good, but you could teach me.'

For a moment the smile stayed, but then it faded, her eyes clouding and shutting down again. 'Better not. Your father wouldn't like it.'

'He doesn't need to know! We can keep it hidden, with my other things. He's out at the pub…'

'No, Severus, we're under his roof. He'll find out, you know he always does. Not worth the hassle, not for a stupid game.' She turned away from him, and continued chopping cabbage.

He felt anger rise inside him. 'It's just a game of Gobstones! You're a witch, and you don't even use a cutting charm when he isn't here to see!'

'That's enough of your lip, young man,' she said, but without passion. 'I'd have thought Hogwarts would have taught you to keep a civil tongue.'

Furious, he stormed out, running up the narrow stairs to shut himself into his bedroom. He threw himself down on the bed. The covers smelt musty, after a year of being unslept in. He turned over, and felt the package in his pocket. Pulling it out, he carefully peeled away the paper. Inside was a silver brooch, with a green jewelled serpent curled round it in an 'S' shape. There was also a piece of card, covered in Lucius' familiar handwriting.

_Severus, in thanks for your loyal friendship and service. The clasp will never fail. It will increase the warmth of any cloak it fastens, and waterproof it. I hope you will find it useful. Yours, Lucius._

He turned it over in his hands, and saw something engraved on the back. Holding it up to the dim electric light he made out the words, '_Severus, a true Slytherin man, from your friend Lucius'_.

He stared at the words for a long time, before hiding it in the deepest recess of his trunk.

Lily was away for two weeks that summer on holiday with her family. Severus spent those weeks in his room, or sitting in the park, nose buried in his textbooks. He read far and wide, memorising lists of magical plants and their properties, reading potion recipes until he knew most off by heart. His father was working for once, although it did nothing to improve his mood. Severus and Eileen hardly dared move when he was home for fear of making a noise. 'Keep it down, some of us have to get up for work tomorrow,' he would say nastily, glowering at his wife and son as though it was their fault he had to earn a living.

Of course, Eileen was hopelessly unqualified for any Muggle job. Not only did she lack an education that a Muggle would understand, she couldn't really be relied on not to give herself away in anything other than superficial conversation. Tobias muttered resentfully about his 'freak of a wife', whom he accused of 'holding him back'. The concept fascinated Severus, who was sorely tempted to ask 'from what?' But of course he didn't. Tobias was not a man you talked back to.

Despite liking his own company, Severus liked Lily's even more, so he actually went and called for her the day after she got back. Her parents were polite to him, though he could tell they didn't really approve. Lily however was delighted to see him, and they headed out onto the moor, Severus having 'borrowed' a bike from a boy down the road who was away. It was a hot ride up the path, but Lily maintained a steady stream of enthusiastic chatter about her holiday.

When they finally reached the top of the hill, they found a vantage point and sprawled on the mossy ground. The whole town was spread out beneath them like a Lego village, the river winding through it like a fat brown ribbon. They spent a while pointing out the various features. 'There's the mill, and that street there – that one must be mine. No, you're not even looking in the right direction!'

Once they'd exhausted the town's limited supply of landmarks, they lay back and the conversation wandered. 'Tuney's got herself a boyfriend,' Lily told him. 'He's a bit older than her and from London. Mam and Dad in't pleased.'

'Ugh, who'd want to go out with Petunia?' He ducked Lily's swat with a grin. 'So, what's he like? Don't tell me he rides a motorbike and has lots of piercings?'

'No, nothing like that,' giggled Lily. 'He's quite boring actually. He's got lots of blond hair and a little moustache, and all he talks about is business. But Tuney's really crazy about him. She's started talking all posh, just like you.'

'I'm nothing like Petunia,' he protested, trying to tickle her.

Lily shrieked and jumped up, dancing away laughing. 'To listen to the pair of you, you'd think you were brother and sister! Maybe you've got more in common than you realise!' She squealed as he caught her and poured grass down her neck. 'Oh no, not 'grarse'!' she mocked.

They chased around for a few more minutes, until the heat got too much and they flopped back down. 'I've been getting the _Daily Prophet_,' said Lily. 'I wanted to keep up to date. There's some bad stuff happening, Sev.'

'The _Prophet_ always exaggerates,' Severus replied, without even opening his eyes. 'You shouldn't let it worry you. It won't affect us. I've got a good question. If you had a choice between a wand that could never be defeated in a duel, or an invisibility cloak that could hide you from death, or a stone that brought back dead people, which would you choose?'

'What a weird question! What were the options again?'

He repeated them and added, 'It's from a fairy story, a wizard one. Mum used to read them to me when I was a kid. Till Dad found out and threw the book out.'

She pulled the sorry face she always did when his father came up in conversation. 'Well, the invisibility cloak would be cool – not to hide from death, but just to have fun with. But the stone that brought back dead people would be good too, I'd like to see my Granny again.'

'Really? I'd give a lot _not _to see Granny Snape again. She was an evil old baggage. If it was me, I'd go for the wand. Invisibility cloaks can be got elsewhere – they're really rare, but there are some about. The stone – pointless really – if I wanted to talk to dead people I'd find a portrait of them or they could stay as a ghost. But a wand – an undefeatable wand – that's something you couldn't get anywhere else.'

'But why would you want to go round fighting people? Or don't tell me – you'd use it on Potter.'

'Wouldn't matter then that there's four of them and one of me, would it?' He smiled at the thought of it. 'But you're right, an invisibility cloak would be fun too. What would you do if you had one for just a day?'

'Hmmm… I'd go in all the places that we can't go normally. I'd go in McGonagall's bedroom and see if she really has a tartan dressing gown like people say. And I'd go to Dumbledore's office because you made it sound really amazing. Then I'd go to the Forest and get really close to unicorns – they're scared of people but if they couldn't see me I might get close enough to touch one. And I'd stay out after hours and follow Filch around, knowing that he can't see me. Oh, and then I'd go to Hogsmeade, to see what it's like.'

He made a rather disparaging noise. 'Well, _I'd _use it to pull the most monumental of pranks on Potter and Black. Maybe I'd pretend to be one of Black's ancestors in a huff that he's a Gryffindunce – sorry! Gryffindor – and spook the hell out of him and Potter. I could put itching powder in all their clothes, and their beds. I'd read all their letters from home so I could use it against them. And I'd find out where that creepy Lupin goes when he's 'sick'. And I'd…'

'Blimey, is that thunder?' Lily interrupted. The sky did look suddenly much darker, with clouds rolling in so fast they could see the light fail before their eyes. 'We should get under some shelter.'

She headed off for the nearest tree, but Severus stopped her. 'Don't you know, never shelter under trees, they can get struck by lightning – especially up here where there's so much open space.' The first fat drops of rain struck them, and in seconds became a deluge. The thunder boomed around the moor. They exchanged wide eyed looks as the lightning illuminated them.

'Come on,' said Severus, grabbing the bikes.

'Where?' shouted Lily, over the noise of the thrumming rain.

'Don't know.' He pushed her bike at her. 'Come on, let's just… go!'

They cycled through the rain, wobbling and swerving as water coursed down their faces. They followed the path for a while until Lily stopped, coughing and spitting out water. 'Sev, wait! I can't see.'

He stopped and abandoned his bike. They faced each other across the path, their clothes hanging heavy with water, Lily's hair dulled to a dark auburn. They stared, and then Lily's lips twitched, and a moment later they were both laughing. There was an electricity in the air that seemed to infect them. Hysterical with laughter, they began to run across the soggy moor, hand in hand. The noise and drama of the storm freed them from inhibitions. Lily spun round, trying to catch raindrops on her tongue. Severus followed, less given to such giddy behaviour, but fascinated by the sparkling of a droplet caught in her eyelashes.

They were almost sorry when the rain stopped as suddenly as it began. Solemn and a little embarrassed, they trudged back to their bikes. Lily looked at the one Severus was using. 'Oh dear, that poor boy's bike…'

'He'll never know,' said Severus, not adding that he didn't care either way. He knew Lily didn't approve of his casually contemptuous attitude to Muggles. 'It'll dry off.'

As they cycled home, Severus reflected that he had four more weeks to go of time with Lily. He was wet, and cold, and very very happy. It might just be the best holiday of his life.

Of course, summer slipped past, teasing in its brevity. Before long, Severus and Lily were crammed into the back of the Evans family car again. Lily's cat was in its basket between them, yowling mournfully. It was still dark outside, and the lights of the motorway blurred past. Severus kept darting guilty looks at Lily, making the most of the last of his time with her. Lily herself was quiet, bleary eyed and sad to be leaving her family.

As soon as they got on the train, Lily was spirited away by her friends, whose dirty looks at Severus made quite clear he wasn't wanted. He wandered down the carriages, sullen with disappointment, looking for somewhere he could sit. Eventually he came to a compartment containing the younger part of Lucius' gang. He peered in uncertainly, until Rosier caught his eye and motioned him inside. He slid the door open and sidled in.

'Hello, Severus. Good hols?' said Rosier, in the permanently bored voice of the pureblood elite.

'Ay- I mean, yes, it was great.' He squeezed himself into the carriage, next to Wilkes, who glanced up from his copy of _Quidditch Quarterly _momentarily to nod to Severus. 'How about you?'

'Oh, you know, spent most of it at Avery's place. Old Bodger was there, we had such japes, it was super. Then the folks dragged me to Transylvania for a week. Now back to old Hogwarts and boring old OWLS. Had to endure a half hour lecture from pater on the importance of study.' Rosier rolled his eyes eloquently.

'Where's Mulciber?' asked Severus, glancing around the compartment. Wilkes, Rosier, Mulciber and Avery were usually pretty much inseparable. But today there was no sign of Mulciber, and instead two small boys were sitting in the corner next to Rosier, eyeing Severus suspiciously.

'He got made a prefect,' said Avery, with a snort. 'So he's riding in their carriage, the dunderhead. First chance I get I'm jinxing his badge.'

One of the two small boys suddenly leaned forwards and stuck out a hand to Severus. There was something familiar about him, and Severus felt a sense of unease even before the boy said, 'Hello. I don't believe we've met. I'm Regulus, Regulus Black.'

'Severus Snape.' He shook the boy's hand, watching to see if the boy showed any sign of recognising his name. What stories would Sirius have told about him?

But the boy's face remained politely blank. Rosier elaborated, 'Severus is Malfoy's pal, they go way back. He knows more curses than the whole of the Huffleduffers and Gryffindunces put together. Aren't your parents diplomats or something?'

'Yeah,' lied Severus uneasily. Somehow Moran's assumption about his parents had become the accepted truth. 'They're in Outer Mongolia at the moment.'

'Fabbo,' said Rosier, without any interest. He indicated the boy sitting next to Regulus, who was as mousy as Regulus was dark. 'And Reg's little friend is Barty Crouch, you'll have heard of his father.'

'Of course,' he said drily, giving the boy's hand a perfunctory shake. Hardly a day passed without the _Prophet _including a comment from the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, usually something tough about the punishments that would be faced by dark wizards when the Aurors caught up with them.

'Can we drag you to duelling club this year, Snape?' asked Avery, tossing his magazine onto the table. 'Now Lucius isn't around to make you run errands?' There was an edge of contempt in his voice, which Severus duly noted.

'Aren't you afraid I'll beat you?' he asked, trying to sound casual and ignore the heat rising in his face. 'I know more curses than the rest of the school, remember.'

'I think I'll take the chance,' sneered Avery.

'You should come,' said Rosier, picking up the discarded magazine. 'We need more Slyths. Wonder what the new Defence teacher's going to be like? Suppose it's too much to hope it's someone decent.'

'You know what they say – the job is cursed. No one's kept it for more than a year for the last five years. They say the Dark Lord himself cursed it, because they won't teach proper dark arts at Hogwarts. Every teacher who takes the job ends up leaving in unfortunate circumstances.'

'They die?' asked Barty Crouch, overcoming his apparent shyness.

'Well – not yet – but I reckon it's only a matter of time. In fact, what say we place a little wager on it? I bet ten Galleons this year's teacher turns up his or her toes. Wilkes, you in?'

'Why not. Ten that it's not till after we've left.'

Rosier turned to Severus and hesitated for a minute before smiling patronisingly, and continuing to Avery, who also casually bet a sum of money that Severus could barely imagine owning. Regulus and Barty went halves on the fourth wager. Severus stuck his nose in a book, though really he was watching the five boys, full of resentment. They might tolerate his presence, but he would never be truly one of them.

He suddenly longed for Lucius. It was true the older boy had never treated him as an equal, but their shared experience meant there was a bond between them despite their different stations in life. At least, he'd thought there was. But he hadn't heard from Malfoy since they'd parted at King's Cross, and he had a feeling that now he'd outlived his usefulness, Malfoy would forget him. His scowl deepened, and he spent the rest of the journey in a moody silence.

The duelling club turned out to be fun, and Severus proved good at it. His time spent fighting off Potter and Black had sharpened his reflexes, and his knowledge of curses, not the mention his own inventions, came in handy. He wasn't the best, unable to compete with the oldest students, but could hold his own at the level of Rosier and his friends.

Lily was sniffy about his new hobby and declined his pleas to join. 'I don't want to go round fighting. There's too much of that in the world as it is. As far as I can tell, it's mainly silly boys showing off to each other.'

'You should come though, it's important to be able to defend yourself. Especially nowadays.'

'I thought the _Prophet _always exaggerates,' she said, rather sharply.

'Yeah, and it does. But I was just thinking about those people in Birmingham last week.' They both went quiet as they thought about the crime that had shaken the wizarding world. The school had talked about little else for the past week. A Muggleborn wizard and his Muggle wife, along with their two small children, had been found murdered. The _Prophet _hadn't spared any gory details of the horrible way in which they'd died. Even the family cat had been found in pieces, nailed to the ceiling.

Equally sinister was the symbol that had been found in the sky above their house, a huge green skull with a snake protruding from the mouth. The _Prophet _had started referring to it as the 'Dark Mark'. 'Do you think the Death Eaters did it?' asked Lily.

'I don't know. Everyone's saying they did, but I'm not sure. It might have just been some nutter. The Death Eaters get blamed for everything at the moment. It wasn't that long ago that everyone thought they were great. I don't see how they can go from being OK to being mad murderers in just a year or so, or why they'd want to. They're a political party really, even if they're banned.'

'The Nazis were a political party once,' pointed out Lily.

'What I don't get, is why people think that blood purity and dark magic go together. You don't have to be pureblood to do dark magic, and you don't have to want to do dark magic to care about pureblood rights. These Death Eaters, one of their aims is overcoming death – defeating it – so why would they want to start killing people?'

'They're keen on overcoming death for _some _people,' she said quietly, 'not everyone. They'd like to get rid of Muggleborns. I read the _Prophet_ too, Sev, you can't protect me from it.'

'I _can_ protect you, and I will,' he said crossly. 'Anyway, you're safe at Hogwarts. Those people just got killed by some lunatic. The Aurors will find him soon, and throw him in Azkaban. And that will be the end of it.'

She looked sceptical, but said no more. He doodled in the margins of his textbook, a bad habit of his, with almost fierce intensity. 'I've thought of a name for myself,' he said suddenly, perhaps to ward off more talk about pureblood supremacists.

She raised an eyebrow. 'So what's 'Severus' then – a figment of my imagination?'

'No, I mean… a better name. A secret name, just for me and my friends.' He was starting to round his shoulders defensively.

'Severus, there's nothing wrong with your name as it is. Why do you have to keep changing who you are?' Seeing his pout, she softened a bit. 'OK, tell me what it is then. But if it's Lucius Malfoy Junior or something like that then I reserve the right to laugh.'

'Of course it's not Lucius Malfoy Junior,' he said huffily. He took a deep breath then announced, 'It's the Half-Blood Prince.'

She tried very hard not to laugh, but didn't quite succeed. 'The Half-Blood Prince!' she exclaimed. 'Oh I'm sorry Sev, I'm really sorry, I don't mean to laugh but…' she collapsed once more in giggles. 'You can't seriously mean to go round calling yourself that!'

'What's wrong with it? My mother's name is Prince, and I'm a half-blood. I am a half-blood Prince. In fact I'm _the _half-blood Prince – there's only one of me. It's a play on words. When I become a spellmaster, that's going to be my name. I'm not going to be known as Severus Snape when I become famous, that's for sure. When you're a famous wizard you have to have a special name. Merlin, Agrippina… all of those aren't their real names.'

'Dumbledore is just Dumbledore,' Lily reminded him.

'He's the exception that proves the rule,' he said smugly, using a phrase he'd picked up recently and found useful for settling arguments. 'Anyway, it's Hogsmeade weekend next week. Can we go together?' He gazed at her hopefully. They were now allowed to visit the village on designated weekends, but Lily usually went with her Gryffindor friends. Severus had gone alone the first time, and soon realised that having no money and no friends were a serious impediment to enjoying Hogsmeade. Ever since he'd been trying to persuade Lily to go with him.

'Oh Sev, I was going to go with Mary and Morgana and the others… don't look at me like that, it's hard for me. They start making plans, and I just sort of get carried along. Maybe we could meet up for a drink or something…' she trailed away guiltily.

'No, it's fine, I'm not spending any time with Snorgana and Hairy, thank you very much. I'll stay here and go to the library. I've just about persuaded Professor Finchbind to give me a Restricted Section pass for a day. Hogsmeade is lame anyway.' But his protruding lower lip betrayed his real feelings, and he felt a burning resentment towards the Gryffindor girls for the rest of the day.

In fact, over the course of that year, his resentment smouldered deeper and deeper. He hated having to share Lily, and without Lucius around to take up some of his free time, he found he felt his separation from her even more intensely. At mealtimes he would stare across the Hall towards the Gryffindor table, wishing he could make every member of that house vanish, leaving only Lily. At least with Potter and Black he got the chance to vent his feelings in their regular fights. With the girls, all he could do was stare after them with purest loathing.

'If looks could kill, Snape!' exclaimed Mulciber one day in June, sitting down next to him at the dinner table. Morgana and Mary had just exited the Hall, arm in arm with Lily and looking insufferably smug.

'Yeah, if only they could,' he muttered darkly. Seeing Mulciber's questioning look he added, 'A load of Gryffindunce mudbloods, walking round like they own the place.'

'Oh, yeah. Filth like that ought to be thrown out.' Mulciber nodded his agreement before turning his attention to his food.

In Potions the next morning Lily was looking pleased and excited. 'You'll never guess what! Morgana's invited me and Mary to stay with her in the summer for three whole weeks! She lives in a village that's seventy-five per cent wizard, and there's an area where it's safe to go flying. And there all sorts of magical creatures around, she's promised to show us real gnomes, and she reckons they get unicorns sometimes – we're going to camp out and see if we can see one.' She stopped, seeing the look on his face. 'What?' she asked, her cheeks colouring.

'Three whole weeks?' he repeated, trying not to sound as gutted as he felt. He'd been looking forward with every fibre of his being to spending another summer with Lily. The thought of it being instead a Lily-free desert left him feeling hollow inside.

'Oh Sev… I wish you could come too,' she said, biting her lip.

He turned away and continued making his potion, but he was so upset that he got the quantities wrong and the resulting brew was a catastrophe. Slughorn peered at it with consternation. 'Did you get out on the wrong side of bed today, Severus?' he enquired. 'Not sickening for something are you?' To Severus' alarm, Slughorn clamped a big hand over his forehead for a moment. 'Oh well, I'm afraid it will have to be just an Acceptable today. And perhaps you should run along and see Madam Pomfrey. You do feel a bit hot.'

Lily was full of anxiety at Severus' apparent 'illness' and insisted on accompanying him to the hospital wing, where a sceptical Madam Pomfrey gave him a dose of Professor Pillwell's Marvellous Elixir and told him to spend more time in the fresh air. But Severus had no intention of spending any time outside. His brain was working overtime – so much so that he did feel quite feverish. He had to find a way to keep Lily to himself.

He spent the next week carefully observing the Gryffindors, lurking behind bookshelves in the library, and pretending to drop things near them in the dining hall. Naturally furtive, he found it easy to go unnoticed. By the following weekend, he'd learned enough. He stole a few Knuts from an unsuspecting first year, and used it to purchase a bottle of distinctive violet ink. He spent hours painstakingly writing his letter, and even more on the charms to go with it.

Once all the pieces of his plan were in place, he took the finished letter to a nondescript school owl. 'Go the long way round,' he told it sternly, offering a dead mouse that he'd smuggled out of Transfiguration.

He got down to breakfast deliberately early the next morning in order to find a good vantage point. Fighting the urge to fidget and play with his cereal, he forced himself to remain calm and unruffled on the outside. He had to wait a long time, and was starting to worry that it hadn't worked, when a sudden burst of loud, sickly music filled the Hall. Every head turned towards the Gryffindor table, where Remus Lupin was staring horrorstruck at a letter that had risen in the air.

'My love for you is deep and true, my love is like the sea. So whichever girl you choose, make sure you choose me!' carolled the card. Severus disciplined himself not to smile. It was a masterful effort, even for him. The hours in the library had been worth it. Titters and giggles were circulating round the hall, but the card hadn't finished. 'To my darling Remus, from Morgana!' it trilled.

Morgana uttered a wail of astonishment and horror. Everyone in the hall was laughing openly now. Bright red and tearful, even from the Slytherin table Severus could hear her insisting, 'It wasn't me! I didn't do it!' An added bonus was the sight of a shamefaced Lupin fleeing the hall.

Now he waited, biding his time. The tearful protestations continued, the letter was examined, and finally Professor McGonagall intervened to remind them that classes were about to start. As soon as the little knot of Gryffindor girls began to get up, he followed, adjusting his walking speed so he fell in neatly behind them. He could still hear Morgana sniffing and declaring she couldn't think who would do such a mean thing. He raised his wand and pointed at Lily's bag. '_Diffindo!' _he whispered, stepping back behind a suit of armour.

The bag split right across the middle, and a second later Lily's possessions were scattering across the floor. A jar of bright violet ink smashed and spread an incriminating puddle. Severus was particularly pleased with the Replacement Charm he'd used to get it in there. What with the careful groundwork he'd put in and a little gentle prompting, Lily would be quickly drawn to the conclusion that Potter had planned the whole thing as a funny 'prank' and a way at getting back at Lily for telling McGonagall about a trick he'd played on a first year. Of course, there wouldn't be quite enough 'evidence' for Lily to prove her innocence to her erstwhile friends, but he was confident he'd done enough to direct suspicion well away from himself.

Morgana saw the ink, and looked up at Lily, her face stiff with horror and betrayal. 'You! It was you! How could you?' she cried.

'Me? I didn't… that's not my ink… I don't know how it got there!' exclaimed Lily.

'Leave me alone,' sobbed Morgana, turning and running.

Mary waited just long enough to say to Lily, 'That was a horrible thing to do, Lily! Look how upset Morgana is! I suppose you think that's funny – well, it isn't!'

Peering around the breastplate, he watched Lily staring after her friends, her eyes filling with tears of disbelief. As she knelt to pick up her things with shaking hands, he saw her face, and the heartbroken expression pierced him. For a second he hated himself. Lily was too good, too pure, to experience such anguish. He turned away and went to Charms by a different route, telling himself that Lily would be fine. It was unpleasant, but necessary. After all, she had one friend who would never desert her, no matter what the circumstances. She would spend a happy summer with her truest ally, the Half-Blood Prince.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Import-Export

The ceiling of the Great Hall was as grey as the November sky, and breakfast was in full, noisy swing. Severus sat at the end of the table, grumpily eating porridge. He was not a morning person. Overhead, owls flapped their way through back and forth, dropping feathers and hooting to each other. Severus ignored them, irrelevant as they were to him. Now in his fourth year, he'd never yet received one.

So when a particularly large owl with feathered feet and big orange eyes came swooping low along the table, he paid no attention. It was only when it landed beside him with a soft flump, and thrust a big downy foot at him, that he even looked at it. 'Shove off,' he muttered.

The bird pecked his arm, and he rounded on it. He was about to do it some harm, when recognition dawned. Hardly daring to hope, heart beating so fast he thought it would explode, he took the letter from the offered foot. The envelope was addressed to him, in a familiar flowing hand. He turned it over and his stomach flipped over too at the sight of the Malfoy family crest imprinted in the green wax seal. He ripped the envelope open and scrabbled out the contents, a single sheet of thick cream coloured parchment.

_Dear Severus,_

_I hope this letter finds you in good health. I was thinking about you and wondering how things are at Hogwarts just the other day. It would be great fun to catch up on all the news. Perhaps you would be kind enough to join me for a drink in the Hog's Head on the next Hogsmeade weekend?_

_Please respond with date by return owl._

_Yours_

_Lucius_

Severus read it several times, and surreptitiously pinched himself to check he wasn't dreaming. Had Lucius really offered to meet him at Hogsmeade? He hadn't seen or heard from his former friend for well over a year, ever since the older boy left Hogwarts.

As if to remind him of reality, the owl pecked him again. 'All right, all right,' he said, tearing up a piece of bacon and passing it up to the greedy beak. He rummaged in the bag by his feet and found his diary. He wrote back right there, at the breakfast table, not caring that he got bacon grease fingerprints on the cheap parchment of his response.

He had no means of sealing the letter, so he folded it up as small as he could and charmed it shut, before sending it away with the owl. He positively bounced down to Potions, where he was late. The rest of the class were inside and Slughorn was just beginning as he slipped into his customary seat next to Lily. She turned away from exchanging notes with Morgana – the two having made up disappointingly fast after Severus' attempt to ruin their friendship.

'Come along Severus,' said Slughorn mildly. From somewhere behind he heard James Potter resentfully muttering that if anyone else was late, he'd have docked points. Without looking up, Slughorn continued, 'And a point from Gryffindor for talking, Potter. Now; today I want you to produce the antidote to Shrinking Solutions. Turn to page eighty-six please. Please remember to dice the beetles _finely _– that means very small pieces, Mr Pettigrew. No great big lumps. And do take note when it says to remove the cauldron from the heat before adding the daisy roots – I don't want to be supervising anyone scraping the contents of their cauldron off the ceiling.'

The class set to work, Severus as always laid out his ingredients neatly before beginning. He heard Potter behind him make the usual mocking comment, but he ignored him and carefully ignited the flames below his cauldron.

'Why were you late?' asked Lily, who unlike Severus had immediately started cutting up her first ingredient, leaving the rest in a pile. Severus as always tutted and shook his head at this disorganisation.

'Had a letter from Lucius,' he explained, beginning to dismantle his beetles. He fastidiously discarded the wings – in his experience, beetle wings added little to a potion and only increased its volatility.

'He's writing to you?' Lily couldn't quite keep the surprise out of her voice, as she threw her beetles into the cauldron and started hunting for her bottle of armadillo bile.

'He's my friend,' responded Severus, cutting his beetle so finely they were virtually liquefied. 'You know, I reckon pestle 'n' mortaring this lot would be a lot more effective.'

'What did he want?' asked Lily, ignoring Severus' last comment.

'Just to catch up on the news,' replied Severus, in what he hoped was an offhand voice. He made a note in his textbook next to the entry about beetles. 'If the beetles are a paste, and the wings are rid, I reckon you could halve the leech juice, which in turn should give a more effective counteraction of the initial potion and decrease the effective dose.'

'Why can't you just do what the book says, Sev? It always works for me.' Lily casually tossed a handful of lacewings into the cauldron and began to stir.

'Just because something has always worked, isn't a reason not to improve it,' he retorted, setting to work on turning his beetles into a paste. They worked in silence for a while, until both were startled by a dull spluttering thud from behind them. They turned to see a red faced Peter Pettigrew, staring up at the ceiling and wringing his hands. 'What an idiot,' Severus remarked contemptuously, adding a dash of leech juice to his cauldron and watching the result with narrowed eyes as he stirred.

'That's not his fault. Not everyone's as clever as you, Sev,' said Lily sternly, almost knocking over her bottle of newt blood as she reached for something else.

'No one is as clever as me,' he corrected her. 'Except you,' he added hurriedly.

'Well, you should be kinder to those less fortunate, then,' she said haughtily. 'So what does Lucius do these days?'

'Do?' Severus glanced at her, before returning his eyes to his potion.

'You know, for a job?' Her potion was now shimmering an opalescent shade of white.

'Dunno. I don't think Lucius has a _job _exactly.' He realised he was rather vague on what Lucius did do all day.

Lily sniffed. 'Well, I suppose his father's so rich he doesn't need to do any proper work. He'll just sail on through, like he does everything else in life.'

Severus, who was dressed in Lucius' old robes, using Lucius' old book and stirring a potion in Lucius' old cauldron, didn't answer. Instead he gave his mixture another stir, tipping it slightly, before adding a touch more lacewing powder. Lily watched him out of the corner of her eye. 'Why did you do that?' she asked, stirring her own concoction.

'Improve the consistency,' he replied shortly, making another note in the margin of his textbook.

'I don't know how you have the patience, I just sort of throw things in and it always seems to come out right,' said Lily cheerfully.

'Yes, I'd noticed. Trouble is, it only works for you that way. My way is evidenced and replicable.' He smiled and lifted his cauldron off the flames. Slughorn spotted them and bore down, beaming.

'First to finish as usual, Severus!' he boomed. 'Let's see, does it work?' He placed a jar of tadpoles on the desk and removed one to the palm of his hand. He added a single drop of Severus' potion. The tadpole swelled and bulged, becoming a fat and very disgruntled looking frog. It croaked loudly at Severus, who gave a smile that was just a little bit smug. 'Perfect again!' cried Slughorn, adding the frog back to the tank at the front of the class with a flick of his wand. 'Come on now everyone, Severus has set the bar again. Five points to Slytherin.'

'Do you know why I think Snivellus always gets his potions right?' came James Potter's familiar well-cultured voice, once Slughorn had moved off to sort out a smoking cauldron on the other side of the room.

'Do tell,' drawled Sirius Black, whose own cauldron was giving off an acrid smell that didn't bode well for the contents.

'He pays old Sluggy to give him private lessons, all those times he pretends he's at Slug Club. Only we all know Snivelly doesn't have any money, so I'd hate to think _how _he pays him.' Potter spoke just loud enough to be sure that Severus could hear.

'Jealousy is such an ugly sentiment, Potter,' he said, without turning.

'Oh yes, I'm definitely jealous of you, Snape. Who wouldn't want to be ugly, weird and universally disliked – hey, Remus! You OK? Professor!'

Severus wheeled round to look, although not without having his wand ready. Potter had caught him out like that before. But on this occasion it seemed that Lupin really was ill. He had sat down on his stool, ashen faced, with Potter, Black and Pettigrew fussing around him. Slughorn hurried over. 'Are you all right, Lupin? Unwell? You'd better get along to the hospital wing.'

'He's always sick,' muttered Severus to Lily, who was looking concerned. 'Funny how it strikes so conveniently just when he or his friends are about to get another zero.'

'Stop it, Sev, he's really ill. You only need to look at him. Poor Remus – no, don't look at me like that. He's all right, if you get him on his own. It's just Potter and Black that make him act like an idiot sometimes.'

'We'll agree to disagree,' he said acidly, beginning to clean up his work area.

'Remus isn't the only person with bad taste in friends who is all right on his own,' she continued, decanting her own potion into a flask for testing. 'Some of the people you hang around with…'

'Don't change the subject,' he said moodily, wiping off his bench and returning the last bottles to his bag. Severus and Slughorn had a relaxed arrangement whereby he could 'borrow' items from the student store cupboards.

'Well, it's getting worse, Sev. You're always around them these days, in that horrible gang…'

'There's only one horrible gang in Hogwarts, and they're sitting behind us,' he interrupted.

'You're impossible,' said Lily crossly. 'How can you be friends with me, a Muggleborn, and then go and spend time with the likes of Rosier and Avery?'

'What choice do I have?' he muttered back, colour rising in his pale, sunken cheeks. 'What would you have me do? Sit alone in the common room and at meals? Spend every moment in splendid isolation until you deign to have a moment of time to share? It's OK for you to be busy with your friends, but not for me to have equivalent relationships in my own house.'

'I'm not saying that,' replied Lily, also reddening. 'I'm just saying, do you have to choose such horrible people?'

'Who else is there? I don't exactly have a huge pool of Muggle-loving candidates to choose from. Most Slytherins are keen on blood purity, to some degree or another. It doesn't make them bad people. They're certainly better than those idiots behind us.' He fetched out his quill and ink and began copying down the homework question.

Lily softened first. 'I'm sorry, Sev. I don't mean to have double standards. I just don't want to see you getting into trouble. There's so much bad stuff going on, outside of school, I can't bear to think of you ending up…'

'I won't end up in any trouble,' he reassured her. 'The stuff outside school, it's just that – outside. It's nothing to do with us. We're all right, Dumbledore and Slughorn will keep us safe. I don't have to believe in what they say to hang out with them, do I?'

'I suppose not. I know you're not a bloodist.' She didn't sound convinced. 'I just… I don't know Sev, I get worried…'

'You don't have to worry about anything. I'll always defend you. I'll never let anything bad happen to you, I swear.' He looked at her earnestly, black eyes glittering obsessively from between the lank curtains of his fringe.

She laughed a little uncomfortably. 'OK, Sev. I know.' The bell shrilled through the classroom, prompting a rush to pack and head for the door. Lily forced her books into her bag. 'I'll have to run, I've got Charms and I don't want to be late. See you soon, Sev!'

Severus felt the usual sinking sensation – Potions was over and it was now another two days before he and Lily had a joint class. Outside of lessons, they spoke less and less, her spending more time with her girlfriends and he in retaliation getting more involved with the remnants of Lucius' gang. He dragged reluctantly towards the door, falling in behind two gossiping girls.

'… well, she wanted to ask him out, but then she came out in spots. She tried Madam Mitten's Ointment, but it didn't work. So we thought it might be _that time of the month_…'

The words jangled something in Severus' mind and he frowned after the backs of the departing girls. That time of the month… of course, it meant periods and embarrassing girl stuff he'd rather not think about. But there was something else, some connection that his brain had made in a deep recess and he hadn't quite worked into his consciousness.

He wandered along towards Transfiguration, turning it over in his mind. It was only as he arrived at the classroom and joined the back of the line that the penny dropped, causing him to look up and gasp so loudly that several people gave him a curious look. He didn't care. He thought he'd just worked out Remus Lupin's little secret.

The Hog's Head was a disreputable sort of pub, which reminded him of the Bell, his father's favourite drinking haunt. On occasions when he was younger, his mother would send him down to fetch his Dad back for dinner. That was in the days before they both longed for Tobias to stay out for as long as possible. He remembered that same feeling of uncertainty, standing just inside the entrance, letting his eyes accustom to the gloom, with the fug of smoke and beer fumes making him feel light headed.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder and he almost fell to his knees in fear, before he turned and realised it was Lucius, looking resplendent in black and silver robes with his long hair tied back with a black ribbon. Severus suddenly felt awed and shy, and hardly managed to mutter a greeting.

'You've grown taller,' remarked Lucius, steering him in the direction of the bar. 'I'll have a brandy please, and a butterbeer for my young friend.' He gave the barman a charming smile, which was received with a scowl and a grunt.

After Lucius had paid for the drinks he led Severus to a table in the corner, and casually cast some muffling charms around them. Intrigued, Severus watched in silence, waiting for Lucius to continue. The older man sat down at the table and sipped his drink with an expression of satisfaction. 'So, Severus, how are things at Hogwarts?'

He shrugged. 'All right, I suppose.' He hesitated, then whispered, 'Lucius, I think one of the boys in our year might be a werewolf!'

Malfoy laughed. 'Do you now, Severus. Don't you think you're getting a bit old for such games?'

'No, Lucius, I'm serious! He's a boy in Gryffindor, weird looking, he's always sick around full moon…'

Lucius laughed again, and patted Severus' arm. 'They would never let a werewolf into Hogwarts, don't be silly! Creatures like that aren't fit to study magic. And imagine how dangerous it would be for the other students.'

'Dumbledore might. Let in a werewolf, I mean.' He gazed at Lucius' sceptical face, willing his friend to believe him, to not just think him a silly little boy.

'I don't think so,' said Lucius firmly. 'Dumbledore may be a fool in many ways, but even he wouldn't go so far. Imagine if it escaped and ate a precious mudblood!'

Defeated, Severus managed a half-laugh. 'Even a werewolf would turn its nose up at a mudblood,' he said, and was rewarded with a smile from Lucius.

'So, how is Sluggy? Still going along to his little parties?' Lucius sipped his drink again, watching Severus closely over the rim of the glass.

'Yes, but they're not as much fun without you. He's having a soiree in December though, for Christmas, and asking some old Slug Clubbers – are you going to come?' He leaned forward eagerly, almost knocking over his butterbeer.

Malfoy shrugged his shoulders. 'Maybe… I think I remember seeing an invitation. Of course, it's a very busy time of year, lots of social commitments to juggle. Cissy prefers to go to the more glamorous occasions, you know. I don't think a drinks party by some washed up old Professor at one's old school would quite fit the bill.'

Severus sagged, deflated, and took a sip of butterbeer to try and hide his disappointment. The warmth of the liquid did little to dispel the chill of sorrow inside him. 'I invented new spell,' he said, to the drink. 'It makes a person's toenails grow very long in a few seconds. I plan to use it on Potter next time he's strutting out onto the Quidditch pitch.'

'Good for you. Now, Severus,' Lucius spoke more softly, leaning in closer. 'You're probably wondering why I asked you here.'

Severus, who'd been hoping it was because Lucius was his friend and wanted to see him, nodded. Lucius glanced around, despite the muffling spells, before continuing. 'I need some help, you see, from someone I can rely on. Someone I can trust one hundred percent. I thought to myself, who out of all the many people I know, can I trust with my very life? And then the answer came to me; Severus.'

A flush of pride spread over Severus' face. 'Oh yes, you can trust me,' he said eagerly.

'With anything? No matter how dangerous it might be? Even if getting caught helping me might mean you got into a lot of trouble? What I'm going to ask you to do, Severus, is risky. Not extremely risky, if we're careful, but risky nonetheless. Are you prepared to take a risk for me?'

He nodded, feeling like he would sign over his own life if it meant he could remain Lucius' trusted confidant, picked above all of Malfoy's many friends. 'Yes, I am. I swear. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it.'

Lucius sat back, smiling. 'I knew I could rely on you, Severus. You're a bright boy. You'll go far. Of course, it's a shame about the unfortunate circumstances of your birth, but we can put all that behind us. Now, since leaving school, I've become involved in the import-export business.'

Again, Severus nodded, although he had only a vague idea what that actually meant. It sounded impossibly grown up and glamorous, as did everything about Lucius.

'I specialise in certain essential but unusual goods. Goods which might be considered… undesirable by certain quarters of the Ministry. Powerful objects, rare artefacts, which should not be prevented from being used by wizards just because there is a vanishingly tiny chance a few Muggles might get inconvenienced. Substances which a wizard may wish to use in a potion, without wanting to fill in lots of bureaucratic paperwork to prove how good his intentions are. We do live in an over-regulated society, don't you think? '

'I suppose so.' Severus had never given it much thought before.

'You're a talented wizard, Severus. Don't you ever find there are spells you would love to perform, but can't, because they're 'dark' magic? Potions you would love to brew, but aren't allowed because the recipe is in the 'Restricted' section and the ingredients are non-tradeable? Why should talented individuals such as yourself be held back because a moronic few might blow themselves up if they attempted it? I say, let them go ahead, and rid ourselves of their ilk.'

His heart was thundering now, giddy with excitement. 'What do you want me to do?' he asked in a breathless whisper.

'An associate of mine will be bringing some items into Hogsmeade. I need you to collect them, take them into school and hide them for me, until a period of time has elapsed, then return them to my associate in Hogsmeade. Do you think you can do that?'

'Of course. That sounds easy.'

Lucius shook his head. 'Getting into and out of school, unnoticed? Returning with these items concealed about you, keeping them hidden from prying eyes, then going through the whole thing in reverse?'

'Well, maybe not easy, but not impossible. How well do I need to hide them? I mean, are people likely to come looking?' His clever logical mind began clicking through the variables. 'How big are these items?'

'Small and in small numbers, easy enough for one person to carry, though some will be delicate. It's unlikely anyone would search for them at Hogwarts, which is why it's the ideal place. But you would want to guard against any accidental revelation.'

'Can I transfigure them?' Snape had that calculating, happy look on his face when he'd been presented with an interesting puzzle.

'Best not to, you wouldn't want to damage any of them. You can use Disillusionment charms to hide them – you know how to do those now? Good. Now, for getting in and out of school, there's a door on the north side which is rarely locked with anything that _Alohomora _won't shift. It's easy to get to from Slytherin quarters too. I suggest you use that.'

'All right, I will. How will I know when to go?'

Lucius' hard eyes bored into him. 'Are you sure you're up to this, Severus? Think about it carefully, don't just say yes.'

Snape turned over the idea in his mind. He thought of the responsibility, the weight of having such a secret. The pride of helping Lucius. The wonderful feeling of knowing something that nobody else knew. And at once he knew there was no way he could refuse. 'I will do it,' he said, slowly and in as deep a voice as possible, to show how seriously he was taking it. 'When do I meet this associate?'

'I will send a sign – a box of chocolate frogs – on the day in question. You will meet him at one in the morning, in the alley behind this pub. You're unlikely to see anyone but you can never be sure, so be careful. Try not to look like a student. And don't leave school by the main gates, they are charmed. There's a side exit that you can use if you follow that path that leads past the stables. You will need to give a password to my associate, it will be written on the inside of the chocolate box. Severus… if you get caught, I need you to give me your word that you will not mention my name.'

'Of course I won't. I mean, you have my word.'

'Good. Of course, if you should run into such trouble, I will do all I can in my power to assist you, and as you know, my powers are extensive. But that will only work if I am not implicated.' He smiled, showing all his teeth. 'As for payment, well, I'll make sure you are amply rewarded for your trouble.'

Severus, who hadn't even thought about payment, blinked in surprise, and then smiled again. The thought of having some gold of his own was definitely an appealing one. He watched Lucius down the rest of his drink and rise to his feet. 'I should be going, places to go, people to see. See you again soon, Severus.' He held out his hand, encased in a soft dragon skin glove, and Severus shook it. Malfoy left the pub swiftly, and disapparated the second he stepped outside, leaving Severus alone to think over his new career as a smuggler.

'Would you rather be eaten by the giant squid, or smothered by a leviafold?' Severus and Lily were sitting at either end of the deep sill of one of the windows on the east side of the castle, leaning against the thick chilly stone of the castle wall. The summer evening light through the stained glass cast coloured shadows across their faces and clothes.

Lily rolled her eyes. 'Neither,' she said, in a rather bored voice.

'You have to choose one,' Severus persisted.

'No, I don't,' she said with a huffy sigh, raising her book so she didn't have to look at him.

A sick sense of dread settled over his stomach. 'Are you angry with me? What have I done?'

'Oh, I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I really know you at all Severus!' She snapped the book shut suddenly. 'Sometimes you still act like a stupid kid, with your 'getting eaten by the giant squid' nonsense, then others you do things that are really mean and awful.'

'Like what?' he challenged her.

'Like what you did to Lupin and Pettigrew.' She glared at him, and he was suddenly struck by how fine and neat the freckles across her nose were. He was so absorbed he didn't even hear her next sentence.

'Come on, it was Lupin and Pettigrew,' he responded, when he snapped out of his reverie. 'They're fair game. Potter and Black do things like that to people all the time, and Lupin and Pettigrew cheer them on.'

She knew he was right and it was making her crosser. 'What if they have? You can't excuse your own actions just by saying someone else does the same, or something worse! You hate Black and Potter, so why would you want to go round acting like them?'

That one put him at a loss for words, and he spluttered for a moment. 'It's different,' he said eventually. 'It was self-defence.'

'Self-defence?' Her voice rose in pitch and volume. 'They were eating their lunch! They had their backs to you! They hadn't even seen you!'

'It was a pre-emptive strike,' he told her, using a phrase he'd heard Lucius use at some time or other.

She made an exasperated noise, then said, 'I know you're lonely…'

'I'm not lonely!' he snapped. 'I'm fine.'

'If you say so,' she said, and reached out to rub his arm, sending shivers up his spine. 'I worry about you sometimes, Sev. You always look so tired. You'd tell me, wouldn't you, if something bad was wrong?'

'Nothing bad is wrong,' he muttered, wrong-footed by this sudden change in tack. 'I don't always sleep very well, that's all.' Lily didn't know about his nocturnal activities on behalf of Lucius' import-export business, and he was keen to keep it that way. Lily would definitely not approve.

'Have you heard from your Mam at all this year?' she persisted, still using that too-gentle voice.

'I never hear from her during the term, you know that. She won't use owls and I don't want to get Muggle post all the time. She'll be all right,' he added, in an unconvinced tone.

'You know, I was thinking… maybe she and my Mam should get together sometime. I think Mam finds it hard not being able to tell people the truth about me. It might be nice for her to have another person to talk to who knows about magic.' She trailed off, seeing the look on Severus' face. 'What?'

'Look, Lily, Mum's not really the sociable type,' he said. 'She keeps herself to herself, you know. She doesn't like talking about magic, she wants to forget all that. Even I'm not allowed to talk about it at home. I don't think she'd take too kindly to some other Hogwarts mother turning up and trying to have a chat about our Charms results.'

Lily looked hurt, and he felt a surge of frustration at her lack of understanding about his life. Her good, kind intentions just made him feel all the more unworthy and shabby in comparison. Sometimes with Lily, as with Lucius, he felt that that he lived in a completely different world with completely different rules, and that they were just too satisfied with their own lives to even recognise the fact.

Despite that, he felt a swoop of disappointment as she began to gather up her books. 'Well, I ought to go. You're coming to Sluggy's end-of-term bash?'

He grimaced. 'If I can get my dress robes to fit.' Much as he enjoyed Slug Club, the dressing up part was one aspect he had never got used to.

'You can always come to me if you get stuck, I'm a whizz at Extending Charms. You shall go to the ball, Cinderella!' She squealed as he made to chase her. 'See you on Saturday!'

Sighing deeply, he returned to the windowsill. He was tired, it was true. There had been two extra deliveries that month which meant more disturbed nights sneaking in and out of the school, plus the worry of finding extra space to hide the contraband. Even so, it gave him a thrill, getting into and out of the castle without detection, knowing that no one even as much as suspected what he was up to. He'd always been well suited to lurking and creeping, and now he had subterfuge off to fine art.

Being out and about at night had also brought him to the interesting realisation that he was not the only person wandering the castle after hours. On several occasions he'd heard the familiar voices of Potter and his gang, though he'd never actually seen them. Knowing that they were sneaking about at night made him even more convinced that they were up to something big – and he was certain that the secret was to do with Lupin's lycanthropy.

Lily had reacted in much the same way as Lucius had when he suggested it to her; laughing it away. Of course, she didn't really understand about werewolves, and had pointed out that Lupin was thin and weedy and about the least fierce person she could imagine, with the possible exception of Pettigrew. But Severus was absolutely convinced. He'd started keeping a diary of Lupin's 'funny turns' and absences from class, plotting them against the phases of the moon.

Whereas once he'd gone out of his way to avoid Potter's crew, he now hung around near them, following them and eavesdropping. Whilst they never directly incriminated themselves, he had managed to glean some useful information, and on several occasions had tipped off Filch about their plans. He'd thoroughly enjoyed seeing the smug Gryffindors being dealt out detentions and docked points, although to his immense irritation it didn't seem to stop everyone thinking how wonderful they were.

Potter's talent at Quidditch meant he was now the top scorer on the Gryffindor team, and a sure-thing to make captain the following year. To make matters worse, Black had also joined the team. The two strutted around the school, heads high, grinning arrogantly. Their arrival was usually greeted by much giggling and blushing from any girls present, so their progress along a corridor was accompanied by a kind of Mexican wave of excitement. People had started making huge banners with Potter's face on in the run up to Quidditch matches. It was like Severus' vision of hell.

As he prepared to return to the common room, he comforted himself with the thought that the Gryffindors' popularity would only make their eventual fall from grace even bigger and more painful. There was no question in his mind that they would fall from grace, because he had already determined it would. And when Severus Snape set out to do something, he did it properly. Potter and Black would one day be sorry they'd crossed the Half-Blood Prince.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - The Dog and the Toad

It was a dark night, the moon covered by cloud, and Severus pulled his cloak around him. He was sixteen in two months' time and had gone from small and weedy to tall and weedy almost overnight. He'd been glad of his cut from the import-export business to buy new clothes, including this new cloak. He didn't wear his brooch, just in case he was spotted, but the cloak was very warm anyway. He cast another careful look around him, before continuing across an open area of the grounds. Gaining the relative shelter of a small group of trees, he paused again. He heard a distant dog barking, followed by what sounded like hoofs. He continued cautiously.

Over a year had passed since Lucius had met him in the Hog's Head and invited Severus to help with his latest scheme. Since that time, the young Slytherin had become adept at creeping into and out of school at night. The grounds were vast and the boundaries often not more than a few bushes to demarcate the end of Hogwarts' land. Whilst inside the castle, being found out of bed after curfew was frowned upon, there seemed to be little in the way of obstacles to prevent a student getting out of the castle and further afield. Nevertheless, he took care not to become blase.

The world outside of Hogwarts seemed to become a more dangerous place every day. The Death Eaters had now taken responsibility for several killings of prominent Muggle-rights activists, and reports of baiting, torturing and even killing of Muggles by wizards had become a regular occurrence. But all that seemed remote, unreal, as life within the castle continued in much the way it always had.

Hogsmeade was quiet, even the pubs had closed. There were no lights in the windows of the houses he passed. He slipped into the alleyway and stood in the shadows, waiting. It was a few minutes before a soft 'pop' announced the arrival of his contact. He remained still, wand in his hand as he watched the newcomer get his bearings. A wizard in a cloak with a deep hood, Severus had never seen his face and would not have known if he'd passed him in the street. Which was presumably the intention.

He felt satisfied to realise that the man had not spotted him. When he stepped forwards, his contact jumped visibly, and his voice was higher than usual as he said, 'Your pardon, sir. Is this Honeycomb Lane?'

'No, it's Merlin's Passage,' replied Severus, as instructed by Malfoy's chocolate box message.

The man stepped forwards straight away and removed a package from under his cloak, in one smooth movement he'd pushed it into Severus' hands, and it was stowed into an inner pocket of the kelpie-fur cloak. The whole thing took less than a second. 'I must have misjudged the distance,' said the stranger, 'thank you sir and good night.' And he was gone with a swish of his cloak and another hollow pop.

Alone again, Severus followed the alley and emerged with caution from the other end. He returned to school via a different route, the incriminating package weighing down his cloak. They had started to step up security around the castle and he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to get in and out. The students had been lectured at length about security precautions and advised to attend Hogsmeade only in pairs or more – which effectively banned Severus from going. Not that he cared. He had no love of shopping, and was quite happy to see the village only by night.

He was able to extinguish his wand in the grounds as the lake was reflecting the pale moonlight, providing enough light to see by. As he passed around the north end of the lake on his circuitous route back, a movement caught his eye. Sitting on the bank fifty metres or so ahead was a big black dog, a creature so large and hairy that for a moment he thought it was a bear. He slowed, eyeing it uncertainly. The dog was staring at him with an appraising look that he found rather disturbing.

After an uneasy stand-off, the dog finally looked away and, very slowly and deliberately, began to lick its balls. There was something about the gesture which seemed calculated, as though it was trying to insult him. '_Don't be an idiot, it's just a stupid dog,' _he told himself.

Nevertheless he was glad when he got past it without incident, and kept glancing over his shoulder once it was behind him. When he reached the top of the slope, he looked back once more. The dog was sitting in the same spot, looking straight at him with its big pink tongue lolling out of its mouth. He couldn't shake off the notion it was laughing at him.

The encounter with the dog left Severus feeling spooked, despite himself. Even the following morning he felt nervy and out of sorts. He was almost late for Transfiguration, arriving at just the same moment as Potter, Black and Pettigrew. They looked as tired as he did, and were in the midst of a rather heated discussion. 'It was too close,' Pettigrew was saying. 'Moony's going to go mental when he's back.'

'Will you relax? It was all fine, pretty funny actually,' said Black, flipping his fringe out of his eyes , which narrowed as they alighted on Severus. 'All right, Snivelly?'

Severus answered with a rude gesture and ducked into the classroom before they could retaliate. He slid into his place next to Lily, under the disapproving gaze of Professor McGonagall. 'Another thirty seconds and you would have officially been tardy,' she informed them. 'Turn to page eighty-three of your books. I will be bringing round some mice, I would like you all to turn them into balls of string.'

Exhausted and overwrought, he found it hard to concentrate. His mouse kept escaping to Lily's side of the desk. 'What is the matter with you?' she whispered, returning the mouse once again. She had a ball of string on the desk in front of her, although it still had paws, ears and whiskers.

'Nothing.' He glanced towards the back of the room, where to his intense annoyance Potter, Black and even Pettigrew had successfully completed the task. The Gryffindor boys were infuriatingly good at Transfiguration. 'I see Lupin's off sick again.'

'Is he,' said Lily, in an unfriendly voice.

'Night after full moon,' pointed out Severus.

'Lots of illnesses follow the phases of the moon, it doesn't mean anything.' She headed off Severus' mouse, which was making another bid for freedom. 'Now will you stop gazing at those idiots and concentrate on keeping your mouse in check?' she snapped.

At the end of the lesson Severus still hadn't succeeded in transfiguring more than the mouse's tail. The rodent sat on his desk, looking at its new appendage with disgust. McGonagall sniffed disparagingly and gave him extra homework. 'Maybe that will encourage you to concentrate,' she said tartly. Lily gave him what was probably meant to be a sympathetic look, and he couldn't help but soften a bit in response.

He tried to leave quickly, but Potter was ready, and pounced as soon as Severus left the classroom. 'Ah, Snivelly,' he began, in a mock kind voice, raised just loud enough for everyone to hear. All down the corridor students began to stop and pretend to tie shoelaces, or even just stare openly. Potter and Snape's fights were something of a spectator sport in Hogwarts. 'Did you have trouble with your Transfiguration? Shame, you could have done with some string, to hold your tatty old robes together.'

'I'd rather have tatty robes and more than five brain cells to rub together, than to go round dressed up like Mummy's little dolly,' he spat. 'Did she sew that little name tag in herself, Potter? I expect that's for when you forget what it is.'

But Severus had made a fundamental mistake – in focussing on Potter, he'd allowed Black to slip round behind him. Now he suddenly felt someone grab him by the robes. His hand went for his wand, but Potter was ready with a body bind. 'Well, let's have a look, shall we? Snivelly's clothes have belonged to so many people before him, there are probably a dozen name tags in here.' Black began to pretend to read. 'Suzy Shrinkwater – ah, are you wearing girl's robes, Snivelly? Flatulus Fart-Blaster – I wondered what that smell was. Ooh, and this one's so old it seems to predate the modern alphabet!'

'Oh for goodness sake, won't you _grow up _Black?' said Lily sharply. She was just outside of Severus' line of sight, but he could imagine her, tossing her hair impatiently. 'It's not even funny.'

'All these people beg to differ,' said Sirius lazily. Severus could just imagine the smirks and giggles around them.

'Then they're just as moronic as you.' Lily's comments caused a gasp and slight ripple of indignation, which she ignored. '_Finite incantatem!_' she added, and Severus slumped as the body bind lifted.

Quick as a flash, he grabbed his wand and shouted, '_Scrofulus!_' His wand jerked with the force of the hex, and a moment later Potter's big self-satisfied face broke out in nasty fungal-looking lesions. He felt Black tighten his grip and a moment later his wand was snatched from his hand.

'No, leave him!' said Potter, as Black presumably readied himself to perform some sort of curse. The hideous patches were distorting his face, making the usually smooth features take on a malevolent, sinister look. 'All right, Snivelly, you want to play dirty, we'll see just how good my transfiguration is, shall we? You know, no matter how many stupid dark curses you know, it'll never change the fact that you're a stinking little toad.' With the last word, Potter raised his wand, his eyes narrowed with spite or concentration. He saw Pettigrew's eyes widen and him take half a step forward, as though to stop his friend…

And then suddenly he was looking up at a forest of legs. Upper bodies weren't even visible. A world of shoes and ankles blocked his vision. His skin felt clammy and his breathing wheezy, as though his lungs were under great weights. Panic gripped him, and he tried to run, but his body wouldn't obey. The next moment, a foot caught him full in the face, knocking the sense out of him and lifting him into the air. He thudded into the ground a moment later and pain surged through him. There was a loud noise, an incoherent rumbling from above him. He struggled feebly, trying to haul his low slung body away, somewhere dark and damp…

Then the world jerked as a pair of hands closed around him and lifted him up, black Hogwarts robes blurring past his face until he stopped. He saw red, a shimmering curtain of red, and realised it was hair. Lily's hair. Her hands were cupped around him, protecting him. She held him to her breast. He could feel the beat of her heart through the robes. Suddenly he was calm. He would quite happily stay there forever. Her hands gripped him firmly but gently, a finger soothing the back of his head. He rode the rise and swell of her chest as she breathed, felt the vibration of her vocal cords as she spoke.

But now she was bending down, and a moment later he'd been placed back on the floor. After the warmth and closeness of Lily he felt impossibly cold and alone. The next moment, there was a rushing sensation, and he was a boy again, laid out on the floor. For a moment or two he lay still, stunned, mentally checking out his limbs. His face hurt a lot, his whole nose throbbing as though it might fall off at any moment. He rather hoped that it did. Through a fog of pain, he could hear voices above him.

'-incredibly dangerous and foolish thing to do! Appalling behaviour, and from a Gryffindor! You shouldn't even be attempting human transfiguration, it's very lucky you didn't kill him!' That was McGonagall, in a towering rage.

'He provoked me!' And that plummy voice was unmistakably Potter.

'I don't care if he danced naked through the corridors! You are in detention for a week and if I ever, _ever_ see you use transfiguration on a human being again outside of classes, you can pack your bag and get out of Hogwarts!'

Another voice, nearer to him, softer and more welcome. 'Sev? Sev are you OK? Come on, wake up. Please wake up.'

'He's faking it!' came Black's voice, though a little wobble betrayed the fear that maybe he wasn't.

Lily's hand grazed his forehead, pushing the hair back. 'Look at him,' she said, tearfully. Then louder, 'You'll pay for this Potter! Look what you've done to him.'

'What about what he did to me?'

'A few things on your face? Come off it, they actually improved your stupid mug. Covered up the acne. Whereas you…' Words appeared to fail Lily for a moment. '_Kicking _him! Actually kicking him!'

'That was an accident, I never meant to – everyone was crowding round, pushing… I really didn't mean to, Evans, honest.' Potter had his earnest, heartfelt voice on now. Severus felt a red surge of hatred. He really couldn't think of another person in the world whom he loathed as much as James Potter. The anger made his head go muzzy, and everything seemed blurred.

He next regained his senses properly in the hospital wing. He found himself looking at Lily. She was sitting beside his bed, staring across the ward – presumably out of the window. He watched her face, the way the light from the window shone through her eyes, turning them into different shades of green. He noticed every freckle on her nose. A little spot on her chin. Her lips looked dry. The line of her jawbone was like that of a statue, he thought, some elegant thing in a famous museum.

She turned her head suddenly, as if alarmed. Perhaps some sixth sense had alerted her to his gaze. Her face lit up when she saw him, that beautiful smile that was better than any single aspect of her face. 'Severus! Are you all right? How are you feeling?'

'Rubbish,' he said, in the feeblest voice he could manage, though in truth he felt no worse than he did any morning.

'Oh Sev, I was really worried! Do you remember what happened? Potter turned you into a toad, and then everyone was milling round, and you got kicked…'

'Potter kicked me,' he corrected her. 'He did it on purpose.'

She bit her lip. 'I think it actually was an accident – honestly, everyone was so amazed that they all sort of crowded in. He really did look sorry – you should have seen his face when he realised you weren't faking it and really had passed out.'

'He was hardly going to act jubilant in front of McGonagall,' said Severus dismissively.

Lily sighed. 'He's an idiot, Sev, and a stupid bully. But he's got his comeuppance this time. He shouldn't have transfigured you, and he's got in a hell of a lot of trouble.'

'Yeah right, detention means nothing to him. He's probably down in the Great Hall now, grinning all over his stupid smug face…'

'No, he definitely won't be!' Lily's face lit up again with a devilish grin. 'McGonagall's refused to let him get his face changed back! Madam Pomfrey and the other teachers are under strict instructions. He looks hideous!'

'He always looks hideous.' But he couldn't help but smile despite himself. Potter, who thought himself very handsome, would undoubtedly be more traumatised by a disfiguring skin condition than he would any number of detentions. He touched his own face, which seemed remarkably intact.

'Madam Pomfrey healed it all,' said Lily, seeing his action. 'She said being a toad probably protected you – apparently they're a bit more squishy than people.'

'Hmmm… lucky me,' he said, unconvinced. He was in no hurry to be a toad ever again. Then a thought crossed his mind and he looked around the hospital wing. 'Hey, have you noticed – there's only us in here. No sign of Lupin. Funny, when he's supposed to be so sick.'

A look of deep exasperation crossed Lily's face. 'For goodness sake, Sev, can't you stop thinking about Lupin for one minute? You're obsessed!'

'If he's a werewolf he's a danger to us all! You've studied them, you know what they're like. He sleeps in the same house quarters as you. And I won't be there to protect you…'

'I don't need protecting, I can protect myself! Anyway, if he is a werewolf, he's been here for four years and he hasn't escaped and bitten anyone yet.'

'That we know of,' Severus corrected her.

She stood up, arms folded. 'You're impossible when you're in this mood! The next thing you'll be telling me Potter, Black and Pettigrew are all secret werewolves too. Perhaps Lupin bit them all while they slept. In fact, if anyone was going to be at risk if Lupin was a werewolf, it would be those three – I'd have thought you'd be cheering him on.' She turned on her heel and flounced out.

Defeated and cross, he lay back on his pillows and stared up at the ceiling. Lily's attitude just made him all the more determined to prove he was right.

At the next Transfiguration lesson, McGonagall made Potter apologise to Severus. To Severus' disappointment, the skin lesions had nearly all cleared up, but the look of angry humiliation on Potter's face was better than even the fungal patches. 'Sorry, Severus,' he mumbled, looking like he wished he could vanish on the spot.

Severus stared at Potter, enjoying his enemy's humiliation to the full, before curling his lip and sitting down. McGonagall said, 'It would be gracious to accept the apology, Snape.'

'I'm sure it would be gracious, Professor,' he replied. McGonagall did not look pleased, but she couldn't make him accept, so she sent Potter back to his desk. The furious look Potter gave him promised that this was not over yet.

Once again, Severus struggled with his transfiguration. OWLS were looming and the better Potter and his friends became, the harder Severus seemed to find it. The tortoise on his desk refused to become a pot plant no matter how hard he tried. Still, at least it stayed put. At the end of the class he handed the very much tortoise shaped tortoise back to McGonagall, who asked him to remain behind. Potter and Black sniggered loudly at this on the way out. Pettigrew, whose own flourishing pot plant sat mockingly on the desk, was particularly triumphant. 'Ah, poor little Snivelly can't do it,' he gloated loudly as the Gryffindors left the room.

Hands clenched into fists, Severus struggled to keep his temper in front of McGonagall. He thought of all the times Lucius had lectured him to keep calm. But Lucius himself was capable of fits of rage if sufficiently pushed. The stern Transfiguration teacher indicated for him to sit down. He did so reluctantly. 'You seem to be struggling, Snape. Is anything troubling you?'

'No, Professor,' he muttered.

'I've noticed that you appear to be tired. Distracted. I am concerned, Severus. You are a very bright boy. This is a crucial year, with exams coming up. I don't want to see you throw your talent away. I know Professor Slughorn would agree.'

'I'm not throwing anything away,' he said, now feeling like Potter must have done during the apology. 'I've just found transfiguration hard for a couple of weeks. It's fine. I'll practise; I'll be able to do them by next week.'

'You take three elective subjects, don't you?' He nodded, and she continued, 'It wouldn't be the first time an intelligent student such as yourself overstretched himself. It's a slippery slope, Severus. You start sitting up all night studying, and the next day you are so tired you can't function in class. You end up doing yourself a disservice.' She gave a rare smile. 'It's not often I say this, but perhaps you should take things a little easier.'

Amazed by this assessment, but glad McGonagall hadn't guessed the real reason for his tiredness, Severus nodded. 'Thanks, Professor, I'll do my best.'

'More Muggleborns have been found dead,' said Lily, as she and Severus walked through the grounds towards Hogsmeade. He'd managed to persuade her to go with him for once, pleading that he wouldn't be allowed to go without her as a pair. Birds were singing, and the grass was dotted with spring flowers. It was beautiful. If only nice weather didn't also mean the ever closer prospect of exams.

'Can't we talk about something cheerful?' he asked.

'The Death Eaters have claimed responsibility,' she continued, as though he hadn't spoken. 'But no one ever seems to catch any of them. People seem to be really scared. Morgana says her parents won't even go to Diagon Alley anymore, they think it's too dangerous.'

'But Morgana's pureblood, isn't she?' he asked, with a touch of impatience.

'So? If you get caught in the crossfire, it doesn't matter what your blood status is. I'm going to get my books for next year by owl order, I can't risk taking my parents there now. Have you decided what subject's you'll do for NEWT yet?'

'The 'big five' probably, though I might do Arithmancy instead of Transfiguration. I don't know what I want to be yet, so I'd better keep my options open. What about you?'

'The same, except I'll do Transfiguration for sure. Arithmancy makes my brain hurt too much, and Transfiguration is quite fun. We get to learn human transfiguration in sixth year as well, we might even be able to turn ourselves into animals – how amazing would that be!'

'Unlikely,' he sniffed. 'There's only been six Animagi this century, I looked at the register.'

'I don't mean Animagus transformations, I mean ordinary animal transfiguration – done with a wand and a spell. Animagi can change at will, without a wand or spell, but always take the same form…'

'I know what the definition of an Animagus is,' he said sharply.

'Fine!' They walked in silence for a bit.

Perhaps feeling guilty, he asked, 'Supposing you could be an Animagus and pick your form. What would it be?'

She gave it careful thought. 'I'd love to be a dolphin, able to leap through the water. But it wouldn't be very practical, unless I jumped into the lake before I changed. A bird would be good too. Maybe an owl. What would yours be?'

'I'd like to be able to fly, but not an owl. An eagle, maybe.'

'Or a bat,' she suggested, ducking away from his playful shove. They chased along the path a few paces, laughing. Once they'd got their breath back, she said, 'Morgana's very low at the moment. Did you hear she split up with Gary Whingle?'

'My ears tend to block out information I don't give a damn about. Oh come on, don't look at me like that. Every time I go near Morgana she treats me like something she's just stepped in. And Gary Whingle is a total idiot anyway. What is it about Quidditch players that makes everyone impervious to their faults?'

She ignored this last. 'I keep telling her it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'

'Well, that's clearly nonsense,' he said at once.

'Of course it's not nonsense! It's wonderful to have loved. What would be the point of life if you hadn't ever loved?' She looked very misty eyed.

'It might be wonderful to love, but even worse to have it taken away. You don't miss what you don't know. If you've never loved at all, you won't get hurt. You might never know how wonderful love is, but you won't know how bloody awful it is either.' He said the last part with real feeling.

'That's such a gloomy view, Sev. It makes me sad when you say things like that. If you went through life not loving people just in case you got hurt, you'd be a very closed up, miserable person. I'd rather have just a few days of love than a lifetime of that.' She suddenly slipped her arm through his and pulled him close. 'You'll find someone to fall in love with, Sev, I promise.'

Reddening and flustered, finding it hard to breathe with her scent so close to him, he blurted out, 'I invented a new spell.' His voice was a little higher than normal.

Surprised at this change of topic, Lily disentangled herself from him. 'Really?'

'Yeah. It's a secret, really, but I'll tell you. It's a non-verbal spell, and it picks someone up by their ankle, very fast, and hoists them in the air. It doesn't hurt them – I took ages getting it just right so they levitate high enough not to bang their heads on the ground when they flip. It's brilliant – totally takes people by surprise.'

'I suppose you're planning to use it on Potter and company at some point,' she said, with a roll of the eyes. 'Go on then, tell me how to do it. I can't do non-verbal spells yet though.'

Severus, who had practiced hard to master non-verbal incantations as part of duelling club, smiled smugly. 'It works best non-verbally, then it has a total element of surprise. The word is _Levicorpus! _You have to sort of twitch your wand, to the right and up – but not too much. Not a great big wave. Subtle, you see.' He showed her the motion. 'A bit like _mobilius _spells, but even less so.'

She practiced the motion several times, then without warning Severus was suddenly whipped into the air, his left leg leading the way, the rest of him flipping over so he dangled upside down. His robes fell over his head, hiding his red, astonished face. Lily, half horrified and half delighted, took a moment to get her breath back. 'What's the counter curse?' she asked, trying not to laugh.

'_Liberacorpus_,' came Severus' muffled and furious voice from inside his robes.

She cast it, and he flumped to the ground in an ungainly heap. Disentangling himself from his robes, he looked up at her. 'It's just as well you're my best friend,' he said, shaking his head.

'I did it though, Sev! First time I've got a non-verbal to work.' She was staring at her wand as though only now realising its powers. 'It must be a really good spell, to be that easy to learn.' She held out a hand and helped him up, dusting off his robes.

'It probably is,' said Severus, smiling now. 'Anyway, you can use it to defend yourself now, if you ever need to. Just make sure you keep it a secret. Once lots of people know how to do it, it loses its effect.'

'Give over, Sev,' she said, linking arms with him again. 'You know you can trust me.'


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 – The Prank

The fifth year flew by, with every day bringing the spectre of exams closer. Severus lived by the phases of the moon, observing Lupin's absences. The Gryffindors, still arrogant and revolting as ever, had become a little more wary of Severus' snooping. Nevertheless with the help of his eavesdropping enhancement spell, which he'd finally got round to inventing, he was often able to pick up surprising amounts of their conversations.

In fact his eavesdropping on Potter's gang wasn't a lot different to his relationship with the older Slytherins. Rosier and his group were in the seventh year now, and Severus hung around on their periphery, tolerated but not welcomed, listening but rarely listened to. His only slight kudos came from his reputation as an expert on dark magic, which he carefully cultivated, aware of the status it gave him.

His determination to get to the bottom of what Potter's gang were up to was unchanged. The snatches of their conversation that he managed to pick up hinted at some tantalising secret which he couldn't quite work out. Lupin was a werewolf, that much he knew as surely as he knew his own name, but there was something else. He heard mutterings about preparations, something they were getting ready, working on, something that had to be kept secret.

The last Quidditch match of the season was between Gryffindor and Slytherin. The timing was bad, having been postponed due to late snow, so it took place the first weekend after Easter and only two weeks before the exams. It was also the day before full moon. The Great Hall at breakfast was decked out like a scene from Severus' nightmares, with huge banners of Potter leering from every wall.

Potter himself entered the hall shortly after Severus had taken his place on the Slytherin table. He was accompanied by an entourage of hangers on, his arrogant face bearing a smirk like a Cheshire cat. A half cheer went up as he entered and some girls began a chant of 'Potter, Potter, Gryffs love Potter, no other Chaser could be hotter.' Potter preened and ruffled his hair, before sitting down to a mountain of cooked breakfast.

A noise of disgust from the other side of the table provided a welcome distraction, and Severus looked round to see Regulus Black. He was dressed in green robes, having joined the Slytherin team that year, and looking almost as green in the face. A single piece of dry toast lay uneaten before him. 'Stupid arrogant tosser, thinks he's so great. I wish I was a Beater, I'd send a Bludger right into his big smug face.'

'You'd have to join a queue,' replied Severus, adding, 'Drink water with honey and sugar in, that's what Lucius used to do. He could never bear to eat before a game.' He reached out and poured a glass of water, measuring out just the right amount of sugar and stirring in some sticky honey.

'Thanks,' said Regulus, taking the concoction and sipping uncertainly. 'Hey, it's not bad!' He returned his gaze to Potter. 'I hate all the Gryffindunces, but with Potter it's personal.'

This interested Severus, though he took care not to look too eager. 'Really? How come?'

'He split my family up,' announced Regulus, melodramatically. 'Led my brother astray, got him Sorted into Gryffindor, then poisoned his mind with all this Muggle-loving crap. Sirius had a huge row with Mater and Pater at Easter, going on about how mudbloods are our equals, and then stormed off. Next thing we know, he's moved in with those Potters. Playing happy families with the blood traitorous pondslime. So he's been disinherited, blasted off the family tree. Officially he's not even my brother anymore. Good riddance,' he added. 'Anyway, as if there wasn't enough pressure, Father's coming to watch me play.' He gulped and put down his glass.

Severus kept an eye out for Mr Black at the game, and identified him soon enough up in the top box with the teachers. He was a very wealthy looking man, his dark hair dotted with grey, his gloved hands holding a pair of jewelled binoculars. Further round the stands, he spotted Lily, sitting with her friends. She'd painted her face red and gold and was waving a Gryffindor pennant. At least it wasn't a Potter banner. Behind her, Remus Lupin, looking like a reanimated corpse, was huddled in his cloak next to Pettigrew, whose chubby face was animated with excitement.

The game was a good one, although it featured far too much of Potter scoring and getting cheered for Severus' liking. Regulus was flying well despite his nerves, almost getting the Snitch early on, until he got knocked off course by a Bludger and lost it again. The teams matched each other goal for goal, the Slytherins putting up a good fight despite being a weaker team. Two hours in, there was an incident between the Black no-longer-brothers.

Regulus was near the centre of the pitch, low for a Seeker, scanning the pitch. The knot of players around the Quaffle was moving up the left side. His eyes on Regulus, Severus saw a Bludger hurtle towards him. Reg, intent on his search for the Snitch, didn't see it coming. The back of his neck as he leant forwards on his broom looked impossibly vulnerable, right in the Bludger's path. Then a red robed figure shot up from the left, Beater's bat extended, and thumped the ball away just in time. Severus caught a glimpse of long black hair before Sirius dived back into the fray, leaving Reg looking dizzy and shocked, spiralling upwards out of harm's way.

By three hours, the crowd were starting to get hoarse and the players slower. There was a tussle between Potter and Ramirez for the Quaffle, which the powerfully built Slytherin managed to win. The Slytherin crowd went wild. If Ramirez would score it would put them forty points ahead, enough to win the cup. As he sped away down the pitch, two blurs of red hot on his tail, it seemed like they might be in with a chance.

But a player rose up to meet them, between the goal keeper and the fast approaching chasers, dressed in red. Severus' heart sank as he saw it was Black, and he was Bludger-baiting – keeping the Bludger close, controlling it until he was in striking distance. Ramirez saw him and tried a swerve, but Black was ideally placed whichever goalhoop Ramirez went for. It was likely watching a scene in slow motion, Ramirez hurtling forwards, unable to slow up without being caught by Potter, and Black hovering, jabbing at the ball to keep it in the air, waiting like a spider in its web.

Then, just as Black drew back his bat to strike, he was struck by a green object that dropped from the sky above to hit him squarely on the back. The bat flew out of his hand with the shock of the collision, and the force with which the Slytherin player hit him pushed both down out of the line of play. Seconds later Ramirez, sensing an opportunity, had hurled the Quaffle through the goalhoop, just before Hooch's shrill whistle.

The two players who'd collided were on the ground, arguing with Madam Hooch. The Slytherin who'd divebombed Sirius was, as Severus had suspected, Regulus. The two no-longer-brothers were apparently in the midst of a vicious argument. Loud boos from the Gryffindor end of the stadium spoiled the earlier party atmosphere, and even the commentator – a Ravenclaw – was ranting about 'blatant blatching from the Slytherin Seeker.' Eventually the game restarted, with Gryffindor given a free pass, and shortly afterwards the Gryffindor Seeker grabbed the Snitch, which Regulus didn't seem to have even seen.

Dinner that night was insufferable, with Potter showboating loudly to all around. Severus went to bed early in disgust. He spent the following day mooching sullenly around the castle, trying to locate Potter's gang. He knew they'd be planning something for that night. Whatever it was, they favoured full moon. He'd begun to wonder if they were up to something similar to him, smuggling contraband in and out of school. Moonlight certainly made it easier to sneak around outside, and perhaps Lupin the werewolf provided a way for them to access the wider world. Maybe one of them accompanied him to the containment centre, collecting or dropping off on the way.

But Potter's gang kept a low profile, and eventually he gave up and finished off the DADA essay due on Tuesday. He sat hunched over his shepherd's pie at dinner, covertly watching Lily with her friends across the hall. He knew and loved every movement she made, every little gesture, each smile and frown and touch. He saw her leave the hall with Mary and Morgana in tow, apparently heading outside. He pushed aside the rest of his jam roly-poly and followed them.

It was a warm evening, with a golden light. He could see Lily across the grounds, heading towards the owlery. She stopped to skip a stone across the flat waters of the lake, which was promptly caught by the giant squid. Smiling at her shriek, which carried all across the grounds, he watched until she disappeared from view. Turning away, another pair of figures caught his eye, and he stopped and stared.

Remus Lupin was walking across the grounds, his tatty cloak around him, accompanied by Madam Pomfrey. But he wasn't heading for Hogsmeade, rather towards the Forbidden Forest. Surely they didn't just let it roam wild out there? Or maybe they did. Perhaps that was it. The Forest was full of rare magical creatures, or so they said. Acromantulas and unicorns, bicorns and bugbears. Dangerous or elusive creatures, and rich sources of very valuable potions ingredients. Humans approaching them in order to harvest their spoils would have a hard time, but a werewolf… maybe a werewolf could do it.

The more he thought about it, the more he thought that that must be it. Lupin attacked the creatures, then Potter and company harvested what they needed once the werewolf had moved on. It was easy enough to hide contraband in Hogwarts, if you were careful enough – he ought to know. The thought that Potter's gang might be playing his own game made his blood run cold. The deception that had made him feel so powerful could just be added to the list of things Potter had ruined for him.

Some sixth sense made him turn, to find Sirius Black behind him, folding up a large and slightly dog-eared piece of parchment. Severus looked instinctively for Potter, but to his amazement Black was alone. The aristocratic Gryffindor gave him a disparaging look. 'Snivelly,' he said, sounding more bored than mocking.

'I've just seen your weird friend off on an assignation with Madam Pomfrey,' replied Severus without preamble. He glanced up at the sky, 'I hope Pomfrey makes it back before the moon rises.'

Black's face tensed – for once he looked really rattled. 'You miserable little git, don't you ever get tired of sneaking round trying to ruin everyone else's fun?'

'I won't be tired until you and your friends have got what's coming to you.'

Trying to affect his usual casual manner, Black said, 'Are you trying to threaten me, Snivelly?'

'No, I'm succeeding in threatening you. I know all about what you're up to, Black; you and Potter and the werewolf.' He enjoyed the way Black's eyes widened when he said the word. 'I know everything.'

'Why don't you just run to Dumbledore and tell him then? You might find he's not surprised.'

'Oh, I will, when the time's right. And whilst I assume the whole werewolf thing is done with his blessing, we both know there's more to it than that. I very much doubt he knows about your illegal activities.'

'I don't know what you're talking about,' said Black, but he looked and sounded wrong-footed. Severus revelled in this unusual state of affairs.

'We both know that you do. I could go at any moment, tell him what's been going on. Then it's back home to Mummy – oh, except Mummy's thrown you out, hasn't she? Perhaps Mr and Mrs Potter will let you and Potter carry on living with them indefinitely – you won't be able to get a job, after all. Or perhaps they'll be so upset about you leading precious little Jamesy astray that they'll boot you out of their lives for good.'

'You evil little bastard,' whispered Black. 'Why d'you have to be here, messing everything up? You're the worst sort of person, bitter and twisted and just plain nasty. You just can't stand it because we've got friends when you've got no one. And because your little pretend-girlfriend likes Potter better than you.'

'She does not!' shouted Severus, before he could stop himself.

Black snorted derisively. 'Take a look at her when she's next around him. You'll see. You've already seen. You just can't take it. She's never going to fancy a nasty greaseball like you, even if she's too kind to tell you to shove off. She's way out of your league.'

Seeing red, he launched himself at Black, forgetting even his wand, grabbing for the throat. The two boys fell to the ground, grappling with each other. Severus, with the advantage of surprise, managed to get a good grip around Black's neck. The boy choked, going red in the face. He spluttered incoherent words, real panic coming into his eyes. 'Listen, listen,' he rasped.

Severus ignored him. He was in a kind of blind ecstasy. He was quite prepared to see this through, to squeeze and squeeze… Then Black kneed him painfully between the legs, snapping out of his reverie and causing him to loosen his grip. Just about managing to pin the weakened Black down, he grabbed the boy's wand out of his pocket and held it up along with his own. Black, helpless, stared up at him. 'Listen,' Black said again, his voice hoarse. 'You want to know the big secret? You want to find it all out? Let me go, and I'll tell you.'

'A likely story,' he spat.

'You have my wand. There's no one about. You've got the upper hand. Let me up, and I'll tell you.'

Knowing he couldn't keep Black down much longer, he jumped back, holding both wands as far from the other boy as possible. 'Go on then. Tell me.'

'The Whomping Willow. Go to the Whomping Willow tonight. There's a knot at the base of the trunk – look, and you'll see it. Poke it with a long branch, it will freeze the tree. You'll find a passage at the base. Follow it, and you'll find out all you need to know.'

'Why should I trust you?'

Black was red eyed and panting, he had a slightly manic look about him. 'You either want to know or you don't. Of course, if you're too cowardly…'

'You'd sell out your friends just like that?'

'You know what I have to lose.' Black backed away now. 'Give me my wand back, Snivelly.'

Severus took his own wand and levitated Black's high into the air, twitching his gently until it alighted on a window ledge about six storeys high. 'Go fetch,' he said. Black hesitated, then disappeared into the castle.

Severus didn't hang around for Black to find his wand. He made his way down to the Whomping Willow, hiding in some shrubbery with a good view of the tree. He was in two minds about what to do. Should he believe Black and go in? What if it was a trap? He glanced at the sky – the silvery globe of the moon was now clearly visible. No doubt somewhere in the forest Lupin would be rampaging.

Finally, he made up his mind. He wasn't a coward. Black wanted him to be scared, to be too afraid to go. It was a bluff. He knew it was just some illegally obtained potions supplies. He'd go in, find the evidence, then go straight to Dumbledore. Then Black, Potter, and hopefully the werewolf would be out of school and out of his life forever. Smiling at the thought, he approached the tree. Its branches twitched as though sensing his presence, then began a violent whirling.

Taking care to stay out of reach, he found a particularly long fallen branch, and by the light of the moon poked at the base of the trunk. To his surprise the flailing immediately stopped. Black had told the truth about that much, then. He crept forwards, half expecting the branches to move again, but they didn't. He reached the trunk and there was the hole, a deep dark recess between two of the gnarled roots.

Keeping his wand lit, he lowered himself into the hole, and found himself in a passageway. His heart was beating very fast now, the adrenaline making him quite dizzy. There was a lump in his throat and his limbs twitched with pent up tension. He edged along the passage, which seemed to go on forever. After a couple of minutes, he began to wonder if Black had simply sent him into a dead end. But he was committed now, and kept going.

Then he heard something, not in front of him, but behind. Footsteps, and breathing. Damn! Black or Potter was after him. He began to run, determined to reach the end and find out the truth. He had been tormented by this secret for years now, he had to know! They weren't going to stop him now. 'Snape!' yelled someone from behind him, and he sprinted harder. Now the tunnel was sloping upwards, and he could see something at the other end, a wooden hatch.

'Stop! Snape, stop! You'll be killed!' He was sure that was Potter's voice.

He allowed himself a breathless laugh at this blatant lie. There must be something worth hiding there after all, if they were that worried about stopping him. He pulled open the hatchway.

A dimly lit wooden room faced him and there, in the centre, looking right at him, was a werewolf. It was long and rangy, standing on its hindlegs, naked. It opened its mouth, revealing very sharp teeth. Something grabbed Severus, and his bladder released a small amount of pee. He began to yell, even as the door was slammed shut. 'Run!' shouted a voice next to his ear, and he realised it was Potter, dragging insistently on his arm. He heard a howl and a thud as the body of the wolf hit the door.

He needed no second bidding, and he and Potter set off back down the tunnel as fast as they could go. Behind them he heard the crashes as the wolf tried to free itself. They scrambled out from between the Whomping Willow's roots, and out into the grounds. Seconds later, the tree began to move again.

For a minute neither boy could do more than pant, doubled up. Through the spots dancing before his eyes he stared at Potter with an intense hatred. As soon as he could speak he snarled, 'You tried to kill me! You and Black!' at the same moment as Potter shouted, 'You idiot! You nearly got us both killed!'

'Me! It was your friend who told me to do it! Thought he'd get me out of the way, didn't he!'

'He didn't think you'd be stupid enough to actually do it! Just as well I knew better and was able to save your life!'

'You did not save my life!' screeched Severus, flinging himself at Potter. He managed to land a couple of punches, before the two boys were forced apart by a spell. Professor McGonagall was standing in front of them, looking incandescent with anger, and lurking behind her was Sirius Black.

'Inside. Now,' was all she said, before grabbing both Severus and Potter by their robes at the neck and hustling them before her across the grounds. 'And you, Black,' she barked over her shoulder.

Struggling against the indignity, Severus tried to protest. 'Professor, listen, you don't understand! Potter and Black just tried to kill me! There's a werewolf, Lupin, Lupin's a werewolf! Black sent me down there to die!'

'Save your breath for Professor Dumbledore,' was McGonagall's short reply.

That silenced all three boys, as McGonagall frogmarched them to the Headmaster's office. She did not release her grip on Severus' and Potter's robes until they had ascended the spiral staircase and were through the door. Professor Dumbledore was standing behind his desk, looking very grave. 'Are the boys uninjured?' he asked.

'Entirely, although I'm not sure we shouldn't be checking all three for brain malfunction,' sniffed McGonagall.

'And Lupin?'

'Is still within the Shrieking Shack, unharmed.'

'He's a werewolf!' shouted Severus. 'Of course _he's_ unharmed, what about me, I'm the one…' He was unable to finish because a silencing charm descended on him like a fog. Furious, he continued to shout the words silently.

'That will do, Mr Snape,' said Dumbledore, and there was no sign of the twinkly old man who made comedy speeches. He waved his wand lazily and three rather uncomfortable looking chairs appeared in front of his desk. 'Sit,' he commanded.

The three boys sat, Potter and Black drawing close together. Severus was aware of the dampness in his pants. Dumbledore stared very hard at him, then at Potter, and lastly at Black. Finally he spoke. 'I have only a rather garbled account of events, so perhaps you would enlighten me.' He held up a hand as Severus drew breath. 'Mr Black, first.'

Black looked uncomfortable. Even he seemed subdued by Dumbledore. 'I got in an argument with Sniv… with Snape. He was going on about how he knew Lupin's secret. We fought. He had me round the throat,' he paused to indicate his neck, where red marks unfortunately corroborated his story, 'and I thought he was going to kill me. So to get him off me… I told him if he wanted to know our secret, he should go through the secret passage. And I told him how to get there.' He shut his eyes tightly for a moment.

'I'm really sorry, Professor, I know it was stupid. I just didn't think… and then I went to get my wand back – Snape had levitated it up high, and by then I'd started to worry, so I told Pr… I told James, and he guessed Snape would do it, so he ran to stop him and I went to tell Professor McGonagall. It was my fault, Professor, please don't punish James. He didn't do anything wrong.'

'Thank you, Mr Black. I appreciate your candour.' He ignored the explosive noise from Severus that managed to break even the silencing charm. 'Mr Potter, your turn please.'

'Well, Sirius came in and told me, like he said. He didn't think Snape would do it, since he knew the secret, but I had a feeling he would anyway. Snape's been following us round for years now, trying to get us into trouble – especially poor Remus. He wouldn't miss an opportunity like that. So I ran down to the tunnel, and Snape was right at the end. He'd opened the door into the Shack –' here McGonagall made a faint noise of horror – 'but I managed to shut it, and we both ran for it.'

Dumbledore nodded. 'Very well.'

'Professor Dumbledore sir?' James hesitated until Dumbledore indicated he could continue. 'Professor, I know Sirius was stupid, but you don't know what Snape's like. He gets inside your head. I know Sirius better than anyone, and whilst he's an idiot sometimes, he would never have meant to kill anyone. Not even Snape, honestly.'

'Well, I think it's time to hear Mr Snape's side of the story. Severus, perhaps you can tell us what happened?'

The silencing charm lifted and Severus made an incoherent spluttering noise. He drew his breath and wits about him again. 'Black told me to go through the tunnel, he said if I went through I'd find out a secret. He knew the werewolf was there. He knew it would attack me! It was murder, cold blooded murder! Him and Potter, they were in it together! And the werewolf too! They tried to kill me – you have to expel them, you have to throw them in Azkaban…'

'Thank you, Severus, let's take this one thing at a time. I have some questions for you, if I may.' He didn't make it sound like a request, and continued almost immediately. 'Firstly, I understand that you and Mr Black here have a longstanding quarrel. So why would you go along with what Sirius suggested?'

Severus stammered for a moment before he managed to get a sentence out. 'I never thought he'd try to kill me! You don't know what _they're_ like. Everyone thinks they're so great, and they're not! Their rulebreaking! Again and again. I couldn't… I had to know.'

James interrupted him. 'He spends all his time sneaking round trying to get us expelled. He's always following us, listening in on us. He guessed about Remus ages ago, and he's been desperate to prove it, so he can ruin Remus' life. And he'd do anything if he thought it would get me and Sirius expelled. That's how I knew he'd do what Sirius said, no matter how mad.'

'That doesn't change the fact he told me! I didn't know the werewolf would be there! I thought it was out in the Forest, killing unicorns so you could steal their hair for your smuggling ring!'

A stunned and rather embarrassed silence followed this outburst, until Black said, 'What smuggling ring?' Potter even made a mirthless noise of laughter.

'The smuggling ring you're running, hiding things in the Whomping Willow. I thought if I went through, I'd find your hoard.' Even as he said it, it sounded crazy. What had he been thinking?

'Potter, Black, is this true?' asked McGonagall. 'Have you been smuggling?'

'I swear on my life Professor, no! I've never smuggled in my life. Why would we want to smuggle – our families have loads of gold. Snape is crazy!' James gave him a contemptuous look.

'Look at me, please,' said Dumbledore quietly, and proceeded to stare into Potter's defiant eyes for several minutes. Eventually he broke his gaze and said, 'I believe you. Now, Mr Black.' He underwent the same procedure, then turned to Severus. 'Mr Snape, look at me.'

The blue eyes seemed to pierce him. He felt an uncomfortable sensation in his brain, and he realised Dumbledore was using mind magic – he couldn't remember the name of the art, but he knew he'd read about it once. He shifted and broke eye contact, hating it. He felt violated, furious. 'Look at me, Severus,' repeated Dumbledore, and he reluctantly raised his eyes again. He tried hard to close his mind, shut down his thoughts. He remembered Lucius telling the Quidditch team to hide distracting thoughts in a box inside their head. He tried hard to do that, especially anything that might indicate his own criminal activities.

Finally Dumbledore looked away, a strange expression on his face. He tidied some papers on his desk, then looked up again to view them all over the tops of his spectacles. 'I have seen all I need to see. Mr Potter, you have acted with great presence of mind and courage. There can be no doubt you saved Severus' life, and also in a more figurative manner, the life of your friend Mr Lupin. That you risked your own to do so, without a second thought, is even greater credit to you, particularly given that you and Mr Snape do not see eye to eye.'

'You can't praise him! He was in on it, in on it all along! You never see him without Black, he knew all about it! He put Black up to it! They did it deliberately so that Potter could act the hero…' Once again a silencing charm prevented his rant continuing.

'Now. That brings me to Mr Black and Mr Snape. Seldom have I been more disappointed in Hogwarts students. Two highly intelligent, gifted students, behaving in a manner so foolhardy it is hard to fathom. Mr Black, you have been recklessly stupid. Whilst I do not believe you intended to kill Severus, your actions very nearly did so – and would also have caused your unwitting and entirely innocent friend Remus Lupin to be forced from this school. Your friend Mr Potter here also very narrowly escaped being bitten and possibly killed. But for a few seconds, Sirius, you nearly had the end or ruination of three lives on your hands.'

Black bowed his head, pale, and muttered, 'I know. I know. I'm sorry.'

'However, Severus, you cannot claim the moral high ground in this incident. You have behaved in a way that is underhanded and disingenuous. It is clear you went out with the express intention of causing trouble. If you had suspicions about smuggling, or even about Lupin being a werewolf, you could easily have discussed them with a teacher. I believe you have tea with Professor Slughorn on a regular basis. Instead you decided to use what you had guessed about these boys to attempt to get them expelled or worse. Your obsession clouded your judgement so severely that you walked into an extremely dangerous situation. Such behaviour is, in its own way, not better than Mr Black's.'

Such fury was now coursing through Severus that he felt feverish. Unable to make a sound, he mouthed silent words of anger. Sweat beaded his brow and his hands shook. He felt a terrible, violent hatred for Dumbledore, Black and Potter. His heart was beating so hard that it hurt. He had actual pain in his chest. It would serve them all right if he dropped dead right now – except they'd probably dance on his grave.

'Sirius, given the circumstances and the proximity to the exams, you will be permitted to remain in school.' Black sagged with relief and began to gush his thanks. Dumbledore held up a hand and continued, 'But you will serve detention every evening for the remainder of the term, and Professor McGonagall and I will be keeping a close eye on you. I have taken into account the difficult situation I know you have been in with your family and the strain that has placed you under this weekend. Therefore I am giving you a second chance. If you ever again behave in such a reckless manner, I will not be so lenient.'

Now Dumbledore turned to Severus, his blue eyes cold. 'As for you, Severus, you will do well to remember my words. Behaviour born of shabby sentiment will seldom win you friends or sympathy. Nor will it bring you happiness. Indeed, tonight it has almost resulted in your death. Take it from an old man; people who strive to act on good intentions, to spread kindness, will ultimately be far the richer and more satisfied. I would like to you to reflect on this in future. I also have to ask you not to mention this incident, or the fact that Lupin is a werewolf, to anyone else. I am afraid if you do so, I may need to consider your place at this school.'

Unable to speak, Severus contented himself with staring back at Dumbledore with undisguised loathing. The teacher fixed him with that piercing stare again. 'Do I have your word, Mr Snape?'

The silencing charm lifted, but Severus left it as long as he could before the stare of Dumbledore became unbearable. 'Sooner or later, your werewolf will kill someone,' he muttered eventually. 'Then when they find out how you silenced me…'

'Severus, I do not believe Remus will kill anybody. You witnessed the precautions in place to ensure the safety of himself and the other students. Now, I need your word, I am afraid.'

Finally he said, 'If you're threatening to expel me, then I'll have to. Clearly telling people about a werewolf is a far worse crime than trying to kill someone.'

'Good,' said Dumbledore, clapping his hands together. 'Well, now we've got that cleared up, I suggest we all get ourselves to bed. Good night.'

Professor McGonagall ushered the three of them out and down the staircase, Potter and Black exchanging relieved smiles that made Severus so angry he wanted to lash out. However McGonagall carefully kept between them. At the foot of the staircase, they parted company, and Severus found himself alone. He had to stop for a moment and close his eyes, to simply take in what had happened. Black had tried to kill him, and yet he, Severus, was the one who'd been made to feel like a criminal.

Humiliated and sick with rage, standing on the stairs in the dark with the echoing castle around him, he made a vow. Never again would Albus Dumbledore or anyone else invade the private sanctuary that was Severus' mind. They could humiliate and torment him in every other way, but his mind was his own. Furthermore, he would find a way to destroy James Potter and his little gang, no matter how long it took. If he had to wait a hundred years, he would get his vengeance.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - Exile

For a couple of weeks after Black's 'prank', the four Gryffindors seemed more subdued than normal, although that might have just been the exams. But Severus soon saw signs that their usual cocky attitude was returning. Severus' hot rage subsided to a corrosive resentment that bubbled inside him, unable to be released. It wasn't just the incident itself, but the realisation that there was no justice for the likes of him against the likes of them.

His anger with the Gryffindors even coloured his feelings towards Lily. Both stressed about the exams, they rarely met up, and did nothing but bicker when they did. Mulciber and Avery had played an admittedly cruel trick on Lily's friend Mary, and Lily used it as another opportunity to grumble about Severus' friendship with them. He was further incensed to hear from her that Potter had boasted about having saved Severus' life – despite the ban on Severus himself speaking out about it.

To make matters worse, he no longer dared to sneak in and out of Hogwarts with contraband. He couldn't be sure how much Dumbledore might have seen in his mind, and the increased security around the school was making it too risky. He wrote cryptically to Lucius, full of genuine regret, and received a terse reply. It simply said, 'Understood. With thanks. L.'

Their penultimate OWL was Defence Against the Dark Arts. After the exam he joined the general throng as they left the hall. He cast his eavesdropping spell on the Gryffindors, more from habit than because he had any hope of hearing something incriminating. He listened to the werewolf joking about his condition and focussed hard on re-reading his exam paper to stop himself hexing them. He could have structured his answer on counter-curses better, he thought. He'd let himself get sidetracked on blocking spells and wasted valuable time when he could have been picking up extra marks for his knowledge of type three Reversing Incantations. He deducted five marks from his mental score.

Without even noticing he'd allowed himself to move with the crowd into the grounds. The sun beat down, painful to his eyes. He was aware of Lily a little way ahead, chattering with her friends as they sprawled by the lake edge. Settling himself on the grass not far from her in the shade of a bush, he wondered if he could get any time with her later on that day. Perhaps he could persuade her to walk around the lake with him. With exams almost over, she might be more relaxed. They could talk and joke like they used to, put the pointless arguments of the past few months behind them.

But Lily never so much as glanced in his direction, absorbed with her friends. He watched them out of the corner of his eye, resenting their easy relationship with Lily. He was glad the Mulciber had played that trick on Mary. She'd deserved it – wearing Muggle clothes at Hogwarts made you fair game. You might as well go around with a sign saying 'hex me' attached to your back. Rather as Severus had the previous year, thanks to Potter and his stupid friends.

By his calculation, he should have scored an Outstanding, even if he marked himself harshly. Satisfied, he stowed the exam paper away in his bag, and with a last glance at Lily, got up to leave. She wasn't going to pay him any attention any time soon. Maybe he'd send a message to her at lunch. If she wouldn't go for a walk, she might consent to some revision together for Transfiguration.

'All right, Snivellus?' Lost in his thoughts about Lily and his worrying about the exam, he hadn't noticed that Potter and his gang had also stuck around nearby. His reactions, honed by years of self-defence, were fast and he grabbed his wand, only to see it fly out of his hand as Potter disarmed him. Throwing himself after it, an impediment jinx caught him, knocking him sideways and onto the ground. Damning his stupidity in letting his guard down, he lay in the grass, struggling against the jinx. Potter had improved at them – he must have been practising for his OWL.

'How'd the exam go, Snivelly?' asked Potter's voice, from somewhere above his head. He spoke casually. Clearly he was going to make the most of dragging this out.

'I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,' said Black, to the left of Potter. 'There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word.' Hardly his most witty of taunts, but the very fact that he even dared, when just a few weeks earlier he'd almost committed murder… clearly any repentance Black had felt had long since stopped troubling his conscience.

The two Gryffindors had come into view now, standing over him. He looked up at them, helpless, and a tide of red hot rage swelled inside him. 'You wait!' he panted, barely coherent. 'You wait!'

'Wait for what? What're you going to do, Snivellus, wipe your nose on us?' Potter sounded amused, a nasty little smile playing on his smug lips. And of course, he was right, wasn't he? What could Severus do against Potter and Black, when the pair could literally get away with attempted murder? He swore fluently at them, mixing in a desperate string of hexes in the hope he might be angry enough to make something work without his wand.

'Wash your mouth out. _Scourgify!' _ Immediately a mass of foul tasting bubbles filled his mouth, making him gag, rushing up his nose in a painful stream that burned his sinuses.

'Leave him alone!' shouted a familiar voice. Lily. His heart sank further. That was all he needed. He wanted Lily as far away as possible from Potter and Black, even if her interaction with them was in his defence. Coughing on the soap, he managed to draw a couple of breaths, and realised to his satisfaction that the impediment jinx was wearing off. Taking advantage of Potter's distraction with Lily, he began to edge towards his wand, trying not to attract attention. His mind was bubbling over with the curses he'd use.

He heard Lily telling Potter she'd rather go out with the giant squid than him, something which made him smile to himself. He was nearly there now, and made a last dive, grabbing his wand. He rounded on Potter, even as Black yelled a warning. No time to think, he went for a simple cutting curse, and to his satisfaction a gash appeared on Potter's smug face, spattering his robes with blood. Before he could strike again, Potter flicked his wand, and Severus was whisked into the air, upside down.

Even as it happened he knew the spell. _Levicorpus_. His very own invention, that he'd worked on and practised day after day. A cold spread over him and his heart felt as though it had dropped several inches, which had nothing to do with the fact he was upside down. Only one person had known the non-verbal spell except him. The one person in the world that he'd thought he could trust. How could she have betrayed him, and to Potter of all people? He felt terribly sick, a rush of saliva filling his mouth.

He crashed to the ground a moment later, and he scrambled to his feet, heart pounding so hard that he could hardly hear through the swooshing blood, hardly see for the spots dancing before his eyes. Wand up, he almost managed to get in another curse, but Black knocked him over again with a full body bind. Dizzied from so much crashing around, Severus heard Lily shouting at Potter, threatening him. He knew she would be feeling guilty about having told Potter the spell. Talk about overcompensating.

When the body bind lifted, he got to his feet again. Lily was standing there, wand out, and through the haze of his anger and disappointment, he heard Potter say, 'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus.'

At that instant, he wanted nothing more than to hurt Lily, to hurt her like she'd hurt him. He saw her as though for the first time. A pretty, self-confident girl, with a bright future ahead of her, surrounded by friends that she'd made as easily as she drew breath. Arguing with Potter with just a little bit too much enjoyment. She'd taken the one thing he had left, the thing he'd trusted her to keep secret, that he'd taught her to protect herself, and passed it on to his enemy. Taking a deep breath, he shouted, 'I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!'

The look on her face was worth it, for all of two seconds. He was angry enough to be pleased that she was shocked, pleased that she was stung by his words. But then she spoke, and there was a cold finality in her words that chilled him. 'Fine. I won't bother in future. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, _Snivellus_.'

Potter began shouting at him to apologise, and then arguing with Lily, but Severus barely heard the words. He was reeling with horror, sickened by adrenaline and guilt and a mess of emotions. He felt nothing when Potter turned him upside down again. He was vaguely aware of laughing from the crowd, some sort of joking about his pants, nothing he cared about. A few minutes later he was unceremoniously dumped down again as everyone lost interest and went inside for lunch.

He lay on the ground, his robes tangled around him, listening to his ragged breathing. His eyes were full of tears. How could this have happened? He kept replaying the scene over and over again, sickened by his words. He'd called her a mudblood. _But she'd betrayed him!_ She'd never forgive him this time. _But she deserved it. What she'd done was worse._ Wasn't it?

He crawled back into the shadows of the bush he'd sat beside earlier, and began to cry. He sobbed as he'd never sobbed before, hysterically, unable to catch his breath. He cried for the fact he'd loved Lily so hard, and yet never had the opportunity to prove his feelings. He cried for his friend having been taken away from him, put into Gryffindor, the odds stacked against them. He cried for the innocent youth who'd told her his own precious spell, believing she would never tell. He cried for the plans he'd made for the summer, for them both, that would now come to nothing.

The afternoon passed in a blur. He should have been revising, but how could he think about his exams? How could he think about anything? Eventually he roused himself, and made his way numbly towards Gryffindor tower. He had to talk to Lily. Plead with her, beg her forgiveness. She'd forgive him, wouldn't she?

The portrait that guarded the entrance to the Gryffindor quarters regarded him with a look of deepest contempt as he stood wretchedly, waiting for Lily to come by. He managed to hide when Potter and Black passed through, all smiles and jokes again. Did nothing ever ruffle them? They knew nothing of the pain that they had caused. Finally, he saw someone he recognised; Lily's friend Mary. He stepped out quickly in front of her, holding up his hands to show he was unarmed. She pulled back, eyeing him warily.

'What do you want?' she asked. 'I thought you'd have done enough damage for today, you vile Slytherin bloodist. Lily's _devastated_.'

'I'm sorry,' he said quickly. 'I didn't mean it – I was angry. Listen, Mary, can I speak to her? Please? I want to apologise to her.'

Mary shook her head immediately. 'No way, she doesn't want to hear it. All the times she's stood up for you! Gone on about what a nice person you are really! We tried to tell her what a nasty little sneak you are, but she wouldn't listen, and now she's had to find out like this!'

'At least let me say sorry to her face. Please. We've been friends for years, Mary. I owe her that much. Don't you think Lily deserves to hear me say sorry?' He saw her wavering, considering his words, and pressed home his advantage. 'She can't avoid me forever. I have to say my piece. Just let me say it, and then if she wants, I'll leave her alone. I won't go until I've seen her. I'll stay here for as long as it takes. I'll even sleep out here, if I have to.'

Finally Mary gave a big sigh. 'Look, I'll tell her, all right? I'll tell her, but it's up to Lily! I'm not going to make her come out here. And I think you're vile. You and your horrible Slytherin friends. I hope you do lose Lily's friendship. Maybe that will teach you a lesson for being such a horrible, prejudiced bastard. You really, really don't deserve a friend like her, and you never did.' She pushed past him, whispered the password to the portrait so he couldn't hear, and disappeared into the common room, dragging the entrance shut behind her as though he might follow.

He waited for a long time. It was dark now, late, and he began to think he'd have to be true to his word and sleep there. He knew he would, if that's what it took. Maybe it would help, show how earnest he was. When the portrait opened again, he jumped, heart leaping. His mouth went dry when he saw it was Lily. She was wearing a dressing gown, and her eyes were red.

Shaking violently, he moved convulsively towards her. 'Lily! Oh Lily, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean it! I swear.'

She stared at him as though she'd never seen him. Her lip trembled slightly, but she folded her arms across her chest and stuck out her chin determinedly.

'I'm sorry,' he said again, faltering in her steely gaze.

'I'm not interested,' she said quietly, and he saw the hurt in her eyes.

'I'm sorry!' he repeated, louder. He didn't know what else to say.

'Save your breath. I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.' Her beautiful face was cold.

'I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you mudblood, it just…'

'Slipped out?' she asked, sounding more bitter than he'd ever heard her. 'It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see! You don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?'

He didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth, not sure if he should deny it, or ignore it, or just let her vent her anger. Of course she was right, and she knew it.

She went on. 'I can't pretend any more. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.'

Desperate, he tried to make her listen, to see sense. 'No, listen! I didn't mean…'

'To call me mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?'

How could he answer that question without revealing things that he wasn't sure he wanted to reveal, didn't think it was the time or place to reveal? He wanted to bring up her betrayal, her telling Potter of his spell, but he knew it wouldn't help.

He'd hesitated too long. She turned on her heel, and climbed back through the portrait hole, which swung shut behind her with an awful finality.

Staring at the portrait he finally managed to whisper the answer he hadn't been able to articulate to her face. 'Because I love you.'

But it was all too late.

The holiday was the worst he'd ever spent. He spent long hours staking out Lily's house, in the hope of catching even the smallest glimpse, but she didn't seem to be around much. He was desperately lonely and sorry for himself. It was a hot, airless summer and when he'd given up on seeing Lily, he retreated to his bedroom. He lay on his back, listening to his parents argue, shooting down the flies that flew in and out. It was a risk, using magic in such a Muggle neighbourhood, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He wasn't sure how he would survive through two more years of school anyway. Perhaps he should just cut his losses and get out.

He'd have his OWLs, and would come of age in January, so he might be able to get a job. And Lily was right; sooner or later he knew he'd join the Death Eaters. How else was he going to make anything of himself? He'd join up, and then he'd teach stupid Potter and his friends a proper lesson! Then when the Death Eaters had won, he would return to Lily, and she would see him in a new light. He had had enough of feeling weak and powerless, enough of being a victim. The Death Eaters presented the best way he knew to turn the tables of his life, to rectify the wrongs that had been done him.

His father was out of work again, and money was tight. One morning Eileen nervously approached her husband. He was sitting in his armchair, nursing a bottle. The pubs weren't yet open, but Tobias started early. 'Tobias?' she asked quietly. 'Have you any cash? We're outta bread.'

Severus, who was just coming down the stairs, stopped and watched through the doorway. Tobias turned to his wife, his watery eyes reddened by drink. 'Thash all you ever want, woman, money. You think I'm made'a money? Think it grows on trees? Well, it might in your fancy magic world but round here in the real word, it don't! Why don't you go magic some money, if you want it?'

'Magic don't work like that,' she said, cringing back from his stare. 'If it did, you think I'd live like this?'

Tobias' eyes narrowed. 'Oh, thish ain't good enough for you, is it, Eileen? Not fancy enough for you? Well, I'm shorry that I can't provide a wonderful magic world for you.' He waved a hand drunkenly to indicate the room. 'Maybe you should run off with one of your wizard boyfriends!'

'I don't have any wizard boyfriends!' retorted Eileen, her voice rising with her temper. 'If I 'ad a wizard boyfriend I would't still be here, that's for sure!'

Tobias was on his feet in an instant, his hand making contact with his wife's face before she could step back. The sharp slap of flesh against flesh and her intake of breath were followed by a roar of anger from him. 'You knew what you were marrying, you stuck up cow! Now I'm saddled with a useless bitch of a wife and a little weirdo of a son. Think I'm 'appy? You've 'eld me back for years, with your strange ways and bloody stupidity!' He drove forwards, landing more blows on her body, pushing her back into the kitchen.

The usual cold horror flooded through Severus. Why was it that whenever his parents fought, he was reduced back to the level of a small child, feeling helpless and sick with fear, not knowing what to do? The almost overwhelming instinct was to run back to his bedroom and hide, push his head under the pillow and pretend it wasn't happening. But he couldn't move. He stood rooted to the spot, as though witnessing it would somehow make it stop.

'You've ruined my life, with your moaning and your carping and your constant demands for money! You sent that freak off to his fancy magic school, cost me a fortune in train fares and wizard clothes and stupid books! Couldn't just go to the local comp like a normal boy! Oh no, not Eileen Prince's son!'

He could hear his mother's grunts and sobs as her husband pummelled her. Something inside him seemed to snap. He began to move down the stairs, as though sleepwalking. In the living room, he looked around, his eyes alighting on the bottles next to his father's chair. He picked one up, feeling the smooth cold glass swell against his palm, hefting the weight. Tobias had pushed Eileen right into the kitchen, and she was now sprawled across the kitchen table, his father pulling at her clothes. Severus knew what happened next, and he couldn't take it anymore.

As he stepped up behind his father, his mother's eyes widened as they caught the movement. The bottle swung round and hit the side of Tobias' head with a satisfying thunk. Thrown off balance, Severus stumbled into him, knocking him to the ground. The bottle, cracked down its length, gushed alcohol. The liquid felt cold and sticky. Tobias made a loud 'ooof' sound as he struck the floor, the air forced out of his lungs, and then lay still.

There was a silence, a frozen moment when no one moved or breathed. Then Severus looked at Eileen, who was staring at him open mouthed. 'What have you done?' she breathed. 'What have you done?' she asked again louder. She pushed him aside and fell to her knees next to her husband, touching Tobias' face and attempting to feel for a pulse.

'Leave him,' said Severus, looking down at her. 'Mam. Leave him. Come on. Now, get your things! We can go, while he's out cold. This is our chance.'

She looked up at him, her face anguished. 'Go? Go where? You daft beggar, where d'you think we're going to go to?'

He racked his brains. 'Diagon Alley, we'll go there. We'll go back to the wizard world. Leave him here, with the Muggles. Come on, before he wakes up.'

But Eileen remained where she was, staring from her agitated son to her unconscious husband. 'And leave him on his own?' she asked. 'He might be really hurt.'

'Good! Let's hope so, it will give us more time to get away.' He grabbed her thin, veined hands and forced her to look at him, trying to jerk her out of her shock and inertia. 'Come on, mother, this is it! This our chance. He's made us miserable for years. Now we can change that. They'll never find us, in the wizard world. We can leave all this behind, we can start again, be happy!'

'Start again!' she barked. 'What do you know about starting again? You silly boy, all that might be well and good for teenagers, but it's not for the likes of me. Down here in the real world, Severus, people don't just up and leave. They don't start again. They don't go running round trying to be _happy_.' She spoke the last word with a flat bitterness. 'They muddle by as best they can, until their stupid flighty son gets some crackpot idea in his head and goes and ruins everything!'

'Ruins everything? Ruined what, exactly? It can't get much worse, Mam! Come on, we can't stay here now. If he wakes up, he'll kill us. If he doesn't wake up… well, the police'll be after us.'

She looked back at her husband, and eventually spoke again, in a painful voice. 'No. It's you they'll be after, you he'll be angry with. I never did anything. I've never raised my hand to him once, not in all the years he's beaten me.' She looked up at him again, her eyes defiant, sounding oddly proud. 'I've always stood by him. It hasn't been easy, but I made my choice.'

'You can't… you can't mean to stay?' He took a step back in disbelief.

'I made my choice,' she said again, getting to her feet. 'I'm sorry Severus. It's not been a happy place for you. I know I ain't been the best mother, but Merlin knows I did me best. You want to go off and be a wizard, just like when I was your age I wanted to go off and be a Muggle. You don't want to stay here.' She glanced down at Tobias again. 'You can't stay here, not now. You go, go now whilst he's still out cold. Get your stuff.'

'No,' he breathed, looking again at his father. He could see the man's chest rising and falling. 'He's only unconscious, when he wakes up… no Mam!'

'It's the best way.' She pushed him back. 'You don't understand, Severus, you're young and hot headed, just like he was. Don't look at me like that – you're his son, like it or not! I can't go back to the wizard world now. I weren't happy in it as a girl, and now I've been out of it too long. I'd only have you for company, and you'll want your own life. My parents and friends turned their backs on me when I married your Dad. I ain't going back now with my tail between my legs.'

'You're staying here because you're too proud – too stubborn – to admit you made a mistake marrying him?' he asked in disbelief.

'I'm staying here because I made a choice and I'm going to follow it through. Go – get your stuff and go. Go to your Diagon Alley or wherever. Get away from here.' Suddenly her eyes were bright with tears.

Severus felt his own eyes well up in response, and he tried to blink them away. He reached out and tried to hug her, but she pushed him away, wiping her own face. 'Please, Severus, don't make this any harder than it already is! Go!'

Feeling sick with shock at this dramatic turn of events, he ran from the room. He began to climb the stairs softly from instinct, trying not to alert Tobias to his presence, then remembered and banged the rest of the way. In his room, he threw his possessions into his trunk, which he then dragged down the stairs, bumping the wallpaper. At the bottom he realised he hadn't taken a last look at his room, then wondered why that seemed so important. Eileen was waiting for him. 'Go, quickly, he's stirring.' She pressed a small amount of money into his hands. 'It's all I've got,' she said, then quickly kissed his cheek. 'Be careful, Severus. Just remember, the big dreams you have as a kid aren't always all they're cracked up to be.'

'Mam, you can still come with me,' he pleaded, but she shook her head and stepped back firmly. 'My place is here. Don't worry. He's not as bad when you're not around. Go on.'

With a heavy heart, and dragging his even heavier trunk, he left the house in which he'd grown up. His mother waited on the doorstep, the door open just a crack, watching his slow progress down the front path and onto the road. He looked back at the corner, and she was still there, a thin strip of sallow face visible. She raised a hand and opened her mouth as though to call, then shut it again. Then she pushed the door closed.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – Salvation

Severus turned away from his former home and dragged his trunk down to the mill. It was heavy and cumbersome, and he knew he wouldn't get far with it. Of course, he could lighten or levitate it with magic, but now he was homeless the thought of getting expelled seemed a lot more frightening. So he pulled it along using only his puny muscles, down to the river. The mill building squatted on the bank, its red brick façade seeming to radiate heat like a furnace. He kicked his way through the boards covering one of the entrances. Inside was hot and dark, with a strong smell of urine.

He hid the trunk in a corner, hoping that none of the flotsam and jetsam of humanity that frequented the abandoned building would find it. The locks were magical, but he supposed a determined enough Muggle could simply smash the thing with brute force. He sat on the lid for a while, head in his hands, thinking through his options. They were limited and none of them were very appealing.

Eventually, he packed his schoolbag with his robes, the little money he had, and his wand. He would do as he'd suggested to his mother, and go to Diagon Alley. It was the only wizard area he knew how to access. He felt very strongly that he wanted to be with wizards, in the magic world. There was nothing left for him amongst Muggles now. He'd have to decide how to get his trunk back when the time came to head back to Hogwarts. He had vague ideas of getting a job – something menial that wouldn't require magic - and returning for his things once he had somewhere to live.

It was easy enough hitching down to London, with a bit of patience. A lorry driver eventually took pity on him and by nightfall he found himself outside the Leaky Cauldron. He entered the bar, and allowed his eyes to accustom to the dim light. It was very quiet, and the barman looked up over-eagerly when Severus entered. 'Good evening, sir,' he said politely. 'What can I get you?'

Severus crossed the deserted pub to face him across the bar. 'How much does it cost to stay here overnight?' he asked, turning over the few coins in his pocket.

'Five Galleons a night, six if you want breakfast,' responded the barman, appraising Severus sceptically. He clearly doubted that Severus could afford it. And he was right.

'Do you have any jobs going? I work hard, and I'll do anything. In fact, I'd work here just for board and food.' He knew he sounded desperate.

The barman laughed bitterly and gestured around the empty room. 'In case you hadn't noticed, we aren't exactly rushed off our feet, lad. There's nothing going, I'm afraid. Now, can I get you a drink, or not?' There was an edge of hostility in his voice now.

'No thanks,' replied Severus, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt. He felt the barman's eyes on him as he walked to the other exit, the one that led to Diagon Alley. Outside the door he quickly changed into his robes and cloak, discarding his Muggle clothes in the pub's smelly bins. Possessing Muggle items was not a good idea for anyone hoping to survive in the present wizard world. Once suitably attired, he tapped his wand to the wall, and watched as the bricks rearranged themselves into an archway.

It was the first time he'd been to Diagon Alley in the dark. By night it had a gloomy, menacing feel. Orange flamed lamps guttered and flickered, casting strange shadows across the narrow cobbled streets. The rickety buildings loomed overhead. A few upper windows were dimly lit, but no one seemed to be about. The shops themselves of course were shut. He made his way down the road to the pub that stood at the other end, but that was closed and dark. Perhaps the bad business had taken its toll.

He stood in the road, staring at the façade of the pub and wondering what the hell to do. He felt more lost and alone at that moment than he had at any point in his directionless and lonely life so far. He had nowhere to go, no money, no food, no friends, and performing magic would put him at risk of expulsion from school. There were four more weeks of summer holiday to get through, and he'd need to find a way to get his possessions back from Yorkshire before the Hogwarts Express left King's Cross.

With an effort, he pulled himself together. There was nothing he could do to help his situation at that moment, other than keep his head and be prepared for the morning. At least it wasn't cold. He found a deeply recessed shop doorway, and wedged himself uncomfortably into it. He drew his cloak around himself, more for security than warmth. He'd never before realised just how hard and unyielding the ground was. He focussed on the gentle flickering of the lamp opposite, reminding himself of where he was. Better to sleep on the street in the wizarding world, than live in a house in the Muggle one.

He awoke early the next morning, as the grey light of dawn was spreading across the sky. Diagon Alley looked worse by day. The streets were litter-strewn, several shops were boarded up. Two appeared to be burned out, one with the words 'Muggle scum out' graffitied in big red letters across the front. Severus ached all over, and felt a gnawing hunger. He pushed himself up to sitting, wriggling to work life back into his ground-numbed limbs.

There was no sign of any people, giving him an uneasy sense of being alone in a ghost town. It was as though everyone had sneaked away overnight. No longer able to bear the pain in his stomach, he got to his feet and began to pick through the rubbish along the pavements, hoping to find some food. He was finally rewarded in the alley next to the ice cream parlour, where he found a cardboard box of stale ice cream cones. One corner had been nibbled away by something, and as he hungrily manhandled the box a huge brown rat appeared and bared its teeth at him. Alarmed, he raised his wand. The rodent snarled and turned tail. It obviously knew that wands meant trouble.

He retreated with his spoils to the back steps of shop, and gobbled through the stale wafer. At first he was too hungry to notice the taste or texture much. It wasn't unpleasant – rather like eating cardboard – but after the initial edge of his hunger was blunted, he realised he was very thirsty. Every mouthful became harder, clogging inside his mouth in a dry hard ball which he could barely bring himself to swallow.

Having crammed down the last few mouthfuls of wafer, he went in search of water. Unfortunately it had been a very dry summer and there weren't even any puddles he could drink from. Finally, tired and despairing, he sat down outside the closed pub and waited for the street to open for business. The sun had risen above the ragged roofline before the first signs of life emerged. Shop doors began to open. A witch with a broom swept her front step energetically, tutting at the sight of the street beyond. Several owls came and went, bearing letters and parcels. Signs in shop doors flipped round from 'closed' to 'open'. Severus flexed his legs, and stood again. It was time to go job hunting.

By midday, he was exhausted and broken spirited. He'd tried every shop in the street, and been greeted with suspicion in every one. The best were apologetic but firm – business was too bad to take on more staff. The worst were openly hostile, telling him to get out before they called the Aurors, or accusing him of being a Death Eater spy. The kindest – a plump witch in the Apothecary's – agreed to get him a glass of water, but did so with obvious trepidation, trembling as she handed it over. She softened a little when she saw Severus gratefully gulp it down, maybe realising he had no more sinister motive than being a thirsty boy on a hot day, and even got him another.

He began to try the side streets, but found them if anything more desolate than Diagon Alley itself. A few shoppers had emerged, but nothing like the bustling throng that he remembered from the summers of his first years at Hogwarts. They were mostly adults, moving in twos or threes, wands out, eyes darting. People viewed Severus with deep suspicion or even fear.

Finally, he found himself at the entrance to Diagon Alley's least respectable offshoot. If anywhere was going to be doing well in such times, surely it was the insalubrious neighbourhood around Knockturn Alley? The place had always been a source of fascination for him on his previous trips, but Lily's upstanding presence had prevented him from exploring further on those occasions. Now he made his way down, pausing in to look in the windows. The buildings were so tall and the street so narrow that most of the light was blocked out, making it cool and gloomy despite the noonday sun.

There were more people around here, but they stayed in the shadows, muttering. He felt eyes on him wherever he walked. It seemed he was going to encounter as much suspicion here as in respectable Diagon Alley. Street vendors flashed trays of body parts at him, and one wart covered hag tried to force a necklace of human teeth into his hands. 'I give you good price,' she repeated in a cracked voice. He ducked into the nearest shop to escape.

The shop was dimly lit and the air was heavy with dust, catching in his sensitive potion-maker's nose with every breath. He could make out various objects in display cases as he moved warily towards the counter. A man materialised out of the darkness, watching Severus shrewdly. He raised a questioning eyebrow. Severus cleared his throat and asked, 'Um… I was wondering if you had any work going?'

'You Ministry spies get younger by the day,' sneered the shopkeeper.

At least this was a slightly different kind of rejection. 'I'm not a Ministry spy. I'm still at school.'

'You amaze me.' The shopkeeper began to fiddle with something behind the counter. 'Well, funnily enough there aren't any openings for a schoolboy. Why don't you run along back to Dumbledore.' He began to turn away, but then glanced back sharply. 'But if you're looking for some pocket money, maybe we can reach an arrangement.'

Astonished, Severus stepped forward. 'Really?'

'Let's have a closer look at that cloak clasp.' The shopkeeper reached out with long fingers.

Severus' hand flew to his throat. He was only wearing the cloak because he didn't have anywhere to leave it. He felt the cold metal beneath his fingers. He thought of Lucius, the inscription on the back. He knew he should do the sensible thing and sell it, but something about the shopkeeper repulsed him. 'No, thank you. It's not for sale.'

For a second a very ugly expression contorted the salesman's face, but then he turned away with a shrug. 'Suit yourself. Now either buy something or get lost.'

Severus left the shop, still fingering his cloak clasp. He felt unsettled by the encounter, and had lost his nerve for trying anywhere else. Instead he headed back to Diagon Alley, turning over what to do next in his mind. The wizard world may be his chosen one, but it didn't seem very keen to have the down-on-his-luck Severus as part of it. He decided his best bet would be to return to the streets of Muggle London, and risk using magic to obtain food and drink.

He was halfway down the street when someone grabbed him by the arm. He cried out in alarm, thoughts of Death Eaters running through his mind as his other arm was also snatched back. The few shoppers scattered in panic, running into shops for shelter. A big hand thrust itself under his chin, trying to pull the clasp off his cloak. As Lucius had promised, the pin was charmed to never fail, and so Severus' head was jerked forwards painfully.

'What's this then?' demanded one of his captors. 'Been taking what's not ours, have we?'

'It's mine!' choked Severus, almost throttled by his own cloak, struggling to pull his arms free.

'We'll see about that,' said the same rough voice, and he was pulled around and pushed forwards. As he was marched back down Diagon Alley towards Knockturn Alley his mind was running at a hundred miles an hour. His initial fears of a Death Eater attack seemed unlikely to be correct. Instead he suspected the shopkeeper being behind this. He wondered for the first time just how expensive Lucius' parting gift had been. Its monetary value had never crossed his mind before.

Sure enough, he was frog marched back to the shop, the burly men pushing aside the human detritus of the winding lane. The peddlers shrank away from them, melting back into the shadows. The shopkeeper was waiting just inside the door. 'Is this the boy, Mr Borgin?' asked one of the men, whose faces Severus still hadn't seen.

'Oh yes, that's him, nasty little thief. Came in pretending to want a job, then grabbed this brooch and ran off when I told him there weren't any going.' Borgin stood right in front of Severus, apparently unaffected by the look of pure hatred that Severus was giving him. He reached out and gently unfastened the clasp.

'It's mine,' whispered Severus, his voice choked with tears. Suddenly he felt the fight go out of him as the sheer unfairness of life overwhelmed him. 'I never stole it. I was given it.'

'Given it, a likely story,' said Borgin, pocketing the cloak clasp. 'Thanks for your prompt assistance, gentlemen.'

'No problem, Mr Borgin,' said one of the voices. He tightened his grip on the scruff of Severus' neck. 'Come along, Little Lightfingers.'

Back outside he struggled ineffectually. He thought they might drag him back to Diagon, but instead their grip tightened, and a moment later he had the horrible sucking, compressing sensation of apparition. Dizzy and nauseated, he found himself in a huge hallway, full of witches and wizards. 'Where are we?' he asked, disorientated.

'Ministry of Magic,' came the response.

Had the circumstances been different, he would have loved to see inside the Ministry. As it was, he caught only a vague impression as he was hustled through. The witches and wizards in the atrium turned to stare at him, and he lowered his eyes in humiliation. 'Where are you taking me?' he asked, as they passed a vast golden fountain.

'Holding cells,' replied one shortly, hustling him into a lift. He was whisked down – or maybe it was up – at a terrific speed.

'Holding me until what?' he asked, dreading the answer.

'Till someone decides what to do with you.' He was pushed out of the lift and along a corridor, then through a door. A wizard was seated at a desk just inside, writing something. He was dressed in dark robes with a peaked pointed hat. A large number of keys hung from his belt and jingled slightly as he moved.

'What've you got?' asked the guard, without looking up.

'Petty thief. Tried to nick some trinket off've Borgin down on Knockturn Alley.'

Now the guard did look up. 'Suicidal are we?' he asked Severus. 'What's your name, kid?'

'Septimus,' he replied sullenly. He had no desire for word to get back to Hogwarts. 'Septimus Evans.' He didn't know why he gave Lily's surname, it was just the word that popped into his head. Perhaps because she was the person he most wanted to see at that moment.

The guard didn't query this, and ran through some other basic questions, recording the answers with his quill. Severus answered with a mix of truth and lies, giving his address as nowhere. The guard then relieved him of his wand, and he was led down another corridor to a small cell. It was bare and bleak and none too clean. 'How long will I be here?' he asked the guard.

'Wouldn't like to say sonny,' replied the guard, patting him down for weapons. 'With all that's afoot at the moment, petty thieves are pretty low down the pecking order. There we are, then.'

The door swung shut behind him with a clang of metal on metal. He heard the guard muttering an incantation to activate the locks, and further metallic clicking as the mechanical parts slipped into place. The guard's footsteps retreated, and his ears were filled with an empty, echoing silence. He lay down on the narrow bed, and stared at the ceiling. He felt empty, despairing. He'd lost everything. Home, family, Lucius, Lily, Hogwarts, his wand, his freedom. There was nothing left for him to do but shut his eyes and try to close down his thoughts whilst he awaited his fate.

The door swung open and Severus instinctively backed into the corner. He didn't know how long he'd been in the cell for, and whether it was now day or night. He thought at least two days had passed. They'd brought him food and drink, which he'd eaten despite no longer being hungry. The cell was hot and the stench from the toilet unbearable. Every time the door opened, a cold fist of fear clenched over his heart. Was this the moment he'd be taken for his trial? He had no faith at all that the conclusion of any court proceeding would be even remotely fair or just.

'Severus, hurry up,' said a voice. The use of his real name immediately jangled in his head. The voice was familiar. Perhaps more clipped than usual, impatient, but if he didn't know better he'd have sworn…

Light from the corridor fell across the face of the man in the door, and Severus' jaw literally dropped. 'Lucius!'

'Get a move on,' snapped Malfoy, for it really was him, looking hardly any different from when Severus had last seen him, more than two years ago.

He almost fell over his robes in his haste to get out. Malfoy didn't wait, but stalked away. Severus had to jog to keep up, and he was painfully reminded of his younger self, running round after Lucius. He passed the guard, who was determinedly staring at the _Prophet _as though it was the most riveting thing he'd ever seen. Severus wondered if Malfoy had Confunded him.

Lucius called the lift and stood tapping his foot. He neither spoke to nor looked at Severus, and gave every impression of being really angry. As his initial overwhelming relief died down, Severus began to feel apprehensive, and embarrassed. He knew he was filthy and stank. The lift arrived, and Malfoy motioned him in with a jerky movement, as though afraid that Severus might run. In the confined space of the lift Severus was all the more aware of the smell.

They emerged into the big foyer and Severus gaped around, taking it in better than he had on his first, hurried way through. There was the fountain, adorned with statues of wizards and magical creatures. Further along, fireplaces lined the hall. The ceiling was enchanted, like the one in the Great Hall… Suddenly Lucius was right next to him, tugging his arm. 'Come on,' he hissed furiously. 'This isn't a sightseeing tour!'

They reached the apparition point, and Lucius thrust his arm through Severus'. 'Hold on,' he said tersely. A second later Severus again had the horrible sensation of being squeezed into the size of a full stop, before emerging with a pop. Blinking and stumbling, he realised they were back on Diagon Alley. Lucius, used to apparition, was already striding away down the street.

'Where are we going?' asked Severus tentatively, as he caught up. For a horrible moment he thought they might be going back to Borgin and Burke's, but Lucius turned off sharply left instead and led the way down another couple of streets, lined with old fashioned timbered houses with steep tiled roofs and leaded windows like beady eyes.

'My place,' replied Lucius shortly, confusing Severus further. Malfoy Manor was nowhere near London. He followed the older man in silence. Lucius eventually stopped outside a large brick building, and raised his wand to the door. He spoke a word, and after a moment the door whirred and opened. Severus followed him through, into a lift. Again, Malfoy tapped his wand to the control panel, and they were whisked upwards so fast the Severus' stomach felt left behind.

They stepped out of the lift into a corridor with a thick red carpet, and an imposing wooden door in front of them. Once again, Malfoy tapped it with his wand, and led Severus inside. They were in a wide hallway with several doors leading off it. It was luxuriously decorated with thick carpets and plum coloured walls, but there was a dustiness and neglect that the obvious expensiveness couldn't quite conceal. Lucius opened one of the doors and gestured inside. 'Bathroom. Get yourself cleaned up. I'll put clean robes outside the door. I'm going out to get food. Don't leave.' He was gone before Severus could answer.

Severus couldn't resist having a quick examination of the flat whilst Lucius wasn't there. It was a spacious apartment, with two large bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, and the bathroom. Both bedrooms had beds in, although one appeared to be getting used as a store room. Everywhere was very untidy, with clothes and books strewn around on any available surface. Piles of old newspapers littered the living room, and the kitchen was full of empty packaging from various Diagon Alley food shops.

His initial curiosity sated, he followed Lucius' instructions and had a long shower, even washing his hair. By the time he'd finished, he could hear Lucius outside, and suddenly felt nervous. He wasn't sure he wanted to emerge and face the older man.

Eventually, dressed in Lucius' robes and with still-damp hair, he joined Malfoy in the kitchen. Two more takeaway containers lay on the table, holding steaming slices of pumpkin pie. Lucius tapped the kettle with his wand and indicated the food. Severus was starving, but felt reluctant to eat straight away. He sat down at the table, and finally, awkwardly said, 'Thanks, Lucius.'

The words acted like a trigger. 'You stupid, stupid… petty theft! What were you _thinking, _Severus? D'you have any idea how close you came to be tried? You could have been expelled from Hogwarts, got a criminal record… What the hell were you playing at?'

'I never stole anything!' began Severus indignantly. 'He wanted my cloak clasp – the one you gave me. I wouldn't sell it, so he pretended I'd stolen it.'

Lucius stared, then shook his head. 'Maximus Borgin is not a man that you cross lightly, Severus! You have no idea… no idea! What on earth were you doing in his shop in the first place? '

'I went there looking for a job. I didn't know who he was. I was desperate…'

'I gathered that much! It was incredibly lucky I found you in time, and was able to call in a few favours to get you out.'

'Thank you,' said Severus again, although despite his gratitude he couldn't help starting to feel irritated with Lucius' tirade. The situation hadn't really been his fault at all. If it were anyone else he'd have told them to stuff their help by now. But he bit his tongue.

'What on earth has been going on, Severus?' asked Lucius, a little more softly. 'The Ministry records say you're living rough.'

Sighing, Severus told the truth, from how he'd finally exacted revenge on his father, to his mother's refusal to leave, right up to his wrongful arrest. Part way through the kettle boiled. Lucius looked at it blankly, and without even thinking about it Severus got to his feet and made the tea. He finished his story as he handed over a steaming mug.

The older man shook his head. 'Why didn't you come to me? You know I'd have helped you.'

Severus hesitated. It hadn't even occurred to him to go to Lucius. He assumed that the older boy wasn't much interested him anymore, especially now he'd outlived his usefulness in the import-export business. 'I just thought I'd handle it myself,' he said lamely.

'You don't need to handle things yourself, that's why you have powerful friends, Severus.' Lucius sighed again. 'Typical Severus, Slytherin to the core. Damned independent and stubborn.'

Shyly, Severus asked, 'How did you find me?'

By way of reply, Lucius tossed something onto the table. It was the cloak clasp. 'I reckon Borgin thought it was something else. He must have realised pretty quickly it's not the sort of thing he had much interest in, but of course he saw the engraving. When I went in he lost no time in crowing over how my friend had been caught thieving from him. I think he wanted to sell it back to me.' He made a contemptuous noise. 'Once I got it back from him, I set out to find you.

I guessed they'd have taken you to the Ministry, so I made a few enquiries. When you have my contacts, these things are not difficult.' He paused, and began to poke at the pumpkin pie with his fork. 'I don't understand why you wouldn't sell, you were obviously destitute.'

'I didn't want to part with it,' said Severus, feeling his face redden. 'It were all I 'ad…' He noted his slip back into local vernacular, and forced himself to concentrate. 'I didn't want to sell it, you gave it me.'

'How can someone so intelligent be so blasted stupid?' asked Lucius, shaking his head. 'It should have reminded you that you've got a friend who will always look out for you. I told you before, you're like family to me. And I don't let my family languish in jail, no matter how dense they've been.' He pushed the other carton of pie towards Severus. 'For goodness sake, eat.'

They ate in silence. When they were finished, Lucius indicated the flat. 'So, you like my little place?' he asked, without waiting for an answer. 'My _pied-a-terre _in London. Convenient for Diagon Alley, and for those times I don't want my father too involved in what I'm doing. Cissy and her family live just down the next street. I don't use it a great deal, and there isn't any elf. You've no idea how hard it is get hold of elves these days! The spare room is full of junk, you'll need to move it off the bed. The place could do with looking after, it will be useful to have someone to keep an eye on it – during holidays at least.'

'I can stay?' asked Severus, taken aback.

'Of course you can. I'm hardly going to turn out on the street, am I? I didn't go to all that effort getting you out, just so you could go back to sleeping in doorways or whatever it was you were doing.' He shrugged. 'It's a mutually convenient arrangement. We have each other's backs, right?'

Severus nodded. 'Thanks Lucius, I don't know what to say…'

'You don't say anything. It's mutually convenient. We made a deal, Severus, and that deal still stands as far as I'm concerned.' He patted him on the back. 'Stick with me Severus, we're going great places.'

And for the first time in what felt like eternity, Severus smiled.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 – A Twist of Happenstance

When he returned to school for his sixth year, Severus still harboured some painful hopes that Lily might come round towards him. After all, she and her Gryffindor friends had patched it up soon enough after he set her up. But Lily determinedly ignored him, sticking her nose in the air whenever they encountered each other and looking meaningfully in the other direction. She went out of her way to avoid walking past him. Other than that, she showed no sign of missing his company.

To rub salt into the wounds, he now had all classes apart from Charms with Lily. He sat alone, gazing gloomily across at her as she whispered with her girlfriends. Potter and Black were also his unwelcome classmates in Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts. Potter no longer attacked Severus publically, leaving his snide comments and occasional hexes to times when no one else was around. On a couple of occasions Black had gone to start something more openly, and Potter had pulled him away. If anything this made Severus loathe Potter more.

Because Severus knew that beneath Potter's new 'responsible' exterior there was still the same self-regarding bully and idiot as there'd always been, even if no one else could see it. And no one else did seem to see it. Over the year, Potter pulled off a remarkable image change. He had always been inexplicably popular with his peers, but he also started sucking up to the teachers something rotten. For instance, he started giving extra flying coaching for younger Muggleborn students, something which seemed to elevate him to the level of minor sainthood in the eyes of the rest of the school. Despite all his extra-curricular activities, somehow Potter also managed to top the class in everything. It was just too much.

More worrying still, as the year progressed there was a noticeable thaw in relations between Lily's group and that of Potter. The two separate groups of girls and boys seemed to merge. As far as Severus could tell, things were casual and purely friendly, but he didn't like it one bit.

With all of his old gang gone, he had no one to hang around with, and no one to prevent him devoting his free time to spying on Lily. In Potions, he heard her referring casually in conversation to 'James and Sirius', and his heart constricted and shrank. Then a few days later he saw her standing in a group of Gryffindors including Potter and his gang. She was handing round some sweets, and when Potter took one he saw the eye contact and the smiles. Severus slammed his hand into the wall, bruising his knuckles so badly that he couldn't straighten his fingers properly for days.

His corrosive hatred for Potter was so intense that what with that and his tumultuous feelings for Lily, it was all he could do to sit in the same room as them, let alone pay attention. His marks suffered as a result, and he withdrew more and more into his own world, ignoring the teachers and instead scribbling notes into his textbooks as ideas occurred to him. Often he would think of a good comment or joke, and make a mental note to tell Lily, before he remembered she wouldn't want to hear. So he wrote them down instead, his Potions textbook becoming a sort of proxy for Lily, for all the things he'd like to share with her but could not.

Sixth year magic was a lot more interesting that the OWL level stuff. There was an emphasis on non-verbal incantations, something Severus had already mastered through private study. He learned to perform all of his own spells non-verbally, determined to stop Potter learning any more of them. At the duelling club he earned the nickname 'silent assassin' for his ability to duel entirely silently, something that unnerved the majority of his opponents. But he gained no real pleasure from it, just a grim sense of it being something else he needed to do to fill in the empty chasms that Lily had left in his life.

In Defence Against the Dark Arts they were supposed to learn to produce Patronuses. Their latest teacher, a former Charms master hauled out of retirement, warned them how hard it would be. Severus smugly disregarded this, sure he would manage without too much difficulty. But Professor Happenstance was right. The incantation was simple enough, and the wand movement deceptively easy, but conjuring a Patronus was the hardest thing he'd ever tried.

'Think happy thoughts, everyone! Focus on your happiest memory!' Professor Happenstance entreated them, until Severus had to fight the urge to knock him out with a conventional Stunner just to shut him up.

By the end of the lesson, some of the class had managed to produce a silvery mist, which was the first step towards a full corporeal Patronus. Others, including Severus, had managed nothing at all. The more he tried and failed, the worse he felt and the harder it became. Professor Happenstance dismissed them, suggesting they practiced little and often. 'If you feel yourselves getting disheartened, stop and try again later,' he trilled after them.

Severus ignored this advice and spent hours in his dorm trying and failing to conjure a Patronus. It wasn't that he had no happy memories, it was just that they were all so tangled up in his unhappy ones he found it impossible to get any further than the 'mist' stage. He would eventually fall back onto his bed, tired and frustrated. By the third lesson on the subject, several of the class had managed a corporeal Patronus. Lily, always good at Charms, was one of the first to achieve it. Her Patronus, still rather indistinct, appeared to take the form of a horse.

To Severus' intense annoyance, Potter and Black also mastered the spell quickly. Potter's Patronus was unmistakable, a stag with spreading antlers, whilst Black's was a large dog of some kind. The two gambolled around the room, colliding with each other and knocking over piles of papers. Students squealed and scattered in their paths. Severus spent the rest of the lesson in a haze of fury and couldn't even produce any mist.

The next lesson they moved on to other work, but Severus continued to try and produce a Patronus in private. He mined his life for experiences that might be happy enough to work. He tried the memory of getting his Hogwarts letter, the day he saved Lucius' life, the time he first invented a spell, and the moment Lucius rescued him from jail. It was all in vain. At Christmas he complained to Lucius, who was typically full of incomprehension. 'I don't know why you're so bothered, old thing. Not thinking of become an Azkaban warden, are you?'

He carried on trying, despite Lucius' reassurance that he'd never been able to cast a Patronus and it hadn't affected his life so far. It bothered Severus to not be able to do a spell, especially one that Potter and Black had mastered. By the summer term he still hadn't managed it even once. Happenstance set them a project, an in depth piece of work on defence tactics. Glad of a chance to make up for his Patronus failure, Severus worked hard on it. Rather than going for a conventional topic, he chose his own, 'The Defence Challenge of Matching Advances in the Dark Arts'.

He was very proud of his piece of work. He wove in his knowledge of invention, including spells of his own design, as examples of ways in which the 'good guys' could keep one step ahead of dark wizards. In his personal opinion, the 'good guys' were always going to be on the back foot, simply because half of magic was automatically banned for them. But he suspected it wouldn't be politic to say as much. His reading and self-study was turning to increasingly dark subject matter, and he already knew he didn't agree with the Ministry's sanitised black-and-white view of what constituted 'dark' magic.

The lesson that they handed in their projects, he tailed Lily and her friend Morgana out of the class, surreptitiously casting his eavesdropping spell. He hoped to find out what Lily had submitted, but they weren't talking about that. 'I'm really worried, I just want to see her,' Morgana was saying plaintively. He almost ended the spell there and then, but curiosity made him hesitate.

'But the letter said she was all right, didn't it?' replied Lily, in a similarly low, urgent tone. 'We shouldn't go out of school, it's not safe.'

'I know, I know it's not safe!' Morgana's voice reached a pitch that he could hear it without his spell, and several people looked their way. She hastily lowered it again. 'That's the point, they're not safe, are they? They're out there all the time!'

'Morgana, going to see them isn't going to make them safer. What good's it going to do? You'll only upset yourself worse…'

'Lily, you don't understand. I just have to see them, to know they're OK. I can't quite believe it. What if they're keeping something from me? It's only Hogsmeade, Lily, it's not far. We can go now and be back by curfew. Please Lily?'

Lily looked around quickly before conceding. 'All right. But we leave before it's dark, OK?'

He could hardly believe his ears. Surely Lily wasn't going to leave Hogwarts grounds? Death Eater attacks were now a regular occurrence, and only Hogwarts seemed to be exempt. They were not even allowed to visit the village at weekends anymore, and a muggleborn like Lily had more to fear than most. Stupid Morgana, leading her astray on some wild goose chase!

Severus hid behind a suit of armour outside the Gryffindor quarters, and when the girls re-emerged he followed them, but it was difficult as the route crossed several areas of open ground. If they saw him, the game would be up, so he was forced to go a different route, through the woods. As a result, he lost them. He wandered the streets of Hogsmeade, his hood up, holding his wand ready. It was still light, and few a people were about. Despite the Death Eater threat, Hogsmeade didn't feel any scarier than it ever had.

The shadows were lengthening and it was getting distinctly dusky when he finally admitted to himself that he'd missed them completely. Lily wasn't stupid, she'd probably hustled Morgana straight back to school once she'd seen whoever she needed to see. Her stupid family, presumably. He was on the outskirts of the village, heading for the back way into Hogwarts, when he heard a blood chilling scream, female.

He began to run before he'd even consciously made a decision to move. Rounding the corner of a row of houses, he saw Morgana lying in the road, apparently unconscious. Lily was standing over her. Gliding towards them were three very tall, cloaked figures. He felt instantly sick as a wave of cold passed over him, seeming to suck all the strength from him. He'd never seen one before, but knew at once that these were Dementors.

'_Expecto Patronum! Expecto Patronum!'_ Lily was gasping, but to no effect. 'Please! Please don't hurt us, we haven't done anything wrong. She's just a schoolgirl. Please!' she begged, as one reached out a single skeletal hand towards her.

He felt a sudden surge of love, for who but Lily would try to reason with a Dementor? The thought of Lily, his Lily, was enough to push away the chill of despair. He no longer felt cold or hopeless, he was filled him with colour and warmth again. He raised his wand, and the spell didn't seem difficult anymore. He simply visualised Lily, her laugh, her smile, her kindness, as he spoke the words. '_Expecto Patronum!' _he cried, and a silvery creature burst from his wand. It charged straight towards the Dementors, which immediately turned and backed away. The Patronus chased them down the street.

'Lily!' Potter and Black emerged from a side street ahead of him, and Lily ran to them. Unable to believe his bad luck, Severus stared in horror. Potter was all testosterone, wand out, knees flexed like an action figure. He grabbed Lily and hugged her tightly. 'Are you all right? Thank goodness your Patronus drove them away!'

Black had run down to Morgana, who was beginning to stir, just as a panting Lupin and Pettigrew arrived on the scene. Lily had disentangled herself from Potter, looking rather embarrassed. 'It wasn't me,' she said. 'I didn't cast it.'

'But it was your Patronus, I recognised it. A deer,' said James, and that word seemed charged and full of meaning. Severus, having moved almost instinctively into the lee of the houses, felt the words like a blow.

'I know, but it really wasn't me,' repeated Lily, going over to put an arm around Morgana who was now on her feet again.

Potter looked around wildly, and Severus melted further back into the lengthening shadows. His moment of glory had been ruined. He wasn't going to emerge in front of Potter and his friends, giving them a chance to make him look bad somehow. They'd probably accuse him of having set the Dementors on Lily in the first place. 'Hello?' Potter called. 'Is anyone there?' After a moment he turned back to the girls. 'Come on, let's get out of here. We need to let Professor McGonagall know what happened.'

'But Prongs, we shouldn't have been in Hogsmeade!' exclaimed Pettigrew.

'For goodness sake, Wormtail, I think letting the teachers know that Dementors are attacking people is rather more important than us getting in detention for being out of bounds. Now come on; Sirius, Remus, you keep the rear and everyone keep their eyes peeled. They might come back.'

'What _were_ you lot doing in Hogsmeade anyway?' he heard Lily ask.

'Pub of course,' said Potter quickly. 'Anyway, what about you? Not like you to be breaking the rules, Evans.'

The little knot of Gryffindors disappeared down the street, and rounded a corner. Severus stepped out, full of anger and regret that his best chance ever to make it up to Lily had been spoiled, and by Potter. He whispered the spell again, and once more the silver doe leapt from his wand. It gambolled round in front of him, then regarded him with its head on one side, before dissolving into silver mist.

So his Patronus took on the same form as Lily's. Was it a sign that they were meant to be together? But the fact that Potter's Patronus was also a deer – albeit a male one – made him feel uneasy. He couldn't let himself read too much into the Patronus link between him and Lily, without also wondering about the one between them both and Potter. He headed off back to school deep in confused thought. If only Lily had realised who'd cast the Patronus. Maybe then at least she'd understand that he really did care about her.

After the Dementor incident Hogwarts was put on high alert. Some parents removed their children, but most stayed. There wasn't anywhere completely safe anymore. Everyone was forbidden to leave the grounds under any circumstances, and the security around the castle was tightened even further. Dumbledore spoke reassuring words, but they fell on deaf ears. Hysteria gripped many of the school's inhabitants.

Severus felt no fear for himself, but every time he thought of Lily his stomach knotted with tension. Despite his promise, he knew he couldn't protect her, not when she wasn't even speaking to him. The Dementor incident had been a very lucky coincidence, and he strongly suspected that his luck – never something he'd possessed in abundance – had already been exhausted. He knew he could look after himself, but Lily… Lily was brave, and her friends stupid. Wretched Morgana had already almost got her killed once.

However there was only so long that heightened tension could last. By June, with no more incidents in Hogsmeade, everyone began to forget about it. Professor Happenstance handed back their projects. Severus accepted his eagerly, looking forward to a high mark. When he saw the 'E' on the front he at first didn't think he was reading correctly. His temper worsened when Potter announced in an overloud casual voice to Black that he'd got an O.

Barely able to contain himself, Severus waited until the end of class before confronting Happenstance. 'Professor, I don't quite understand the mark you gave me.'

Happenstance took his project and scanned it. 'Ah yes, the one about innovation. Not a bad piece of work in itself, but rather missed the point I'm afraid. You must always answer the question posed, boy, not the one you wished was asked.'

'But there wasn't a question posed,' said Severus through gritted teeth. 'You said to write about an area of defensive magic that interested us. I did that.'

'Well, yes, but it's not an area we've studied. It's not on any marking scheme. This is a NEWT level project, Mr Snape, not a piece of academic research. You're overcomplicating things. I think 'E' was a fair grade, considered.'

'Fair!' spat Severus, furious. 'Fair! You gave Potter and Black both O's! How is that fair? They haven't had an original thought between them.'

'But as I said, Mr Snape, we're not giving out marks for originality. Now, perhaps you should be getting along.'

Incandescent with anger, he stormed out of the classroom, colliding with Potter and his gang who'd been listening at the door. They all burst out laughing at the sight of him. 'Poor little Snivelly, you mustn't overcomplicate things now!' crowed Black.

Severus lashed out and managed to bring three of them out in boils before Happenstance appeared and put him in detention. The Gryffindors left, still laughing despite the boils. Severus returned to his dormitory and smashed the mirror before hastily repairing it.

His detention was that evening. He sat in Happenstance's classroom, writing lines. His hand felt heavy, weighed down with hatred. 'I must not fight in the corridors. I must keep my temper under control,' he inscribed, pausing to cast an evil look at the Professor. 'I must not fight in the corridors. I must keep my temper under control.' He was pressing so hard that the quill tip cut through the parchment. He dragged it on savagely, letting the parchment crumple as he did so.

'Less of the heavy breathing, Severus,' said Happenstance, without looking up. 'You're writing lines, not running a race.'

A few sparks flew from Severus' wand, which wasn't even in his hand. He wished Happenstance dead with a vengeance. No wonder Potter and Black came top in everything. All the teachers were too stupid to realise that Severus' inventive brilliance was far above the by-the-book, run-of-the-mill nature of Potter and Black's supposed excellence. Oh how he hated those Gryffindors! How he hated them all.

When he'd finished, he left the classroom and started back for the Slytherin dormitories. As he left, he felt a sudden vicious urge to teach Happenstance a lesson. He placed a trip jinx on the doorway. Childish, he knew, but at least it made him feel a bit better. Satisfied, he made his way to the dungeons.

The following morning there was a commotion at breakfast when he arrived, bleary eyed and late after a bad night's sleep. 'What's the excitement?' he asked Regulus Black.

Reg's friend, Barty, leaned forward eagerly. 'It's Professor Happenstance. People are saying he's dead!'

Severus dropped his spoon with a clatter and looked up. 'Dead?' he repeated, heart in his mouth.

'Yeah, seems like the curse of the DADA job's got someone properly at last,' said Regulus with relish. 'Course, it's only a rumour. He might have just done a runner.'

'What happened?' asked Severus, putting his trembling hand under the table.

'Well, some people are saying he was found in the grounds after jumping off the Astronomy Tower-' began Regulus.

'Or getting pushed!' chimed in Barty excitably.

'And then others are saying he got impaled on that suit of armour just outside his classroom. Some people are saying it must have attacked him – the teachers are out testing every suit in the castle now.' He lowered his voice. 'People are saying it's the Dark Lord – that he's found a way to get at Hogwarts at last!'

Feeling very sick, Severus tried to fake unconcern. 'Well, we Slyths should be OK then,' he said rather faintly.

'Yeah, it's the mudbloods who'll have to watch out,' said Regulus, with relish. Severus cast a quick glance at Barty Crouch, whose father after all was the face of the fight against Voldemort. But the sharp faced boy looked just as pleased as Regulus at the thought of mudbloods in danger.

Happenstance did turn out to be dead, but of the undramatic cause of a banged head. It seemed he'd fallen over on the way out of his classroom, carrying a large pile of books. He'd struck his head on the stone floor, and then been hit by several falling textbooks. The flagstones outside the room were uneven, and Happenstance an elderly and not particularly agile man. The other teachers were quick to try and dispel the rumours that dark magic had somehow been responsible. No one even thought to question Severus. Everyone was keen to prove how very accidental it had been.

Outside Transfiguration the following day, Severus encountered the Gryffindor boys. He tried to pass them, but Potter stepped up and a moment later Severus was pinned to the wall, Black disarming him. 'Let me go!'

Potter's tone was not its usual casual gloat. He sounded very serious. 'Listen, Snape, we know you had something to do with Happenstance's death,' he hissed.

'Rubbish,' retorted Severus at once. 'Dumbledore said it was an accident, you heard him this morning.'

'Well, Dumbledore doesn't know what we know. You fell out with Happenstance, and you had detention with him that night. You know what I think? I think you pushed him.'

'Not everyone resorts to attempted murder when they don't like someone, Potter,' he replied, struggling to be free.

'No, but you're not everyone, are you, Snape? You're a nasty, devious little weasel who loves the dark arts more than his own mother. I know you did it.' He could see the blood vessels in Potter's eyes behind his smeared glasses.

'Run along and tell Dumbledore then,' sneered Severus, more bravely than he felt. 'We both know how seriously he takes allegations of attempted murder.'

'But it isn't attempted murder, is it? It's _actual_ murder. And you did it. No way is it just coincidence that you argue with him one minute, and he's dead the next.'

'Listen, Potter, if I was going to go around killing people I didn't like, you and Black would have departed the mortal coil many years ago,' whispered Severus. 'Now let me go before I shout for help. You can explain your theory to McGonagall then, see what she thinks. I didn't do it, so I'm not worried. In fact, I'll call for her right now.' He took a deep breath, and Potter stepped back, releasing him.

'This isn't over, Snape,' he said, in what he probably thought was a menacing tone, and the four boys sloped away.

In fact, Severus spent the rest of the term in a state of deep unease. He wrestled with his conscience. At times, he convinced himself everything was OK. It was an accident. Perhaps Happenstance had tripped over his own feet before he even reached the jinx. And even if had been the trap that had caused him to fall, Severus hadn't meant to kill him. It was still an accident. It was nothing like as bad as what Black had done, and got away with more or less scot-free. But at other times, he remembered how fervently he'd wished Happenstance dead, how sparks had spat from his wand even though he wasn't holding it. Had he somehow managed to curse the Professor, inadvertently fating him to die? After all, he knew that he had a most unusual skill for making things happen without using specific spells.

Tormented by his thoughts, his marks plummeted to such a point he even began failing Potions. It didn't help that Potter and his gang kept looking at him meaningfully all the time. He could feel their eyes on him in classes, at dinner. They were watching him, just waiting for him to slip up. The school was in official mourning, and they held a memorial service for the dead Professor. As Dumbledore listed the many achievements of Happenstance, the countless students who'd loved him as their Charms teacher over the years, the guilt increased inside his head to a crescendo.

He couldn't eat, and sleep came little and fitfully. He began to think others were looking at him accusingly too. Had Potter been spreading rumours? He was sure people were whispering as he passed them in the corridor. He heard the name 'Happenstance' all the time, everywhere he turned. Whenever he entered the DADA classroom – where lessons were being covered by the rest of the faculty in shifts – he saw the flowers outside, the place where the stones had been re-laid, and felt sick.

Two weeks before the end of term, just after the end-of-year exams, things came to a head. He arrived at Defence Against the Dark Arts, and saw a sign above the door proclaiming it the 'Hector Happenstance Memorial Classroom'. He retched drily, his stomach empty. Swaying slightly, he made it into the classroom. His feet felt heavy as he crossed towards his desk, every step was like walking through concrete. He could hear the voices of the class in his ears as a dull whooshing. It sounded as though they were chanting, 'Happenstance, Happenstance, Happenstance,' over and over.

Professor McGonagall was taking the class that day. He was sure she was staring at him with her gimlet eyes. She knew the truth, he could tell. He glanced behind him, and straight into the cold blue stare of James Potter. Potter pointed to himself, then to his eyes, and then to Snape. _I'm watching you. _He turned back to his books, sickened.

McGonagall began the lesson. He didn't hear a word of it. Every little sound was oddly magnified, the sniffs and breathing of his classmates, scratches of quills. He saw Lily whisper something to Mary out of the corner of his eye, and he knew she was calling him a murderer. He began to feel a pressure building inside his head. He felt corroded by the burden of knowledge inside him. His heart began to flutter.

The thought entered his head that he might just as well stand up and announce his guilt to the whole room. It would end the torment of waiting, waiting for the metaphorical axe to fall. He tried to force the thought out of his mind, but it wouldn't budge. Panic rose like bile in his throat. The harder he tried to resist the urge, the more impossible it became.

He felt himself rising to his feet, swaying slightly. He put a hand out to steady himself. Things seemed to be happening very slowly. He saw himself from above, a mere observer powerless to intercede, to stop himself. The whole class was staring at him. He could see McGonagall's lips mouthing his name, but he couldn't hear any longer, just the rushing rasp of his own breath. He watched helpless as his mouth opened, to finally confess. Then everything went dark.

When he regained his senses, he found he was lying down. He kept his eyes shut, appraising the situation. He was in bed, the sheets restricting his movement. He'd confessed, and now he was on his way to Azkaban, tied down. Drawing a ragged breath, he opened his eyes and focussed on the person sitting beside him. He spoke, his voice hoarse. 'Lucius? What… what are you doing here?'

Lucius looked just a little less poised than normal. 'The floo'd me.'

Adrenaline surged through him and he whispered, 'Lew, are they taking me to Azkaban? Lew, tell them I didn't do it.' He reached out to his friend, who recoiled slightly.

'For goodness sake, old thing,' hissed Lucius. 'What rubbish are you talking about Azkaban? You're in the hospital wing at Hogwarts, you've had some sort of nervous fainting fit.' The shrewd grey eyes bored into him, and Severus could see him putting two and two together.

'Lew, I've done something terrible,' he began, filling the horror threaten to overwhelm him again.

Lucius moved surprisingly fast, bringing his head very close to Severus'. 'Listen to me, you have not done anything terrible. Do you understand? You're ill and confused. I know that if you had done something, you would keep quiet about it. Because the wise man keeps his counsel. I've never yet known things improved by telling people about them. So you just do what I used to tell the Quidditch team; take any bad thoughts and put them in a box instead your head and lock them away.'

They were interrupted by Madam Pomfrey, who began fussing over Severus, shining lights in his eyes and asking him a string of questions which he answered in a half-hearted way. None of them related to the death of Professor Happenstance. Eventually he asked, 'What happened to me? I remember going into DADA, and that's it.'

'You passed out, dear,' said Madam Pomfrey, making some notes on a chart. 'Just keeled over in the middle of the lesson. Which is what happens to boys who sit up all night studying and skip meals! Your teachers have told me how highly strung you are.' She sounded disapproving, as though being highly strung was a serious character fault. She affixed the chart to the end of his bed. 'I'll let Professor Slughorn know you've woken up.'

He turned to Lucius, who was still staring at him like a dangerous wild animal. 'What are you doing here, Lucius?' he asked softly.

'I told you, they floo'd me. Something to do with their quill that lets them keep track of where students live. Apparently I'm your next of kin.' He shrugged at Severus' surprised look. 'Who else have you got?' he pointed out, running a hand through his hair. 'Honestly, Severus, you're a liability. If I'm not around to keep an eye on you, look at the state you get yourself into! And this isn't even your NEWTs. Merlin knows what you'll be like next year unless you learn to get a grip!'

'Sorry,' he muttered, embarrassed that Lucius had been called here, seen him like this. 'Things just… got on top of me.' He longed to tell Lucius about Happenstance, but he knew his friend would not want to hear it. 'Lew, I didn't know what to do…'

'Listen, I'll tell you what to do. First, stop thinking about things you might or might not have done. If no one knows then there's no need to tell. Second, remember to eat three times a day and sleep at night. Third, we're going to make sure you have some fun this holiday, stop you obsessing over your books all the time. It's not normal to study so much. Now, Sluggy will be here soon. Just remember, you're confused and irrational. Possibly even hallucinating. You don't want to go making any rash statements, so sit back and let me do the talking, all right? All right?'

Severus nodded, and sagged back onto his pillows with relief. Lucius was in charge now. Things were going to be all right.

Author's notes

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story, I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think. There are two more chapters of this particular fic, which ends when Severus leaves Hogwarts. I have two sequels which I am working on, the first of which should start being posted in the next couple of months (I always complete a story before starting to post). 'The Worm That Turned' starts a year after Severus leaves Hogwarts, and goes up to just after the deaths of the Potters. The third story in the triology, 'The Redoubled Agent' (working title), is primarily the Harry-at-Hogwarts years, with a couple set in the intervening period.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 - The Healer

After its unpromising start, the summer of Severus' 17th year was in fact an improvement on the previous year. He recovered from his 'nervous fainting fit' with remarkable speed, finding the guilt over Happenstance receded once he was removed from Hogwarts and under the bracing influence of Lucius. Able to sleep, and eating properly again, he was able to reason his way out of it. Although the memory still caused him a twinge of conscience, he practiced shutting it down before it could bother him. It went well with his continued study of Occlumency – the art of blocking the mind to legilimency – and he began to feel in control of his psyche again.

He spent much of his time inside, reading his way through every book he could get his hands on. The wizard library on nearby Horizont Alley had a selection to rival Hogwarts', but more interesting still were some of the obscure tomes that Lucius dug out of his family library. Severus read about magic beyond his wildest dreams, illicit and enticing. He spent hours in the kitchen, brewing and re-brewing potions, experimenting and tweaking, perfecting.

Lucius breezed through every few days, immaculately dressed and full of bonhomie. He laughed at Severus' monkish existence, dragging the younger man out of the flat to buy him horribly expensive – and horrible tasting – drinks. Many of the old crew were there, Macnair and Blackwell, Rosier and Wilkes. It was almost like being back at Hogwarts in the golden days.

Over the summer, his obsession with 'dark' magic grew. Why was it that the most fascinating, most sublime, most exciting magic was considered anathema to the mainstream? Fear, was Lucius' theory. 'Not many wizards can perform this sort of magic, and that goes for all the idiots in the Ministry. So they try to stop anyone else learning it by labelling it 'dark'.' Whatever the reason was, Severus was attracted to the power and intricacy like a moth to a candle flame.

The rest of the wizarding world on the other hand, was more terrified than ever about dark magic and those shadowy proponents of it, the Death Eaters. It was beginning to seem that there was nothing that Death Eaters couldn't do. They appeared at will throughout Britain, causing mayhem and disappearing just as easily. People became obsessed with security, and in Diagon Alley the shops began to resemble small fortresses.

Hawkers of amulets to ward off dark spells popped up all over the place. Severus bought one out of sheer curiosity, and spent an evening picking it apart. The flatish stone had no more than a couple of spell repelling charms on it, which he broke apart with a two Stunners. He daren't use anything properly dark in the flat, as Ministry raids and spot checks were becoming more frequent.

People had begun to talk of the situation as war, and it was plain to Severus that the Death Eaters were winning. The Ministry oscillated nervously between appeasement – toughening anti-Muggle legislation – and draconian crackdowns, which usually resulted in large numbers of unlikely people getting arrested for the flimsiest of reasons.

Lucius never openly admitted to being a member of Lord Voldemort's inner circle, but Severus was sure that he must be. Sometimes he picked up on comments between the gang, or telling glances between them when the subject arose in conversation. Bellatrix, whose dark eyes had taken on a fanatical gleam since he'd first met her, often talked of immortality and power, at least until Lucius furiously shushed her. Severus felt desperately jealous at his exclusion, rather like when they talked about events on the old family social circuit. But whereas he had little hope of joining the latter, the Death Eaters were a more realistic possibility. He just had to bide his time.

One night in late August, Severus awoke suddenly, eyes flying open in the dark. For a second, he was back in Spinners' End, hearing his Dad getting in from the pub, heart racing. But then sense kicked back in, and he knew he was in Lucius' flat on a close, muggy night. He heard a noise, a strange moan, outside the bedroom, and his heart sped up again. Cautiously he moved to the door, holding his wand. He waited a moment, hearing nothing but the rush of blood in his ears, then pushed it open.

The hallway was dark, and it took his eyes a moment to pick out the crumpled figure lying in the hallway. He cast another Shield charm, to hold over him, and then lit the lamps. He could see now the figure had the robes and mask of a Death Eater. A few strands of blond hair escaped from beneath the edge of the hood. An ugly dark stain was spreading across the robes and beginning to seep onto the carpet.

Rushing forwards, Severus removed the hood. Lucius' face beneath was flushed, his hair sticking damply to his forehead. The grey eyes were closed, the lids flickering feebly. With horror, Severus moved his attention down to where the blood was soaking through the robes. '_Diffindo!' _he whispered, pulling the fabric apart. A warm rush of blood met his hands, obliterating the pale skin. Lucius was cut badly, he could see glistening edges of organs. He found he could hardly breathe.

'Severus,' whispered his friend. 'Sev, they got me. The bastards got me.'

'It's OK Lucius,' he choked, trying not to pass out from the horror and the gore. 'It's OK, we'll get you to St Mungo's, they'll fix you…'

'No!' gasped Lucius, trying to grasp at Severus shaking arm. He looked down to see the long fingers pale against the dark flannel of his nightshirt. He remembered the first time he'd met Lucius in Diagon Alley, how he'd been fascinated by the delicacy of those fingers. 'Not… St Mungo's.' Every word seemed to come as a great effort. 'They'll… know… how it… happened. The… Aurors…'

'But Lucius, without St Mungo's you'll die!' he exclaimed, glancing again at the terrible wounds.

Lucius' grip tightened on his arm. 'Not St Mungo's,' he repeated, his voice a little stronger. 'Will go… to Azkaban… the Dementors… better… to die.'

'No!' Severus heard himself shout, echoing in the hall. 'No, Lucius, no, no no!' he repeated.

'You know… I'm right,' choked Lucius, voice and grip weakening again.

From somewhere deep within himself, Severus summoned up all his strength and pulled himself together. 'You're not going to die,' he told Lucius, as he tore his nightshirt off, pressing it hard against the gaping hole in his friend's abdomen. 'I'm not going to let you. If you can't go to St Mungo's, I'll heal you myself.' He ripped Lucius robes' further open, revealing cuts across his stomach, deep and ugly. He nearly quailed again, but forced himself to act dispassionately.

He cleared his mind and carefully turned his attention to one of the cuts, which ran from the hollow below Lucius' breastbone and down, through his belly button, to the spot where coarse dark blond hair grew above the line of his underpants. Severus touched his wand to the top of the cut and whispered the words of the healing charm he'd used so many times on minor injuries sustained by the Quidditch team. The charm Lucius had taught him. He put every bit of his will behind it, but nothing seemed to happen.

'It'll resist charms, it's a cursed wound,' whispered Lucius. 'Those Aurors fight dirty.' He gave a breathy noise that might have been supposed to be laughter. A little blood appeared at the edge of his mouth. 'Dark wizard catchers… they are… dark wizards… themselves.'

'Bastards,' muttered Severus, trying not to let despair overwhelm him. Why didn't they teach more healing magic at Hogwarts? Too late for that now. If he didn't know the spells, he'd have to do what he was best at, and invent his own. He looked at the mess again and decided his first priority was to stop the bleeding. If he could keep the blood in, it would buy him time.

He held his wand tightly, close to the tip, moving it slowly so it felt like an extension of himself. Concentrating hard, he pushed his magic down into the wand and focussed on binding, on holding, on pushing the blood away from the wound, back into the veins. He whispered soft syllables, meaningless sounds. As he withdrew, he saw the blood was no longer welling. Licking his lips, tongue protruding in concentration, he whispered the words of a Conjuration. He thought of McGonagall, telling them that the best conjuring came from deep within, the wizard giving a part of his power to create something from nothing. If that was what it took to make it work, Severus would gladly give up his whole body for the spell to succeed.

Grey matter, like mist, gathered around his wand, and he spun it out around Lucius body, tight against the gaping wounds. He made no effort to close the cuts, instead binding them over, protecting the precious organs beneath. Finally, exhausted he sat back on his heels, in his pants and covered in blood. With a last bit of effort he cast a cleaning charm to remove all the blood from the surroundings. He needed to be able to see if his friend started bleeding again.

Lucius' eyelids flickered. His midriff was now shrouded in dense silver-grey fibres, from his chest down to his hips. 'Severus?' His voice was still weak, but he'd stopped gasping.

'Lucius, you've got to stay still. Can you do that?' He prodded anxiously at the improvised binding.

'No, I was planning on playing Quidditch,' he quipped weakly, managing a ghost of a smile.

Severus didn't laugh. He summoned the blankets from his bed and arranged them over his friend. 'I'll be back,' he said, stepping over Lucius and lighting the fire in the kitchen with a jet of flame from his wand. In his room he pulled his robes on without bothering to wash Lucius' blood off his body. He had bought them some time, but he wasn't sure how much.

In the kitchen he slung a cauldron over the fire and pulled open every cupboard, laying out ingredients. He diced some slugs and added them with shredded leaves into the cauldron to stew. His copy of Advanced Potion Making almost split at the seams as he manhandled it to the right page. A cursory glance over the ingredients list was enough to refresh his memory. He returned to Lucius and felt inside his robes, removing his pouch of gold. 'I'll pay you back,' he said, pocketing it.

'Whatever,' commented Lucius, who no longer looked flushed. His skin was paling, greying even. Severus snatched up the discarded Death Eater hood and pulled it on over his own head. He could smell Lucius' sweat. For a moment his vision was blurred, as the mask adjusted itself magically to his face. He forced his feet into his shoes and disapparated sharply , hitting the cobbles of Knockturn Alley seconds later. Wand out, he strode along to _Stew and Purge, _and banged on the door.

After a thirty second onslaught, a man's head emerged out of an upstairs window. He was wearing a nightcap. 'Wha's all this? You got a nerve… oh!' He stopped when he saw the mask.

'Open up, on the Dark Lord's orders,' barked Severus, in a good imitation of Lucius' clipped tones.

'I ain't done nothing!' cried the shopkeeper, in a higher pitched voice than previously. 'I'm an honest businessman, I don't trouble trouble…'

'Then get down here and serve me quickly. Don't give me reason to tell my master you have been uncooperative.'

The man disappeared and reappeared at the door so fast he must have apparated. He pulled across the chains with much fumbling and timewasting. Severus folded his arms and tapped his foot. Finally he got the door open, and Severus pushed past him into the store, lighting the lamps with a flick of his wand. He immediately began taking items from the shelves.

'You have ready-stewed snails? I need three boxes.' He pulled down a box of lacewings and glanced inside. 'These need shredding,' he said curtly, throwing the box towards the stunned shopkeeper. '_Quickly!_' he roared, when the man hesitated. 'Do you want to keep the Dark Lord waiting?'

The man scurried away as Severus filled a basket with boxes, bottles and jars. He reviewed the ranks of ready-made potions, selected several and added them to his purchases. Uncorking one, he sniffed it sceptically. 'This is watered down,' he informed the shopkeeper, who had just returned with a container of shredded lacewings and two pots of slugs. 'You should be ashamed, selling rubbish like this.' He upended the bottle, letting the yellowish liquid pour away onto the dusty floor. The look of fear and powerlessness on the man's face gave him a brief glow of pleasure.

He took the remaining items from the shopkeeper and handed over three golden coins from the pouch he'd taken from Lucius. The man reviewed them. 'This ain't enough for all you've had, not to mention getting me out of bed…'

'Avoiding the Dark Lord's displeasure more than compensates for the rest, you are lucky I have paid at all.' Severus pocketed the remains of Lucius' purse and disapparated with his purchases.

The flat was gloomy after the shop, and he flicked his wand again to make the lamps flare brighter. Lucius was lying where he had left him, his hair fanned out around his head. Severus was relieved to see that no further blood had leaked onto the floor, but Lucius' face was ashen and even his lips had a bloodless look. He strode into the kitchen, digging out several sets of ingredients. He added the shredded lacewings to the cauldron, alternating them with stewed slugs. He stirred it twice, anticlockwise, murmuring some words as he did so.

Back at Lucius' side he shook his friend lightly. 'Lucius? I'm back. Come on, Lew, wake up.'

The older man stirred and moaned. His eyes opened halfway and he viewed Severus through his lashes. 'Not… dead… yet,' he whispered, his voice hoarse.

'Good, try to stay awake.' He checked the bindings and noted they were still in place, before returning to the potion. He added some more ingredients and stirred again, before taking a knife and baring his forearm. He barely felt the cut, so sharp was the blade, and watched as bright beads of blood formed along it, then fell into the cauldron.

Finally, he was satisfied with the potion, and poured it carefully into a goblet. Returning to Lucius, he summoned some cushions and with great care, went about propping up his friend. 'Nearly there, I've made a blood replenishing potion. Here, sip some of this first. Strengthening Solution.'

Lucius pursed his lips and sucked some of the potion, swallowing with an effort. After a moment, his eyes opened fully, and looked straight into Severus'. The two stared at each other for a moment. Finally he said, 'You're crazy, Severus, if you think you can save me.'

'I've done all right so far,' replied Severus, testing the temperature of the goblet with his hand.

His friend smiled. 'That's what I always liked about you. You never accept limits.' He gave a slight shudder. 'I'm cold.'

Finding his wand, Severus cast a warming charm. Malfoy smiled again. 'I remember teaching you that spell. You set my socks on fire.' His eyes slid down to the goblet in Severus' hand. 'What did you say that was?'

'Blood replenishing potion. Made with my own blood, that should make it stronger. We have to keep you going overnight, until I can get to some books about medi-magic and heal those wounds properly.' He looked down again at the grey binding. Was it his imagination, or could he see a darkening, as though blood was starting to seep through?

'Severus, you won't learn medi-magic in a morning,' said Lucius, sounding suddenly very old. 'These wounds, only a proper Healer could fix. They train for years, it is a specialised branch of magic. If you get it wrong, you can cause great damage. That's why they prefer people to go to the experts. The Aurors use spells like this because they know their victims will be forced to seek medical assistance, or die. And the moment you step over the threshold of St Mungo's with a wound like this, you're as good as sentenced.'

'Well, the Aurors are going to get a nasty shock then, because I'm going to find a way. It doesn't matter how complicated it is, Lucius, I can learn it. I know I can. There's no way I'm letting you die. We have a deal, remember.'

Lucius closed his eyes as if in pain. 'One of my better ideas, that,' he said softly.

'Here, drink this. It's cool enough now.' Severus raised the goblet to Lucius' lips and watched as his friend sipped, before pulling a face.

'It tastes terrible,' said Lucius, sticking out his tongue as though to remove the taste from his mouth.

'The best medicines always do,' Severus reassured him, tipping the goblet again. Almost straight away Lucius' face began to regain some colour. 'I'm going to get you somewhere more comfortable, then I'm going to Hogwarts.'

'Hogwarts?' asked Lucius, alarmed. 'Why Hogwarts?'

'I'm going to ask Madam Pomfrey to teach me how to heal. Or failing that, get books from the library.' Severus scrambled to his feet. 'I'm going to levitate you now, so try to stay still. _Mobilicorpus!'_

'Just don't let Dumbledore get wind of what you're doing, or the game's up for us both.' Lucius watched him with anxious eyes as Severus levitated him onto the bed. 'Sev? Listen. If I don't make it – will you tell Cissy that I'm sorry?'

This alarmed Severus more than anything else. 'Lucius Malfoy doesn't apologise,' he said, trying to make light. 'Anyway, you will make it.'

'But if I don't, Severus…' Lucius' grey eyes implored him.

'I've never let you down yet, have I?' Severus pointed out. 'Now drink this. It's a Calming Draught. When you wake up, I'll be back, and I'll know how to heal you.'

Malfoy drank the potion without any fuss, and soon his eyes had closed. He breathed deeply, and his cheeks had a pinkish tinge. He looked as well as someone with his sort of injuries possibly could. Severus went to the bathroom and quickly tidied himself up. Fortunately it didn't take much to attain his usual level of grooming. He allowed himself one last look in at his friend before disapparating. He knew he didn't have much time. And if he didn't manage it… the thought was just too terrible to contemplate.

Hogwarts rose from the morning mist like a great island. Severus strode through the grounds, not noticing the dew that soaked into his shoes. He went to the side door first, that he often used to get in and out, but found it barred to even the strongest unlocking spells. With a rising sense of panic, he jogged around the castle, trying every entrance. All were unmovable.

Finally, he despaired and tried knocking on the main doors. It took three attempts before they were finally opened a few inches, revealing a small portion of the red and irritable face of Argus Filch, the caretaker. 'What d'you want?' he barked.

'Is Madam Pomfrey there?' Severus asked, trying to sound as innocent and blameless as possible.

'No. School's shut. It's the holiday. Go away and come back in September.' He gave a rather nasty smile, taking obvious pleasure in the desperate look on Severus' face, and began to push the door shut.

'No! Wait. Please. Can't I just use the library, it's an emergency, my mother…'

He didn't even get a chance to finish his carefully prepared lie before Filch cut him off. 'Haven't you heard there's a war on? Heightened security. You could be anyone, sonny. Might even be Lord Vladdermart himself. S'more than my job's worth to let you in. Now beat it, before I call the Aurors.' The door banged shut, and he could hear the sound of the magically operated locks clanking into place.

'Wait!' he shouted again. But the threat of the Aurors was enough to put him off anything more ambitious. He trailed down the steps, staring up at the castle, looking to see if there was a way in. He knew he could break in eventually, but he didn't have time! The sun was climbing in the sky, he could feel its heat on his skin.

Severus slumped down at the foot of the steps, finally feeling panic overwhelm him. He was out of ideas. He'd never manage to heal Lucius. But the thought of admitting defeat and letting him die was just too awful to contemplate. He realised he was crying, heavy helpless sobs. 'Help me,' he whispered. With no one left to ask, he appealed simply to the heavens. 'Please, help me. Someone. Please. I can't let him die. He's all I have left. Please.'

He felt something against his face, a rush of air. Opening his eyes, he found a big red bird in front of him. It looked a bit like a parrot, and he thought of _Treasure Island_. He sniffed and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. 'I know what you are, you're a phoenix,' he told it, in a tremulous nasal voice. The phoenix regarded him with its head on one side. It looked as though it was listening.

'I don't know what to do,' he told it, his voice wobbling again. 'He's going to die, Lucius's going to die, and I'm going to have to sit and watch him.' He sobbed again as the horror threatened to overwhelm him. 'I can't help him, and no one can help me! He's my only friend. I've lost Lily, I messed it all up, the best thing I had in my life – the one good thing – and I ruined it. Now I'm going to lose Lucius too! It's unfair, so unfair!'

He slumped forwards, chin on his chest. 'He's the only person left who believes in me, who cares about me. He took me in when my own mother turned me away, he looks out for me. If he dies, I might as well die too! And now I have to try and find the strength to go back to him, and look after him until he dies…'

As he buried his head in his hands in despair, he heard the phoenix make a noise. Looking up, he saw the phoenix was crying too, pearly tears that ran down its plump feathered cheeks. It took a minute to register in his grief stricken brain, then suddenly he gasped, choking. 'Wait, wait! Phoenix tears… they heal, phoenix tears heal!' He conjured a flask and with a shaking hand, held it out to the bird, which allowed him to collect up the steady stream of tears. 'Thank you, thank you,' he whispered, willing it to keep crying a little longer, so he'd have enough.

When the flask was full of silvery tears, the bird ceased to cry and stood back blinking at him. 'Thank you, phoenix,' he said again, wiping at his own tears after stoppering the bottle. 'I don't know how to thank you enough. I don't know how to repay you.' The bird gave another cry, a soft, musical sound, and spread its wings. Rather than taking off, it vanished as suddenly as it had appeared, in a puff of red feathers.

Shaking from exhaustion and excitement, Severus found his feet and began to run. He sprinted across the grounds, stumbling on the grass, the flask clasped in his hand. The gates seemed so far away, but he wouldn't let himself stop. Finally he was passing through them, stopping bent double to pant, before he gathered himself together, and disapparated.

The flat seemed cool and dark after the sunshine of the grounds. 'Lucius!' he called, as soon as he'd regained his senses. His heart seemed to have seized up. What if he was too late?

Lucius was lying very still, his skin as grey as his eyes, but his chest was rising and falling very slightly. Severus pulled at the grey covering of the wounds, revealing the hideous mess. Carefully unstoppering the bottle, he dripped the phoenix tears little by little into the cuts. He thanked the stars for his steady, deft hand.

When all the silver liquid was gone, he dared a look at Lucius' face. Was it just his imagination, or had his friend gained a little colour? 'Come on Lucius, you can do it. Please.' He stared at his friend, watching the colour rise in his face.

Crash! The knocking on the door was so thunderous Severus jumped right off the floor. 'Open up! Auror Squad!'

Frozen in horror, Severus stayed kneeling for a moment. Another shout came. 'Open the door now or we'll blast it in!'

He scrambled to his feet, rushing into the hall. In a strangled voice he managed to shout, 'I'm just coming!' His foot caught something – the Death Eater hood. With a wave of his wand he transfigured it into a hatstand. His hands shook as he opened the door a crack, covering it with his wand. 'Show me your identification,' he said, with more authority than he felt. 'Prove you're really Aurors.'

'For Merlin's sake,' muttered a man's voice, but a moment later a card was thrust before his eyes. As the man's finger made contact with it, the card spoke. 'Authenticated. Frank Longbottom, Auror.' Severus allowed himself a moment to be impressed by the charm, before opening the door the rest of the way.

The Aurors looked surprisingly ordinary. He'd never seen any in real life before. There was a man and a woman. He was tall and hefty, with a thin moustache. She had a round, kind looking face surrounded by wispy hair, but her voice was tough and business like, with a Yorkshire accent. 'Lucius Malfoy?'

'No,' he responded, hearing a hint of the Dales creeping back into his own voice. 'Severus Snape.'

'Is Lucius Malfoy home?' asked the woman.

Severus opened his mouth, but a smooth voice behind him answered instead. 'At your service, ma'am. How can I be of assistance?'

Lucius was wearing his black silk dressing gown, and smiling his most charming smile. Severus could have wept with relief.

'Sleeping late?' asked the woman, with a contemptuous glance at his attire.

Malfoy gave a slight laugh. 'I'm afraid you haven't caught me at my best. Rather a heavy night last night. Good old Ogden's firewhiskey. I'm feeling rather the worse for wear.'

'My heart bleeds,' said the man, trying to get a good look at the hallway beyond Severus. 'There are a group of Muggles who are feeling worse still. Know anything about that?'

Lucius' face was blank. 'Muggles? No, I don't think so. I don't have much to do with Muggles, to be honest. As little as possible, in fact.'

'Really. You don't mind if we cast a person-revealing charm?' Without waiting for assent, he went ahead and performed the spell.

'What about you, Severus? Were you accompanying Mr Malfoy on this wild night out?' The female Auror's eyes were boring into him.

Severus felt his mind tense and blank, like a hand recoiling from a hot stove. 'I was here,' he said shortly. 'All night. I don't go out much.'

'Not the sociable type?' asked the woman, still staring at him intently.

'Severus here is still studying for his exams, NEWTs next year. Has a bright future ahead of him.' Lucius clapped him on the shoulder. 'But where are my manners? I should fetch you both a drink.'

The two Aurors exchanged a glance. 'That won't be necessary,' said the female Auror, snapping shut her notebook. 'I think we've seen all we need to see. Thank you for your time, Mr Snape, Mr Malfoy. Sorry to have disturbed your beauty sleep.'

As suddenly as they'd arrived, they were gone, disapparating with a crack. Severus slammed the door and cast muffling and impermeability charms, before turning back to Lucius. His friend had slumped against the wall, his face chalky. He was shaking and for a moment Severus thought he was crying, but then he realised Malfoy was actually laughing. 'Talk about a close call!'

'How do you feel?' asked Severus impatiently.

'Like I really have been on the firewhiskey all night. I thought I was going to pass out, but that would have given the game away. Just as well those Aurors weren't looking too hard.' He puffed out his cheeks and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. Severus, glad to relax at last, slumped down opposite him. Lucius continued, 'They must have just been looking for someone seriously injured. I bet they never had a proper warrant, that's why they didn't hang about. The name of Malfoy still counts for something. I was worried when that woman was staring at you, I thought she might have been trying mind magic.'

'She was. I blocked her. That old bastard Dumbledore tried it on me once, so I made damn sure he wouldn't get a second go. How did they know to come here?'

Lucius shook his head, then winced. 'I don't know, it's worrying. Someone might have tipped them off, or they may have just taken pot luck on people from old families. The information can't have been that solid, or they'd have put more effort into searching.' He opened his dressing gown and looked down at his stomach, which was now smooth and intact again, with just the faintest silver traces to indicate where the cuts had been. 'Incredible. How the hell did you do it?'

'Magic,' answered Severus, tiredly.

'With healing skills like that Severus… well, you never cease to amaze me.' Lucius shook his head. 'I thought I was a goner.'

'I don't think it was bad as we thought at first,' lied Severus, unwilling to reveal how he obtained the phoenix tears. 'You ought to go back to bed. I'll make some more blood-replenishing potion.'

Once Lucius was back in bed, Severus was overcome suddenly with exhaustion and relief. He'd never thought of being a Death Eater as dangerous. As he relit the fire he reflected grimly that Lucius might, for the first time in his life, have bitten off more than he could chew.


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 – Goodbye to Hogwarts

The Headmaster's office was full of rustles and clicks from the devices that filled it, and the occasional snore or snuffle from a portrait. But these little sounds only emphasised the library-like quiet. It was an intent, listening quiet. Albus Dumbledore sat in the midst of it all, writing with a splendid phoenix feather quill. He bent low over his work and frowned when there was a knock at the door.

After a minute, the knock came again, and this time Dumbledore sighed and tutted with exasperation. 'Come in,' he called curtly, not looking up from his work.

The door opened and Horace Slughorn sidled in. For such a large man, he was trying very hard to look small. He looked across at his employer, as if willing him to glance up. Dumbledore did not. Eventually Slughorn cleared his throat, and when that failed, said, 'Um… Albus?'

'Yes, Horace?' Dumbledore's voice was cold and flat. He might as well have said 'go away.'

But Slughorn was not put off. 'Albus, I need to talk to you.'

Still the Headmaster did not look up or cease his writing. 'Can't it wait?'

'I… no, no it can't. I need to talk to you quite urgently. This is important, it's important Albus.' Slughorn's voice was picking up, getting louder as his confidence grew. 'I must talk to you now…'

Dumbledore sighed so deeply it was as though every disappointment from his ninety five years of life had been put into that exhalation. He lay down the quill very slowly, and raised his eyes to his colleague. 'What is it, Horace?' He waved his hand towards the chair in front of his desk.

Slughorn moved to the chair and sat nervously, on the edge of the seat. His hands plucked at his robes, and he did not look Dumbledore in his face. 'Albus… I have concerns… grave concerns… about the situation… that is to say, the circumstances. Not that we can be sure… but given what has happened… lessons from history and all that… I know you can't believe everything you read of course…'

'Horace, I do not have time for you to talk in riddles. Say what you need to say, or come back when you are feeling more coherent.' The ice in Dumbledore's tone would have surprised those who saw him as a twinkly old man with a liking for lemon drops.

Taking a deep breath, Slughorn pulled himself together with a visible effort. 'Albus, you know what is happening out there.' He waved a hand that could have indicated anywhere from the staircase outside to the world as whole. 'Pureblood elitism, Muggle baiting on the rise. This Dark Lord… You-Know-Who-'

'Voldemort. He calls himself Voldemort,' broke in Dumbledore helpfully.

'Yes, him. He is gaining followers all the time. People who buy into his beliefs, even if they don't agree with all the killing. There are plenty who think that these things are worth a couple of murders, as long as they don't have to commit them. Anyway, this… Dark Lord, he has charisma. He can present a very charming face. If he is… who you think he is – which I'm not saying he is, mind! – then that person was very personable.'

'He would not be the first psychopath to be able to charm people when it suits him. Clearly he has many followers. I am still waiting for you to make your point.' Dumbledore began to toy with the quill, as though barely able to contain the urge to return to his work.

'Our students are at risk,' blurted Slughorn, causing Dumbledore to pause and look up at the Potions Master. Seeing he had the great man's attention, Slughorn tried to capitalise by talking very fast. 'Vulnerable young men and women, who feel aggrieved. Even those who don't. They are getting sucked in, and once they join, they can never leave. The brightest and best students, Albus!'

'Your favoured few, you mean?'

'Never mind who favours or doesn't favour them! They are young, so young. Vulnerable to grand ideas and hopeless causes! Carried away with their passions and unable to realise the grave consequences their decisions may have! Albus, we must do something. For some it is too late, but there are others we could yet help – redirect.'

Dumbledore steepled his fingers and gazed levelly at Slughorn. If the teacher's words had alarmed him, he showed little sign of it. 'Well, that is good news indeed, Horace. I presume you will go about 'redirecting' them, in that case.' He picked up his quill again.

'No!' gasped Slughorn, trying to grab back Dumbledore's attention. 'Albus… I can't… it won't work. He is very powerful, very captivating. I can only do so much, they won't listen to me.'

'You mean you are too deeply indebted to those who follow Voldemort to be seen to actively campaign against him,' said Dumbledore coldly.

Slughorn blanched at this. 'I wouldn't put it like that,' he blustered. 'It's just… well, I am just 'old Sluggy' to them; they see me in classes every other day, they won't pay any heed to me. Not compared to some dark, shadowy stranger. He has… glamour. I can't compete with that. Familiarity breeds contempt, you know.'

'How convenient for you. So what do you propose is done, then Horace? To 'redirect' these poor vulnerable souls who so accidentally fall in with Voldemort upon leaving school?'

The Potions Master took a deep breath. 'As I say, my word is unlikely to have much impact on them. But if _you _were to intercede, Albus – not a lot, just if you took a bit of interest in them – well, I think that might make all the difference. They look up to you, Albus, they respect you. Already the _Prophet _is saying you are the only person that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named fears. If you were to take a little time to mentor those at most risk, steer them away from those aspects of his philosophy…' he trailed off, looking hopeful.

Dumbledore's frown deepened. 'You say you care deeply for these students, but yet you cannot bring yourself to help them. You would have me do the job instead. If indeed I am the only one that Voldemort fears, don't you think there are more worthwhile things I could be doing than 'mentoring' the students that you are too ineffectual to impress?' The angry scorn in Dumbledore's voice was enough to cause Slughorn to shrink back in his seat.

The Headmaster continued, 'No, Horace. Youare a Hogwarts Professor of many years' standing, you are the Head of Slytherin house. I am employing you to care for the students, to guide them, to instil appropriate values in them. You spend so much time handpicking and grooming these 'favourites' of yours, if you cannot influence them, I very much doubt that I would be able to. I am sorry Horace, but if you believe your students are at risk of radicalisation, it is up to you to do something about it.'

Slughorn spluttered for a moment or two, then became abject. 'Please, Albus. I am begging you. Not for my sake, but for theirs. You can punish me all you like for being an old fool, but don't punish them because you disapprove of my Slug Club. They are _good children, _Albus. So much promise, so much talent, I can't bear to see it go to waste! I can't bear to see them fall in with Him…'

'Then do something about it,' said Dumbledore shortly. 'You have a choice, as do they. Which is more than those innocent Muggles that fall prey to Voldemort's Death Eaters have. There is no reason other than your own dislike of difficult conversations not to 'intercede' as you put it. And if these children are so 'good' then why are they choosing to join forces with Voldemort, knowing full well the atrocities committed in his name?'

'Choice? You talk about choice as though you yourself have never made a bad one! Besides, what choice do some of these children have, really? You've seen how families like the Blacks treat their offspring when they digress in even the smallest ways from their ideals!'

Dumbledore was unmoved. 'Horace, you are mistaking a difficult choice for no choice. Now, this conversation is at an end. I expect you to support your students in making good choices, and no, I will not be doing it for you. Do shut the door on your way out.'

Still spluttering into his moustache, Slughorn left the room defeated.

After Lucius' near-escape, Severus determined to learn everything there was to know about medi-magic. Lucius treated this obsession with an indulgent amusement, as though Severus was a small child going through a fad. He seemed to suffer no long lasting effects from his wounds, and was remarkably unworried about future injury, shrugging off any suggestions it might happen again. 'I'm not normally front line,' he told Severus once. 'I was never a fan of duelling. My talents lie elsewhere.' He refused to be any more specific, and Severus had the feeling the older man enjoyed the power of being mysterious.

Back at Hogwarts for his final year, Severus was horrified to discover James Potter had been named Head Boy. 'Him? Head Boy?' he spat in disbelief to Regulus Black, who happened to be sitting opposite. He felt a wave of rage and hatred so strong he was nearly sick. 'How? How can he be Head Boy? The most determined rulebreaker… nearly bloody _killed_ me…' he trailed off in incoherent fury.

Black, who had his own reasons for disliking Potter, merely pulled a face and speared a potato with unnecessary violence. 'Dumbledore likes him though, and that's all that counts in this school. It's just a stupid popularity contest.' He glanced around and added, 'We don't need that. There's only one person it really pays to be popular with these days.' He waggled his eyebrows, and Severus resisted the urge to growl with irritation.

But more worrying in Severus' eyes was the growing chumminess between Lily and Potter. At first he tried to deny the clues, mentally block them out, whilst at the same time desperately searching for more. He'd hoped that Lily might have had some concern for him since his dramatic collapse the year before, but she showed no sign of caring. Potter and Black did fainting impressions for a couple of weeks, until they tired of it. Fortunately they seemed to have also tired of the idea that Severus had murdered Happenstance. He told himself he didn't care about Potter or Lily, but it bothered him. It bothered him so much that sometimes he felt like he could hardly breathe from the unfairness of it all.

As if all that weren't enough, Slughorn was acting very strangely. He kept cornering Severus after classes and giving interminable lectures about how important Muggle rights were and how he should select his own path in life. 'Have you given any further thought to your eventual career?' the Professor asked one day in what he probably thought was an offhand way. Severus was tempted to say 'Death Eater' just to see the look on the old man's face.

'Healer,' he replied. 'I want to be a Healer.'

'Well! That's excellent, excellent!' cried Slughorn, wringing his hands over-excitedly. He probably thought that Healers couldn't be Death Eaters. 'Of course, I'll have a word in a couple of ears, see what can be arranged. Maybe I'll ask Caspar Merriweather along to the next Slug Club get-together. Now you will come, won't you? Perhaps you could start re-forging your friendship with Miss Evans. Such a lovely girl, don't you think? It's high time you two made up.'

'Tell _her _that,' muttered Severus. 'She won't forgive me.'

Slughorn tutted to himself. 'Well, maybe I could talk to her. I know you didn't really mean what you said. You didn't, did you Severus? You're not really interested in all of this pureblood supremacy nonsense, are you?'

'My Dad's a Muggle,' said Severus shortly, not specifically answering the question.

'Of course he is, of course. One tends to forget.' Slughorn stroked his moustache. 'You're a good boy, Severus, a good boy. You just need the right influences. Yes, the right influences. I'll have a little word with Lily, see if I can make her understand. We all make mistakes, after all.'

Torn between the desire to cling onto any chance he was offered, and suspicion that Slughorn was only likely to make things worse, Severus said, 'It's very kind of you sir, but…'

'You don't want me to put my foot in it? Don't you worry, my boy. I can be very subtle when I want to. I won't even mention your name.' Slughorn was pleased with this ruse and went around beaming for the rest of the day. He was so jovial at dinner that McGonagall asked him what on earth he'd found to smile about. Most of the staff were sunk in gloom over the murder of some prominent Muggle rights activists the previous evening. Nevertheless, he replied cheerily, 'Ah, just a little matchmaking, Minerva. Playing cupid, if you will.'

'Not with the students I hope?' she said sharply. 'That's a very bad idea, Horace. Nothing good can possibly come of it.'

But he didn't even hear her words of warning. He had seen a way forward, a way to make things right in his little world. He was never happier when shaping the lives of his special young people. A word here, a nudge there, a whisper in the right ear, a delicate suggestion, and then sit back and watch it all fall into place. That was what he was best at! He'd been doing it for years , after all. All this business with Death Eaters and that dreadful Riddle boy had shaken his confidence. He needed to get back in the saddle.

It was easy to corner Lily after the next Slug Club. She had a soft heart, and was always happy to help with the tidying away. And as it happened, he could see she wasn't entirely happy, which meant there might be a chink of weakness he could exploit. Once they'd finished stacking the tea things, he said very kindly, 'Now my dear, are you going to tell me what's wrong?'

Her hand flew to her mouth, as though to disguise the lie. 'Nothing's wrong, Professor.'

'Come now, I know you better than that. I know all my little Sluggies. Tell me what is troubling you.' He gave his biggest, most cosy smile, and sat down invitingly at the table.

She hesitated, then sat too. 'It isn't anything important, really. So many bad things are happening in the world. I don't… I mean my problems… they're not really problems, when you compare them…'

'We live in difficult times,' he said sorrowfully. 'But nevertheless, our own personal dilemmas do not wait quietly for matters in the wider world to resolve themselves. Now, if you'll forgive me for being so bold as to guess, I suspect this involves a young man. Am I right?'

The blush that rushed across her pretty freckled cheeks told him even before she spoke. 'Well yes. It does.'

He nodded sagely. 'I thought as much. And you don't know how you should feel about this young man? You're confused. Perhaps your head says one thing, but your heart another?'

Nodding in wonderment, she ventured to say, 'Is it that obvious?'

'Only to me, only to me. I see everything, my dear. There's nothing about my special few that I don't understand. Is it not my job to nurture you? Are you not the brightest hopes of tomorrow? So let me guess, with this young man there has been a… difficult past, shall we say? Some sort of unpleasantness.'

'Something like that,' she agreed.

'And you don't know whether you should forgive and forget, or continue to be wary?'

'What do you think I should do Professor?' she asked suddenly, the words spilling out as though a dam had burst. 'I don't know what the right thing would be. I'm scared of messing it up, and looking a fool, but then I'm scared that if I don't do something, it will be too late. He won't hang around forever.' She sighed heavily. 'Do you think people can change, Professor?'

'Yes, of course they can! Especially at your young age. Why, someone at fifteen is often an entirely different person from the same youth at seventeen! I can't tell you what to do,' he continued, in a voice that suggested he could and was about to. 'But I think you should give this boy a second chance. After all, what's the worst that can happen? If he lets you down again, then you can call it off. But I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.'

'Really?' She seemed to give his words some deep consideration, then her face lit up in a smile. 'Thank you, Professor! You've made me feel so much better.'

'Don't mention it, m'dear, don't mention it,' he murmured smugly.

Two days later at breakfast, Severus was hunched over the _Prophet _whilst spooning up cornflakes. He was reading an article about Muggle baiting, which was apparently now rife. An irate comment from Barty Crouch's father pointed out that Aurors were too busy investigating the murders and disappearances caused by Death Eaters to do much about biting teacups and cursed garden hoses.

He was vaguely aware of some sort of commotion amongst the girls around him, but paid no attention. They were always whispering about something or someone. He considered himself above all that. But then he heard a name that always got his attention; _Lily Evans. _He looked up sharply, to see three sixth years opposite him, all craning round towards the Gryffindor table. Unwilling to show too much overt interest, he edged along the bench, trying to see. Two Ravenclaws got up from their table and moved away, giving him a sudden unimpeded view.

The sight had a similar effect on him to being hit by an express train. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move. He stayed upright only because his body had frozen. The world seemed to spin around him, to blur, but it rotated around a fixed point that stayed horribly clear. And that fixed point was Lily, kissing James Potter. He didn't hear Black's gloating cry – 'Look at Snivellus!' None of it mattered.

A small group of Slytherins arrived at the breakfast table, and mercifully blocked his line of sight. Finally able to move again, Severus fled the hall, and didn't stop running until he reached his dorm. He flung himself face down on his bed, and stayed stubbornly in the Slytherin quarters until the evening of the next day, when Jones – eyeing him like a dangerous animal that might attack at any minute – brought him a summons from Professor Slughorn.

Unwashed, uncaring, Severus made his way to the teacher's office. 'You wanted to see me?' he asked, not even bothering with the 'sir'.

Slughorn had laid out tea things, with places set for two. He placed a meaty hand on Severus' shoulder, which the boy longed to shrug away. 'Severus, my boy. I hear you haven't attended classes for two days. Are you unwell?'

'I'm fine,' he said, through gritted teeth.

'Sit down, sit down. Have some tea? A bun? Now Severus, I know you might be a little upset…'

'A little upset?' Severus interrupted him. 'A _little_ upset? You said you were going to sort things out with her! You said you'd make her forgive me. And now… now she's… she's…' he could barely force the words out from between his lips, 'going out with _him._'

'Severus, I did my best. I did talk to her. I did try-'

'Oh, I bet you did!' Severus suddenly exploded. 'I bet you tried! It's your fault, isn't it? You went and said something that drove her to Potter!'

'My boy, you can't…'

But Severus was beside himself, and after destroying the room and raging about Time Turners, he stormed out. Despite Slughorn's entreaties, he refused to attend Slug Club again. Instead he spent hours in an empty dungeon, experimenting with potions and inventing spells designed to main, to hurt, to inflict pain to match what he felt inside. He scrawled them into his _Advanced Potion Making _textbook, writing '_For enemies,_' against his favourite, a slashing spell. He tortured countless insects and flobberworms, imagining each was Potter.

It was a truly miserable year, all in all. Never overly interested in hygiene, he couldn't be bothered to bath at all, and his dorm-mates began making snide comments about the smell. He didn't care. He spent Christmas alone in Lucius' flat, tormented with thoughts of Lily and Potter decorating a tree together. He still nourished a small hope that Lily might tire of Potter, that they would break up and perhaps – just perhaps – she would resort to her old friend to console her. But every time he saw them, they were draped around each other.

Just before the NEWTS, he happened across them on his way back from Herbology. They were with a group of others, gathered around a tree watching Lupin and Pettigrew trying to coax down someone's cat. Lily was standing very close to Potter, leaning against his chest. As he watched, her hands crept down to fondle Potter's bottom. Cold sickening fury swept over him. Couldn't they keep their hands off each other, even in public? Did she think that was something to be proud of, to be seen touching another person's bum? Or was she so wrapped up in Potter that she didn't even know what she was doing, didn't even care what her actions looked like to others, how it might make them feel?

Up in the tree, Pettigrew was now edging along the bough to where the terrified cat was perching, all four legs rigid, claws sunk deep into the wood. Lupin, another branch down, was looking on uselessly. Black was lounging against the trunk, glancing up into the leaves and calling unhelpful advice. But Severus could see only Lily, only Potter, and his hand was whipping out his wand, his anger was intolerable – he was going to kill them, kill them both, kill them all.

Unable to push down the welling rage, he raised his wand to the luckless cat and threw his slashing curse with every bit of his might. The spell sliced through the air with a perceptible shimmer, the magic so powerful and so dark that the onlookers felt the hairs on the backs of their necks rise. Lily screamed as the full force of _Sectumsempra _hit the cat. The creature's head was sliced right off and tumbled down, catching amongst the branches. Blood spattered the indecently green leaves. Lily was gasping, saying 'Oh God, oh God,' and all he could feel was victory, that he'd done something to smash her smug little world.

Hogwarts had inadvertently taught Severus to be quick and stealthy. He dodged behind some bushes and made his way around the edge of the lake before the group had gathered their wits enough to look for the perpetrator. Their cries faded away as he doubled back to return by a different route. His heart was thumping, blood pounding in his ears, from shock at what he had done as much as anger now. But his face and breathing were calm, his eyes clear and untroubled. Severus carried his turmoil deep inside.

There was no evidence to link him to the crime, though that didn't stop Potter and Black doing their best to pin it on him. He was interviewed by Slughorn and McGonagall, both looking stern. 'Where were you at the time of the incident, Snape?' asked McGonagall, making notes with a quill. She had taken the cat's death rather personally, which he supposed he could understand given her Animagus form.

'When was this?' he asked casually.

'Shortly after the end of the fourth lesson, early in lunch break,' replied McGonagall curtly.

He took his time answering, affecting Lucius' supercilious manner. He would never quite equal his friend's languor, but he could do a good impersonation. 'Well… fourth lesson was Herbology, so I would have walked back from that – I was a little late leaving, I hadn't finished copying down my notes. Then I went straight back to lunch, I think – I can't remember if I dropped off my books or not, I think not.'

'So you didn't witness the incident?'

'It would appear not. In fact, I'm a little puzzled as to why I have been called here at all, since I was nowhere near at the time and know nothing about it.' He looked McGonagall dead in the eye.

She had the grace to appear a little uncomfortable. 'Mr Potter and Mr Black are under the impression you were somehow involved.'

'Oh I see, so if Potter and Black say so, it must be true. Tell me Professor, would you bring _them_ here on _my_ word? Since Potter and Black were both there at the time this occurred – and since they have a track record for – ah – 'pranks' that go horribly wrong, perhaps this is nothing more than a diversionary tactic to deflect attention from themselves.' He leaned back in his seat, and glanced over at Slughorn, who looked like he'd rather be anywhere but there.

McGonagall leaned forward to catch his eye, holding his gaze. He felt her scrutiny raking along the surface of his brain like cold claws, and he fought back, making his mind blank and mirror-like and innocent. But that wasn't right either. He carefully allowed some images to surface, his genuine memory of leaving Herbology, and of walking back to the castle the alternate route. For good measure he added the glimpse he'd had of the werewolf Lupin, just to make his point.

She drew away, and now her cheeks were a little flushed. 'Very well, Mr Snape, it seems you had nothing to do with the incident. Thank you for your cooperation. You may leave.'

He rose from his chair but decided to push his luck. 'So will Potter and Black be punished for slandering me?' he asked, channelling Malfoy. 'After all, some of us have a revision plan that we're trying to follow. All this disruption a week before my exams… and for nothing more than a malicious rumour.'

Slughorn rumbled into life. 'Severus is right. We should dock points from Potter and Black.'

McGongall's lips went very thin, but she said, 'Very well. Five points from Gryffindor.'

Severus left the room feeling like he'd won a small victory. Not only had he got away with the cat incident, he'd managed to fool McGonagall's attempt at legilimency. That would teach her to dare using mind magic on him. The Half-Blood Prince could not be read like a cheap novel. For a few minutes the triumph made him feel good, but it was short lived and soon the hollowness crept back again.

It seemed nothing could remove the taint of sorrow that the loss of Lily had left him with, not even being offered an apprentice Healer's post to start the week after he left school. Every day was another day closer to the time he'd no longer see Lily every day. He could hardly imagine how miserable he'd feel when he couldn't watch her from afar. No matter how much pain the sight of her brought him, it was like a drug that he couldn't get by without a regular fix of. His only hope was to somehow impress her, win her back.

He enjoyed a pleasant daydream whereby the Death Eaters had finally taken over the country, and Lily was awaiting execution for being a Muggleborn. At the last minute she would be saved, and hardly able to believe her luck, would ask how come. 'Our leader, the Dark Lord's right hand man, asked for you to be spared,' the junior Death Eater would respond. Then later, as Lily relaxed in a garden of some sort, she would come face to face with her saviour, none other than Severus Snape.

'Didn't I say I'd always protect you?' he'd ask her, with a smile, and watch as realisation dawned over her face. He'd give anything to be able to fast forward to that moment, where Lily finally understood that her truest friend was, and always would be, Severus Snape.

Severus climbed out of the Hogwarts Express onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters for the final time, blinking in the sunlight and swirling steam, flustered by the noise and confusion. He fought his way through the crowd, elbowing past jostling mothers desperate for a glimpse of their offspring, pushing aside embracing friends parting for the summer. He found her at last, right at the far end of the train. Of course, she would have travelled in the Prefects' carriage.

Her hair shone in the sunlight, reminding him painfully of all the happier times he'd gazed entranced at the glint of copper. How simple and happy life had been when he could approach her, talk with her, rather than lurk like a thief! Now he stayed back, disguised by the steam and the crowds, an unwanted observer. She was laughing, presumably at something Black had said. He was showing off as usual, swaggering along the edge of the platform.

Potter was manhandling the trunks, loading them onto the trolley Pettigrew had fetched. He levitated them with a flick of his wand, then sent them chasing after Pettigrew. The little group roared with laughter as the ungainly youth dodged the luggage, finally finding his own wand and sending the trunks back towards Potter, who danced out of the way. Severus took advantage of their distraction to edge within earshot, trying to focus purely on the sound of Lily's laughter in the midst of the general mirth.

Now they'd bored of their game, and were stacking up the trunks. A good natured argument had broken out about which pub they should go to. 'The Leaky Cauldron does the best cocktails,' Black was saying.

'Oh, very la-di-dah, Padfoot! Since when did you drink _cocktails_? More like you fancy the waitress.'

Black swiped at Potter. 'Well, what if I do? I'm a free agent.'

'Where would _you _like to go, Lily?' asked Potter, and Severus leaned forward slightly in his eagerness to hear her voice.

'Since it means so much to poor Sirius, let's make it the Leaky Cauldron,' she said, a smile playing on her lips. Severus recoiled from the 'poor Sirius' – it was not so many years since Lily had referred to the same boy in the coldest and most derogatory terms, and then only by his surname. But she was turning to look back at the steam train, causing Severus to hastily focus on the ground for fear of being caught eavesdropping. 'It's rather sad, isn't it?' he heard her say. 'Just to think we'll never go on the Hogwarts Express again!'

Risking a glance up, Severus saw Potter had put a proprietorial arm around his girlfriend. 'Yeah, I suppose it is. But come on, we had a great time! And now we're moving on to better things. Then one of these days, when we're old and boring, we can come back to wave off little James Potter junior!'

Now Lily laughed again and pushed playfully at him. 'Oh we can, can we?'

Unable to bear any more, Severus made his way towards the exit, his eyes smarting. From the smoke, of course. As he trudged across the platform, levitating his trunk behind him, he stole another look back. Lily was laughing again, head thrown back, illuminated by a beam of sunlight like an angel in a painting. And when he thought of her in years to come, as he would many times, it was always this image he saw, burned onto his consciousness.

But it was only a moment, and then she was surrounded by his enemies, and lost forever. He turned away from them, and walked into the shadows of the station. One of the shadows detached itself, and became Lucius Malfoy. 'You took your time,' he drawled conversationally.

'Lucius! I didn't know you would be here,' Severus stammered, his mind wrenched from Lily. He felt as though he'd been caught in the midst of doing something he shouldn't.

The older man shrugged. 'Didn't have anything else on. Thought we could go for a drink. Then there's someone that wants to meet you.'

Severus' eyes widened. 'Him?' he asked, in a whisper.

Malfoy just smiled. 'What've I always told you, Severus? Stick with me and you can't go wrong.'

Author's notes

That's it for this story. There are two sequels which I'm working on. I always finish a fic before I post, but the next story, 'The Worm That Turned', should be ready in the next couple of months. So do look out for it on FFN. In the meantime, you might enjoy my Neville-centric fic 'Resistance', also available in full on . I would like to thank everyone who has read the story, I hope you've enjoyed it, and in particular those who have taken the time to review. It's been great to have your encouraging comments and I'm pleased that so many people have enjoyed the story.


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